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“Seemed?”
“Rachel and I aren’t together anymore. I broke it off when I realized I’d made a horrible mistake. I could never love her the way I love you.”
I shake my head. “It’s almost as if you think that’s a compliment.”
“If it makes a difference, I didn’t sleep with her until after we broke up,” he says, looking a little more desperate. He must have thought he’d waltz in here and I would take him back after a little bit of groveling.
A caustic laugh leaves my lips. “Even if I believed that was true, it wouldn’t matter. You still betrayed me, and honestly, that’s what hurt the most. That after all the years we spent together, you couldn’t just tell me that the wedding was getting to you, or that you wanted to slow things down, or that you didn’t feel the same way about me, whatever. Instead, you pursued something with someone else and made me feel like I wasn’t good enough. But the truth is that you’re not good enough for me, Mathew. So no, I won’t be taking you back. There’s nothing you can do to explain away the pain you caused me.”
His eyes narrow and his cheeks turn red. “So what? Is this because you’re with that football player now?”
“Not that it’s any of your business, but I’m not with him. And even if I were, it wouldn’t matter. There’s no universe in which you and I get back together.”
“I flew all the way out here.” He sounds irritated now that he knows it was a wasted effort.
“I’m sorry it didn’t work out how you planned, but there’s something else I wanted to tell you.” I stand from the bench and turn to face him. “I expect you to pay my parents back for the deposits they couldn’t get refunded, and if you refuse, I’ll take you to court. You’re the one who led me on and broke off our relationship well after you knew my parents would still be responsible for that money, so you’re responsible. I’m not going to clean up your mess. You need to.”
His mouth drops open and he looks as though he wants to argue.
Stabbing a finger in his direction, I say, “If our time together meant anything at all to you, and if you really mean what you said when you came here today, you’ll do this. It won’t change my mind about getting back together, but it is the ethical thing to do.”
His lips press into a thin line, and he gives a jerky nod. “Fine.”
“Thank you.” I let out a relieved breath. I would have gladly paid my parents back, but it feels good not to have to worry about it.
Mathew leans forward, resting his elbows on his knees, and pushes his hands through his hair, staring at the ground. “I’m sorry I messed everything up.”
He sounds upset and depressed, and I fight the urge to console him. Not because I have loving feelings for him anymore, but because I don’t like seeing anyone upset.
I sit beside him on the bench again. “I guess the best you can do now is learn from it. Next time you’re in a relationship, talk to her about how you’re feeling. Even if it’s an uncomfortable conversation. Don’t let things fester under the surface. That’s when bad decisions are made.”
The truth of my words rings through my head and I realize that I should have taken my own advice. I should’ve told Chase how I felt and brought up my impending departure and asked how he saw it playing out. Instead, I was so afraid of being rejected that I stayed silent. The same way I did in my relationship with Mathew when I had my first inkling that something could possibly be amiss.
“I’m an idiot,” I mumble, but Mathew turns toward me.
“What?”
“Nothing.” I wave him off. There’s nothing I can do about my realization now. Chase was okay with me seeing Mathew, which tells me where he stands. In the future, I’ll always speak about what I want without worrying about getting my heart broken. “Take care of yourself, Mathew. I hope you find happiness with someone and know how to hang on to it.”
We stand from the bench and give each other a hug. This man brought me a lot of pain, but I can honestly say that this time away from him and my time with Chase has given me a newfound perspective. I no longer yearn for what might have been with Mathew.
Now I yearn for what I know I’d be missing with Chase.
Twenty-Nine
Chase
By the time I reach the locker room, I know I messed up. And when I step out onto the field and don’t see Twyla sitting in the wives and girlfriends’ section, the knowledge that she could be with Mathew right now, taking him back, sits like a boulder in my stomach.
My head isn’t in the game. I should have been the one traded if you go by my performance.
Thank God my teammates’ heads are though. We end up winning by a small margin.
I can’t get off that field fast enough, and when I return to the locker room, I don’t talk to anyone, quickly getting undressed, showered, and over to the media room to do my mandatory postgame interview so that I can get the hell out of here and see if Twyla’s back at her condo yet.
I don’t even know what I’m going to say to her. I’m just desperate to see her, to know if she forgave that sack-of-shit Mathew and is entertaining the idea of getting back together with him.
But when I’m done with my interview—which mostly consisted of a bunch of glares and grunts from me when the media, rightly so, called me out on my shitty performance today—Lee and Brady are standing in the hallway, seemingly waiting for me.
