AllFreeNovel
Share Us
“Declan!” Liam barked. “Sit the fuck down and hear her out. You can’t do that, then you need to leave.”
“I th-think I’m saying this all wrong,” I uttered despairingly, more to myself, but they heard it. Instantly Grey and Liam reached out, both placing a hand over mine. I was relieved when Declan sat back down, but he didn’t look at me, his eyes locked on the beer before him.
“Just tell us, Blake. What do you need? You need us to back off?” Liam asked, and when I glanced up at him he sent me a reassuring smile.
“Yes,” I admitted, glancing again to Declan, who still wouldn’t look at me. “I d-don’t want to end anything. I…I c-care about you guys very much and I…I want what we’ve discussed. I want you a-and us. I just…everything feel so out of my control right now, and being with you guys…I feel like that’s g-gotten out of my control too.”
“I knew it. We’ve been pushing too hard,” Grey sighed as he removed his hand from mine and rubbed at his face.
“No!” I cried. “It…it’s not you. It’s me. I…my brain…it doesn’t always do what I want it to, especially when it comes to you guys. I just…I get caught up in the moment and in you and I…my impulse control…it m-makes me do things deep down I’m not really sure I’m r-ready for. I just need things to slow down. I need you t-to step back a little because when you t-touch me, or k-kiss me I just dive in and I…deep down I’m just not ready,” I admitted, hating how messed up that whole statement made me sound. Who couldn’t control their own impulses? Who kissed several guys only to turn around and tell them we needed to slow down? It was a disaster and I was fully braced for them all to just tell me to get fucked.
“So what? You want us to go back to being friends? We can’t touch you, can’t kiss you and hold you?” Declan demanded and when I glanced to him I saw something worse than the anger that had been there up to this point – I saw hurt.
CHAPTER 12
BLAKE
“I’m s-sorry,” I squeaked out through my tight throat. My eyes filled with tears and I felt the need to just flee before I saw that same hurt on the faces of the others. “I know it’s m-my fault. I let things move on, when I knew I sh-shouldn’t. I still want us to try this relationship. I just…I need it to go much slower. I understand if you d-don’t want that…or w-want me. I n-need to take back some control in my life though. I need to feel like I’m the one making my choices, and n-not this stupid injury that’s fucking with my brain,” I tried to explain as I pushed down my tears.
“You have nothing to be sorry for. We understand what you’re saying, and it makes sense. So much has been out of your control for the last year. Of course you want to get that back,” Tom told me as he looked to me with the hint of a smile.
“As long as you’re not giving up on us, I’m good with whatever you want,” Liam agreed easily, gently squeezing his hand around mine supportively.
“I’m in too. I don’t care how slow we go, as long as we’re going together,” Grey sweetly added and I reached over and placed my hand on his forearm as I tearfully smiled at him, grateful they were all still willing to be with me.
I braced myself and took a deep breath before looking over to Dec. His eyes were once again on his beer and he had folded his huge, muscled arms over his chest defensively.
“Dec,” I uttered. “I d-don’t want to lose you.”
Finally he unfolded his arms and looked up until those stormy eyes met mine.
“I told you that you would never lose me, and I meant it. I’m not going anywhere,” he told me, though he still looked tense and a little pissed off. “I’m not happy about backing off though. You’re mine,” Grey cleared his throat as all three of them glared at Dec. “Ours,” Dec corrected. “We can’t let you go. Not now.”
“I’m not asking you to. I’m h-happy to be yours. I w-want that. I’m n-not trying to pull away emotionally. I’m f-falling for the four of you and I don’t want to pretend that’s not happening. I just n-need the physical side to slow down. I…I’ve never done any of this…not willingly, anyway. It sc-scares me and then when I…I’m doing things my emotions aren’t ready to process…it’s mixing me up inside. I just need some time to work it all out for myself. I’m not running away,” I assured him.
“Good, because I’d be following right behind you if you tried,” Declan told me, his voice bordering on unnerving, but instead of being wary, I just smiled. This was Declan – possessive, demanding and fierce. It was a part of what I loved about him.
“So you’re okay with this? We c-can try to slow down a little?” I asked.
“I’ll try. No promises,” he grumbled with a nod.
“Thank you,” I whispered, relieved. I had been so scared I was going to lose him there for a moment.
“If things start moving too fast we need you to tell us, baby girl. We’ll try to take your cues, but it can be hard sometimes when we all feel so attracted to you and have such strong feelings. It’s okay to tell us ‘no’ or to ask us to back off,” Grey said, as Tom and Liam nodded along to every word.
“I will,” I agreed. “Thank you, all of you, for understanding. I know th-this is weird. I t-told you a relationship with me would be hard work,” I tried to laugh, but it fell flat.
“A relationship with you is worth every damned second, Blake. We don’t care what happens, how many ups and downs there are, as long as we have you,” Grey told me, and once again I was filling up, but this time with happy tears.
“How about we ditch all the serious crap and take a swim?” Tom asked, breaking the tension, and making me smile as he got to his feet and grabbed another beer from the cool box under the table.
“I’m in. Hand me a beer,” Grey said as he held a hand out to Tom. Liam grabbed a beer too, then the three of them stood and moved toward me, each taking a turn to wordlessly place a kiss on my cheek or temple, before they headed for the pool. They stopped to place the beers on a small table between the first two loungers, then Tom and Grey leapt in causing huge splashes. I couldn’t do anything but watch on and ogle Liam as he stripped off the t-shirt he wore, revealing the sculpted perfection of his abs and incredibly muscular frame. I couldn’t make myself look away until he had leapt at the pool, then disappeared from my sight.
“You want to swim?” Declan offered. I was unsure. I had been meaning to try swimming in Dad’s pool since the day I arrived, but I was scared, if I were honest, and I had chickened out every time.
“No,” I replied with a shake of my head. “You go ahead. I’ll just sit at the edge and watch.”
“Why not? It’s too hot to just watch,” Dec pushed.
