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“You know how when the man animal can sniff when the female animal in heat?” she continued, ignoring me. “That’s how your granddaddy used to follow me around town, sniffing up my ass. He did!”
I tried to stop laughing to ask, “That’s messed up. Is that what you think of me? I’m a whiny simp? Woman, this simping got your house gutted and rebuilt. It’s what still gets you down to the casinos in Atlantic City and up in Connecticut.”
“Yup. All that romantic whining in them songs got me to feel on them football players’ arms.” Her wrinkled face opened in a scandalized smile as she grinned toward the ceiling, demonstrating groping a man. “They like it, too.”
“Actually, they don’t, woman. Tell me this: what’re their names?”
Her curled body resumed its natural posture as she thought about it. “I got it. Shrimp Jordan and Johnston Bailey! That Shrimp know how to work them hips, man!” She attempted to gyrate in her chair. My grandmother may have moved half an inch.
“You’re crazy, lady!”
“Yeah. I am,” she murmured, going back to the task at hand. “Crazy and missing that ol’ fool.” Now, my grandma sounded sad, her words pouring slower as she knitted. “I know I tease you about that child, but I really hope it works out for you after all these years.”
Me, too…
“I’m being patient, but trying not to go overboard with my expectations. Lennox’s got a lot of shit on her plate. I hate it for her.”
“Mmmmhmmm…” My grandmother hummed. “Ever tell you how I ran into that so called grandmother of hers? The pastor,” she spat.
I brought my head up again. “Pastor Williams?”
“Mmmmhmmm…”
“Grandma, when?” I was shocked as hell.
She hummed she didn’t know. “It was a few short years after the young lady left for down south. Deloris dragged me over to a bingo hall over there in East Orange. You know I like to stay on this side where it’s classier. But listening to that fool, we went. Soon as I sit down, I see her high-yellow ass, wearing that red lipstick and sparkly jewelry, and thangs.” She rolled her eyes while sucking her dentures. “I wanted to drag her by that goldilocks wig she had on. You know what I did?”
“What?” I couldn’t believe she was saying this shit.
“I went right on over there to her table and told her who I was. I told that cow she was dead wrong for dismissing my grandbaby for that boy just because he was going off to play that ball. You don’t do that to young peoples. You let them fuck up or find they own happiness. I told her I hope her grandbaby don’t end up lonely and miserable at bingo halls at our age. And you know what, Tobias?”
“Eh,” I squeaked, so fucking stunned.
“That lady looked at me with them pretty eyes, and asked me who was my grandchild. When I told her the name, she then asked what granddaughter did she have. I told her who, and that woman looked at me like I had more than three heads and said she ain’t know none of the peoples I was talking about. I told that liar she was a fool. You hear me? A fool! Then she finna cry, and her friends started talking they shit about leave her alone: she ain’t feel good.” Another sucking of the dentures.
“Grandma, that’s probably when her dementia started kicking in.”
“Yeah, well…” She kept looping and hooking. “God don’t like ugly, Tobias! I can’t even leave peacefully cause ya heart ain’t whole. I’m old as hell, boy!”
Swinging my eyes toward the ceiling, I slammed my head back down on the sofa. “I know, Grandma, but you do have a great-grand child.” Elia was her only. She had three grandchildren. I was the only by my pops, and my uncle, Smite, had two children, but none reproduced. “That’s something.”
“Yeah. But I could’a had like eight by now.”
“Eight? Elia’s eight!”
“A baby every year.” She scratched her nose, looking me dead in the eyes. “My grand-momma did some shit like that. Look at you: all successful. You could’a had as many, and taken good care of them.”
“Take care of who?” My uncle, Smite, dropped down the stairs.
“His chirren.”
“He only got one.” I stood as he made his way over to me to give him some dap. “You good?”
“I’m good. You good?”
“He ain’t good.”
“Grandma, knock it off,” I tried to beg without begging.
