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“We need to head through to my bathroom, okay?” Trent asked as he appeared before me and took both of my hands in his.
“Why?”
“The tub overflowed a little in yours. I need to clean up in there, but it can wait for now,” he explained calmly.
“Oh crap!” I gasped as I looked with horror to the open doorway of my adjoining bathroom. I could see water all over the tiles in the doorway. “I n-need to cl-ean it up!” I attempted to release Trent as I headed for the disaster I had caused, but Trent refused to let me go.
“No, tiny. You need to let me help you get warm and dry. The bathroom can wait.”
“But…”
“No but’s,” Trent cut in. “I don’t give two fucks about the bathroom right now. I care about you. You scared me, Blake. Please, let me help take care of you right now.” I looked up into his eyes and saw a mix of fear and determination in them. He was worried about me, and if I were honest I was too. I had never gotten as lost as I had that day. I didn’t even know how long I had been out of it for, but I knew it had been longer than ever before.
My instinct was to push Trent away and shove away my worries too. To pretend this hadn’t happened and force myself to keep going forward, but that hadn’t worked for me before. Temporarily it had, maybe, but long term, my flashbacks and nightmares were just as bad, if not worse.
I had discussed this with Lisa, my psychiatrist, the way I liked to hide things from myself and pretend they were never there. It was how I had learned to survive up to that point, but I also realised if I was ever going to heal the way I wanted to, that was going to have to change.
When I looked to Trent again, where he still stood before me, patiently waiting for my cue, I realised I didn’t want to push him away really. I had a really crappy, shit day and it had left me feeling shaken and raw. Being left alone to spiral back into that abyss of nightmares was the last thing I wanted or needed.
I was embarrassed that Trent had seen me at such a low point, and that I needed him to help me at all after it all, but I also knew out of everyone I had in my life at that point, he was the one I trusted the most to be with me when I was so very vulnerable. I knew that he meant it when he said he would always find me, no matter how lost I became, and so I decided in that moment to just give in. For a while at least. I didn’t have enough left in me to feign strength.
“I l-love you Tr-ent,” I stuttered, tearfully.
“Love you too, tiny,” he returned as he gave my hands in his, a squeeze.
“Okay.” I took a deep breath, blinking away my tears before looking up to him again. “Let’s g-get g-going before I turn into a-an ice c-cube,” I laughed flatly.
Trent led me, on my very shaky legs, through to his room and set the shower running for me, the bathroom quickly filling with steam.
“Are you sure you can do this?” he asked as he looked to where I was leaning heavily against the counter.
“I’ll b-be f-fine,” I assured him. I had done way more than take a luxurious shower, with some horrendous injuries when I was younger, so this would be no hardship for me, but I didn’t say that.
“I’m going to stay close to the door, so if you need me, you just yell, okay? I can close my eyes or whatever. I’d much rather we both be a little awkward and uncomfortable, over you falling and hitting your head again. Only so many hits that thing can take,” he said light-heartedly, but I saw the worry in his eyes.
“I will,” I assured him. “C-could y-you f-find me some clo-othes pl-please?” I asked, knowing I’d need something dry to pull on when I got out.
He nodded then left the bathroom, pulling the door closed, but leaving it very slightly ajar behind him.
***
“Well, at least you stopped shivering,” Trent said as I stepped out of his bathroom, dressed in the thick thermal leggings and hoody he had picked out, and left just in the doorway of the bathroom for me.
The shower had warmed me up and Trent was right, I was no longer shivering. But I was still shaky and unsteady, my body aching, and more than that – I felt as though I had been stripped raw by the memories that had assaulted me non-stop for so long. I had burst into sobs several times in the shower, and no matter how many times I reprimanded myself and battled to just get it together, I couldn’t seem to actually do it. The events that day had completely ravaged me and I just felt drained and shattered.
I looked over to where Trent stood across the room, now changed from the formal clothes he had been wearing to work that day, into a pair of dark navy shorts that reached his knees and a long sleeved, black t-shirt. He pulled his sleeves up to his elbows as he looked me over with a gentle, soothing smile.
I don’t understand why, but the tenderness in his face broke me, and a sob burst from me as the floodgates opened and tears ran down my face. I slammed a hand over my mouth, embarrassed and desperate for it to stop.
“Blake,” Trent cried as he hurried across the room and wrapped me in his arms tightly.
“I’m s-sorry. I don’t know what’s wrong with me,” I sniffled as I clung to him too, his comfort seemingly the only thing that was going to soothe whatever was going on in my crazy head.
“Nothing is wrong with you,” he said. “You just had a really rough day. Tell me what you need right now, tiny.”
“I d-don’t know. I just…I can’t seem to make all the noise in m-my head stop,” I admitted.
“How about we watch a movie? We can lay on your bed, then if you get tired you can take a nap?” he suggested.
