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I hear the smile in his voice, and I look up at him. “I hope he likes it in Chicago.”
The corners of his lips pinch together. “I’m sure he will once he gets settled. We’ll miss him in San Francisco though.”
Our eyes meet. It’s on the tip of my tongue to ask what this means for us since I’ll now have no real reason to return to the city, but I can’t do it. I don’t know where his head is, and I don’t think I can take more rejection from someone I care about. Mathew did a number on me, but a part of me knows that if Chase tells me he has no interest in pursuing anything with me beyond the next few weeks that I’m here, then it will destroy me.
So instead of having the conversation we should have, I say, “Can we just cuddle on the couch tonight and watch our show to get my head off things?”
“Of course.” He bends down and kisses my forehead.
It’ll have to be a conversation for another day.
Twenty-Eight
Twyla
Isit on a bench in Golden Gate Park, waiting for Mathew to arrive, and think back to last night.
When I picked up his call, it was with the full intention of telling him to go to hell and to stop calling me. But when he blurted out that he’d flown all the way out here to talk to me, I felt a certain sense of… responsibility? Guilt? I’m not sure. But I felt like I should at least hear him out.
Not for his sake. For mine.
Now that enough time has passed since he called things off and I’m not as emotional about the situation, there are things I want to say to him. Things I couldn’t say when all of this first went down.
Still, Chase doesn’t know that. For all he knows, I’m here to reconcile with Mathew. The fact that it didn’t seem to bother him one bit hurt more than it probably should have, given that we both knew this was bound to be over in a little more than a week.
I wanted him to ask me to stay, tell me not to go because he was afraid he’d lose me. I wanted to be someone’s choice for once, but I couldn’t say that, not after what Mathew did. I couldn’t take the rejection. I’d hoped we were building something, but I guess I was the only one.
Chase is quiet and unassuming and, yes, super grumpy if you don’t know him, but one thing he isn’t is a bullshitter. So if he says he doesn’t care if I meet Mathew, I know he means it. Even if I wish he didn’t.
It’s a fairly nice day, and I watch families walk by with their kids. One of the dads is wearing a Kingsmen hat and it makes my heart pinch. I wonder how long that will happen. Will I feel like bursting into tears every time I see a sports report that mentions the Kingsmen, or will I want to turn away if I see Chase’s jersey on someone else’s back?
Mathew catches me by surprise when he sits down beside me because I’m so deep in thought.
“Hey, thanks for meeting me.”
My gaze settles on him and… nothing.
Gone is the longing I felt whenever I looked at a picture of him on my phone. Gone is the hurt that pinched my chest when I saw his name on my phone. Gone is the betrayal that burned in the pit of my stomach when I remembered the day he told me it was over.
It’s all just… gone.
And god, is that a relief.
“I wasn’t sure I was going to, but you came a long way.” My voice is colder than he’s used to.
He seems to pick up on that, swallowing hard. “You didn’t leave me much choice.”
“Why are you here, Mathew?” I’m not going to sit here and let him try to make me feel bad about not wanting to speak to him after what he did.
He frowns. “I miss you.”
I garner no reaction. “What do you want me to say to that?”
“Well, I’m hoping that you miss me too.” He glances at a couple walking past and holding hands.
“Even if I did—which I don’t anymore—what would the difference be? You already ruined what we had together. There’s no coming back from that.”
He sighs and his shoulders turn inward. “I know I fucked up. I know. I was feeling the pressure of the wedding and the planning and how much everything was going to cost, and I let myself get caught up in something that seemed easy.”
