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I shouldn’t be trusted, and I don’t trust myself. Not anymore.
I didn’t see one of my own people was obsessed with River Morrison and it almost cost her everything. I can appreciate it wasn’t as bad as it could have been, but she wouldn’t have been in danger in the first place if it weren’t for one of my own employees being obsessed with her, scaring her, and stalking her.
Johnny was on my payroll. It was the job I gave him which gave him access to her. It was my authority which allowed him to get close to her. It was because of me that he was able to terrorize her.
It’s all my fault and the fact that no one is blaming me only makes me more paranoid about the whole thing and convinced I shouldn’t be in charge anymore. I should hand the reins over to Duncan or Grayson. They could do the job.
I don’t need to be here. I should give it to the guys and let them run it. I don’t need the money. I’ve saved up enough from the work I’ve already done and it’s not like my wife doesn’t have plenty of money on her own.
I’m not sure what I would do with my day, but maybe it’s time. Hell, even the new guy, Everett, is excelling at his job. He’s integrated into the team. He has some skills as a P.I. which are invaluable.
Alice comes gliding into my office with a travel mug in her hand and a twinkle in her eye. I’m not surprised, she’s had this look on her face since she got back from New Orleans with Everett in tow. It could also be the whole pregnancy glow thing she has going on.
I narrow my eyes at her. “What are you up to?”
Her voice is innocent and bright, “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“Why is my coffee in a travel mug?”
“It was clean.” Alice bats her eyes at me, and I huff out a breath, but it’s hard to muster up something more for her.
I know it’s all me. It has been since I got the call about River. No, that’s not true. This feeling started the moment I found out she had a stalker. Maybe I should have gone and handled the case myself. Although, in the end, that would have been far less exciting for her considering she’s in a triad with the men I sent to help protect her.
I still should have seen Johnny for what he was.
“It wasn’t your fault Blake, and you need to get your head out of your,” Alice pauses when I look at her and she hisses, “ass.”
Even though she’s saying something I hate to hear, I can’t help it when one side of my mouth quirks up at her. It’s adorable the way she hisses the curse word because she’s at work and I am, technically, her boss. That’s never stopped Alice from being who she is. It works out considering most of the time she’s a sweet woman who is damn good at her job as the receptionist and backbone of HS.
“My ass?” I can’t help myself and tease her a little, barely stopping myself from chuckling at the way her cheeks pink.
She gives me a pointed look as she draws herself up to her full height, diminutive as it is, though most people fall into that category from my perspective. “Yes. Ass.” Her shoulders slump slightly and her jaw firms with determination. “You know no one blames you for what happened with River, least of all her. It’s not your fault. No one could have known Johnny was unhinged.” She shivers slightly. “I thought he was a good guy, just kind of quiet and serious.”
I know she means for her words to reassure me, but they have the opposite effect because it only reminds me that not only was River in danger, but so was this sweet woman, someone who I look at like a sister. She was in danger because Johnny was in the same building as her. What if he had fixated on her instead of River? Would that have been worse? Would we have known before it was too late?
“Stop,” Alice snaps at me and I startle a little. She points at me, fire lacing through her words, “I can practically hear your self-doubt from here. Yes, I was around him. So were a lot of other people. You weren’t the first person to employ him. Are those people at fault? Is Duncan at fault because he didn’t find anything in his very thorough background check to indicate Johnny would go off the deep end?”
“No, of course it’s not Duncan’s fault,” there’s a growl in my voice as I defend my friend, my brother, my family.
Alice nods decisively, her word final, “Exactly.”
With that, she wraps her arms around my shoulders, which are barely able to wrap around me. She hugs me so tightly and fiercely I’m almost concerned about her hurting herself, though I’ll never say it. She’s trying to give me comfort which is the only thing which allows me to wrap an arm around her and hug her back.
I can appreciate what she’s trying to do, even if it’s not exactly working.
I wish it was.
I wish I could let this go.
Her arguments are ones I’ve heard before, but it’s not just what happened with River. It’s the idea of losing anyone, of anyone I care about being in danger. I know it doesn’t make sense, but this is my responsibility. The family looks to me for their safety and their peace of mind.
How can I provide that for them now?
Someone clears their throat at the door to my office and Alice pulls away slowly to look over her shoulder to find Everett leaning against the door frame, smiling. She bounces over to him and I watch the way he takes her in, awe written all over his face.
They’re good together. I’m glad Alice has someone to have her back, she deserves nothing less.
I’m about to tell them to go home for the rest of the day, to enjoy the time they have together, but the words are stolen from me before I can voice them. All because my gorgeous wife breezes through the doorway, right past the happy couple, her violet eyes locked onto me. There’s a determination there, a steely resolve, which makes me want to run and hide.
