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“Shh, you’ll wake the kids. Okay, fine, if you’re not worried about that, then why the breaking and entering?”
“Because we need to talk about us. We need to talk about last night and that kiss.”
At the mention of last night and the kiss, I stiffened. I worked to blank my face. I didn’t want any of what I felt to show. “Last night was a mistake. A moment of insanity that thankfully didn’t go anywhere else. There’s no need to talk about it. We got caught up in something and lost our minds. It won’t happen again. I know how you truly feel and I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to tarnish that or make you feel guilty.”
“What do you mean, you didn’t mean to tarnish what I feel? What the hell does that mean?” he growled as he moved toward me.
I shifted back more. I didn’t have far to go before I’d be against the wall. If he came around the bed, I’d have no choice but to stand there or jump on the bed to get to the other side. I wondered if I could do that and get out the door before he caught me. I didn’t want to be having this embarrassing conversation. Why couldn’t he just forget about it? I decided to just say it and get the whole thing over with.
“I mean, I know that we weren’t thinking, and you felt guilty afterward when you realized what happened. I know you must feel like you cheated on the woman you love. I know you still love Frankie. I didn’t think otherwise. I want you to know how sorry I am that I was part of making you feel like that. That was never my intention. I admire you for staying true to her memory. You love her very much. Honestly, I’m jealous that I can’t inspire a man to love me half as much.”
I gave a half rueful laugh. “I couldn’t even keep my husband’s interest while living. I couldn’t ever imagine him loving me still, eight years after I died. Please don’t think about this a moment more. I’ll make sure that I visit with Soleil and her family away from the compound. I won’t intrude on your home or make you have to think of this every time you see me. I promise. No hard feelings. Now, please, I think you should go.”
I needed to get him out of here before I lost it. I was fighting not to cry. I wasn’t lying. I was jealous. I ached deep down to have him feel even a tenth of that for me. I might need to lie to him, but I knew that whatever I was feeling for him was real. It was something I had to kill before it was too late and it consumed me. He would never be mine and dreaming about it would only destroy me. He was taking over my mind in a matter of days which was insane.
He moved suddenly and came at me like a shot. I tried to make it up on the bed and across, but he was too fast. He captured me and took me down on the bed. We rolled, and I ended up with him hovering over the top of me. He had my wrists in one of his big hands, holding them above my head. His hips straddled mine, holding me down. His gaze was on fire as he stared intently at me. I felt my breath leave my body in a whoosh.
“I’m not going anywhere. Now, it’s my turn to talk and you’re going to listen. It seems this is the only way I can get you to stay still so I can explain. Yes, I left you last night because I felt guilty.”
I tried to squirm out from below him. I couldn’t. I didn’t want to hear him confirm what I already knew and confessed to him. That made it too real.
“But it wasn’t that I felt guilty about kissing you because I’m still in love with Frankie. Yes, I loved her and if she was still here today, I’d like to think we’d still be together, raising a family. However, what has become clear to me in the last week is if she was, I’d be having to make a decision I never thought would be possible.”
“What are you talking about?”
“I’m talking about the fact that I’d have to confess to her that I have feelings for another woman. That those feelings are ones I know will only grow deeper. That I want another woman so damn badly, that I dream about her. What kind of man does that make me? One who would leave the woman he thought he loved for one he finds himself falling for like a ton of bricks. A woman who I know will end up being the love of my life if I let her in. I thought I’d already met and lost my true love. It appears that I was wrong.”
All I could do was stare at him in utter shock. I was speechless. Surely, I had heard him wrong. This was a dream. A cruel twisted nightmare that I’d wake up from and feel a hundred times worse. As I stared at the apparition before me, he lowered his head and kissed me. I caught fire despite my efforts not to.
Law: Chapter 8
I was probably going to burn in hell for what I was doing and for thinking and feeling the things that I was, but I couldn’t help it. I’d been thinking and berating myself for the past twenty-four hours. I’d tried to talk myself out of this. To make myself go back to thinking that when Frankie died, I’d died with her. That there would never be a woman I’d want as much as I wanted her. All those hours had shown me a few things.
One was that I was an idiot for walking out last night after kissing Tonya. I’d left her alone and probably left her hating me. Two, that she had become, in such a short period of time, as necessary to me as air. Three, I thought about her no matter what I was doing, even sleeping. Four, it wasn’t just her I wanted. I wanted those kids just as much. They were a part of her and, therefore, they needed to be mine. Five, that I had never been as worried in my life as I was today when I found out she’d left the compound and no one knew where they were. I almost tore Dublin Falls apart trying to find them. All I could picture was Dan with his hands on them. What would he do to her and those kids? Finally, I knew that even if she felt nothing for me other than maybe friendship, I had to tell her the truth.
I’d remain their protector even if I had to do it from afar. Although deep down I was praying she might have a tiny bit of feelings for me. I knew she didn’t have much experience from what she confessed last night. I was a sick bastard for loving the idea of her not knowing true passion. I could tell she hadn’t from that kiss. I burned to show her. I could make her mine in so many ways, making sure in the end she’d always experience mind-blowing pleasure. If she let my true self play, I’d command and own her in the bedroom, but no less than she would own me.
I got lost in kissing her, just like last night. The taste of her was indescribable. She was sweet and spicy at the same time. I craved that taste after just one kiss. The feel of her delectable body pressed up against mine was only turning me on more. My cock was rock hard. I knew if I pressed down much more, she’d have to feel it. I wanted to take off her clothes, feast on her body, then sink my cock as deep as it could go into her pussy and make us both come, over and over.
Although I wanted to have sex with her, it was more than that—so much more and growing every moment. I wanted to cherish, love, protect and a million other things. I wanted a life that centered around her and our family. A family that would include those three adorable kids and possibly more, if she was willing to have my babies. If not, I’d be more than capable of living with just three. I wanted to go through all of life’s ups and downs with her. To grow old and die at a ripe old age in her arms. That’s what I’d realized. That’s what I was hoping to be able to convince her of and have her willing to give me a chance. If she didn’t want me like that, then I’d live the rest of my life a shattered, half of a man. Worse than what I’d been after Frankie died.
I fought to end the kiss before I lost the last thread of my control. As our lips reluctantly parted, we were both panting. Her face was flushed and I could tell she was aroused. Her nipples were hard and clearly outlined beneath her thin tank top. Her pelvis was pressing up into mine. I couldn’t stop myself from grinding my aching cock between her spread legs. She moaned and closed her eyes as I groaned and fought not to tear the fabric separating us and sinking into her.
I couldn’t ever recall feeling this aroused or out of control to have a woman. Not when I was a horny teenager when a nice breeze could get me hard, or when I was with Frankie. Our love and passion had been a slower burning kind. I’d always more than enjoyed our time together, but I’d never hungered for her like I was Tonya. Nor had I wanted a woman even half this much since then.
“God, baby, you have to stop or I’m not going to be able to keep from stripping you bare and feasting on you,” I growled low in her ear.
She shuddered then opened her eyes to stare up at me. I saw her passion, panic and surprise all rolled into one. “Law, we can’t. I don’t know what’s happening here, but we can’t. You’re confused and not thinking clearly. Whatever you think you’re feeling guilty about, it isn’t because you want me or don’t love Frankie. It’s not,” she babbled.
“Like hell it isn’t! I know my own damn mind. I’ve had nothing but time to think all last night and all fucking day while I tried to find you. I can tell you feel something too. Your kisses, face and body tell me that. What I want to know is, is it merely lust or is it more? Could you see yourself growing to care for me?”
I dreaded hearing what she would say. If she said it was all lust, it would kill me, but I didn’t want to go into this without knowing that. If it was purely sex, then I’d walk away, no matter how difficult it would be. Getting involved with her, having feelings when she didn’t, wouldn’t work for me. I’d rather go without than to settle for that.
She didn’t say anything for a minute or so, which only increased my fear. Eventually, I saw acceptance appear on her face. Acceptance of what? My years as a police officer had made me very good at reading people’s expressions but I was afraid to hope with her that I was right.
Finally, she answered me. “Law, as much as I’d like to tell you that all I feel is lust, I’d be lying to you and myself. I swore that I’d never do that to myself again. I let what I thought I felt for Dan convince me we were in love with each other. Time showed we weren’t. Maybe if we’d tried harder, or we were different people, it could have. I don’t know. I’m not going to kid myself ever again that something is more than it is. Saying that, I do admit there is something between us I can’t explain.”
“Like what?”
