Page 92 of Star Season


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“Lots of children grow up with single mothers, and they’re fine.”

“If I had baby somewhere, and his mother didn’t tell me, and I found out that I had missed all of the moments at the beginning—the first steps and the first words and the—”

“Stop it.”

“I’m just saying, that would suck.”

“Holston left, okay?”

“So, you’re going to punish your unborn child because his father broke your heart?”

“He didn’t break my heart. I didn’t care that he left.”

Caspe raised his eyebrows.

“I didn’t!” I sighed. “Look, it was… you know how at the beginning of a relationship, you can’t keep your hands off each other, and then, after a while, that just kind of fades out?”

Caspe coughed. “Uh….”

“Fuck you,” I said, glowering at him.

“But, no, I hear that’s common,” he said, nodding. “I think most couples, uh, that—”

“I hate you,” I decided. “I hate you and Sienne both.”

He grinned, letting out a little laugh. “So, you were hot and heavy and then not?”

“It was like,allwe were was hot and heavy,” I said. “There was nothing else. We don’t have anything in common.”

“Well, me and Sienne, we were archenemies,” he said. He considered. “Actually, I guess that just meant that we’d both been obsessed with each other for a really long time before we started fucking. And I guess we have a lot in common, because we both have experience being the admii on ships and we know all the lingo, and we’ve both done a lot of scavenging and smuggling jobs and we both—”

“Seriously?” I said.

“Yeah, I guess what I’m saying is that I don’t understand at all and can’t relate to any of your relationship problems.” He shrugged.

I threw up my hands and stalked out of his office.

He used his tentacles to pull himself through the doorway just before the doors snapped closed. “Wait, where are you going?”

“I don’t know,” I said, turning and starting to walk down the hallway. “Look, he would have stayed if I’d told him, and it wasn’t working with us. We havenothingin common.”

“I get that,” said Caspe. “But this is just why you guys broke up, right? Not why you’re hiding his own child’s existence from him.”

“So, on Ohkk, his whole life revolved around being this, I don’t know, wild man. He spent more than half of his time on these long hunting trips where he wouldn’t take anything with him except a bolts and bow and he’d make his own shelter and kill all his own food and live off the land, right? That was histhing. And he gave that up to come join the resistance and be with me.”

“But he didn’t give it up. He’s back there now.”

“I know, but it was a big thing, this sacrifice. He talked about ‘putting me first.’ And if I’d told him, he wouldn’t have left. And if I told him now, he might…”

“Might what?”

“Might try to come back,” I said softly. “But for the wrong reasons. And I don’t want to do that to him. I don’t want to make him feel like he has to give everything up.”

“Well, he’s going to have to make sacrifices if he wants to be a dad,” said Caspe. “If you don’t think he’s capable of it—”

“Obviously, he’s capable of it. He gave up everything for me.”

“Except not really, because he didn’t stay.”

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