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And we didn’t have sex.
We didn’t sleep in the same bed.
It had been a gemoon and a half since we’d left Ohkk, and I found him on his bracelet, looking at holophotos of the forests on his home planet, and I…
I should have told him.
NINETEEN
holston
I didn’t understand what had happened.
It was some kind of sick joke, seriously, but my mating cock retracted and I…
It was ridiculous, after all my speeches about chemicals and real love and everything else. I didn’t want it to be true, but I couldn’t deny that once I was back to, well, normal, I didn’t feel the same way that I used to.
Once I was out of the rut, I didn’t want sex nearly as much. My desire just… went away. I didn’t miss it, not exactly, but it affected things, and I had to accept now that this was just part of my biology. I was part of a species with seasonal fertility, and that was simply a fact.
The way I felt about Cypra was different, too, and I hated that.
I didn’t want that to be a fact, too.
It made me ill.
It wasn’t that I didn’t love her anymore, but I didn’t feel that crazy, obsessive desire I’d felt for her before, when I’d said I wanted to leave Ohkk and be with her. And in the wake of that, I’d had to face a bunch of things.
Like, we had nothing in common.
I liked the outdoors. I liked my home planet. I liked a simple kind of life. I liked to sleep outside. I liked feeling connected to nature, to the cycles of my planet, the soil, the sky, the trees, the animals. I missed all of that.
I felt…
It hurt.
But I had said that I wanted to put her first, and I’d upended my entire existence to be here with her. So, I wanted to make this work.
Maybe I would get over it. Eventually, I’d get through this training period, and we’d go on a mission together, and my skills would come in handy when we were planetside. We’d do all kinds of camping when we were spying on Toth or doing smuggling runs or stealing away key bits of weaponry.
This part was temporary. We’d get through it. I could do this.
For her.
Time was passing, though, and I was not getting through the training period very well. I was starting to think that I was never going to memorize all the things they wanted me to memorize, and that I was never going to get cleared for field work.
It made me frustrated, and I spent more and more of my time sullen or else staring at holophotos of Ohkk on my bracelet, looking at the woods or the animals I used to track and trap.
One night, she crawled into my lap while I was doing it and she said, “Homesick? Let me take your mind off of that,” and she started kissing me.
And I feltannoyedthat she was kissing me.
Suddenly, I knew.
My whole body went rigid as the knowledge worked through me. I pulled away from her, and I cupped her face with one hand and I gazed into her eyes. “I don’t think this is going to work, shei,” I said.
Her lips parted.
My stomach turned over, but I knew it was true.
