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“Don’t ever be embarrassed for something out of your control.”
“I attacked a f-fence,” I said as I forced myself to sit up enough for my eyes to meet Trent’s, needing to see his face.
“I always hated that fence anyway. It was too brown,” he told me, making me smile just the tiniest bit.
“Too b-brown?”
“You gonna tell me what happened?” he asked as the playful smile on his face turned serious and worried.
“I…I’m not sure I c-can. I just…one minute I was having a p-panic attack, and the next I was just f-filled with all this…this anger. I felt like it was g-going to explode if I didn’t do something, so I…”
“You waged war on the ugly fence.” He nodded, like it made total sense.
“Yeah,” I sighed in agreement. “I don’t know w-what’s wrong with me. I f-feel like I’ve lost it, Trent, and I’m scared. I don’t know what t-to do any more.” Tears came again and I curled back up against my brother, needing the comfort and security he offered. I really was terrified I was slipping down a hole I wouldn’t be able to find my way out of.
“You’re going to let Trent and I take care of you,” Dad spoke up, and I sat up again, looking around until I found him perched on the edge of the coffee table before Trent and I.
“Dad,” I sniffled as I held a shaky, blood covered hand out to him, so grateful to know he was there with me too.
“I’m right here, sweetheart,” Dad soothed as he took my hand in his and leaned forward enough to kiss my temple. “Now, here’s the plan,” he went on as he sat back and started to pull items from the first aid box which sat at his side on the table. “First I’m going to fix up your hands, then Trent will make you something small to eat so you can take your pills. You’re also going to take one of the sleeping pills you were prescribed.”
“No, I don’t…”
“I know you don’t like to take them, but you need some solid sleep, Blake. I think all of this anxiety over the last couple of days is down in part to a lack of sleep and food, on top of all of the stress and pain you’re dealing with. We need to try and alleviate the issues that can be easily handled. That means eating and sleeping,” Dad explained and I knew there was very little room for argument. He was determined. “I will never force you to do anything against your will, but you need this Blake. I need you to trust me this time.”
“One of us can stay with you while you sleep, tiny. You’ll be safe,” Trent added.
“Strong drugs…they scare me. My mum…”
“You’re nothing like your mother,” Dad told me vehemently. “And we would never let you become addicted to the sleeping pills. It’s just occasional use, sweetheart, when the lack of sleep your nightmares cause becomes too much – like today,” he explained and the worry in his face sold me on the idea. I was scaring the crap out of both of them. I needed to do something. I had to give in.
“You’ll stay with me?” I asked, hating how needy it sounded, but unable to stop it from slipping out. “I’m s-scared I won’t be able to wake up…that the pills w-will keep me under and my nightmares…I can’t get tr-trapped in them.”
“We’ll be with you and we’ll wake you if we need to. We’ve got you, always,” Trent promised, and so I nodded. I hated the idea, but what my dad said made sense – lack of sleep and food was probably contributing to how much I was struggling.
“While you sleep I am going to do whatever I need to do to get you a session with the psychiatrist this afternoon. I think you need to talk with her about what happened and about how you’re feeling,” Dad suggested.
“Yeah,” I agreed with a nod. “Thank you. Both of you. I’m s-so lucky to have you.”
“We’re the lucky ones, sweetheart,” Dad returned. I wasn’t so sure about that, but I opted not to ruin the peace we had settled into.
Trent held me close and continued to rub a soothing pattern up and down my back as Dad washed the cuts on my knuckles. He covered them all with disinfectant, then placed plasters over a couple of the larger ones, but for the most part they were just rough scratches.
Once that was done and Dad had cleared away the supplies he’d used, I felt a little calmer. Having them both close, and Luca hovering off in the background – it soothed me and made me feel safe. It also stopped my mind from wandering off into the darkness.
I thought about what I had told them and about how amazingly lucky I was to have them both as my flesh and blood. I was sure there couldn’t possibly be two kinder people I could have had as my father and brother. I may have had a shit hand in life for the most part, but I definitely hit the jackpot in the dad and brother stakes.
CHAPTER 10
BLAKE
“Tell me where you think all of that anger came from, Blake,” Lisa pushed. I had been in her office for a while, explaining what had happened since the run in with Abby, about me zoning out the day before and about me flipping out in the garden. She had sat back and listened patiently for the most part, just asking the odd question here and there.
I hated laying it all out so bare, telling her every detail of just how epically I had fallen apart, but I knew I needed to if she was going to somehow help me understand why it had all happened and how I could prevent it from happening again.
“Me,” I answered, unsure. “I w-was mad that I had upset the guys, and that I’m so…so defective.”
“Defective?”
