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The conversation flowed around us while I sat there thinking. Until there was a lull and Jesse filled it by saying, “Mom, I think this is wrong. Can you please check it?” He was elbow-deep in the pasta mixing bowl and had a smear of flour across his forehead.
Ally stiffened in surprise and her gaze shot to Jesse. I couldn’t be sure, but I got the sense this was the first time he’d ever called her mom. He looked up at her at the same time, looking just as shocked. It was the most adorable slip of the tongue that had everyone smiling. Ally put her arm around his shoulders and pressed a kiss into his shaggy hair. “It looks perfect to me, buddy. Maybe a bit more flour.”
“Okay.” Jesse looked at Ally, a solemn expression in his eyes. “You don’t mind?”
“Are you kidding? I fu—- bloomin’ love it.”
His shoulders dropped in relief and he grinned before shoving his hands back into the bowl.
Ally turned away to wash her hands at the sink, her back to the room. Gabe leaned in, saying something for her ears only, and she nodded before dropping her forehead to his chest. Even from where I was sitting, I could see her draw in a slow, shuddering breath before raising her face to Gabe’s for a soft kiss. He smiled at her, wiping what must have been tears from her cheeks. She whispered something to him and it didn’t take a genius to make out Gabe’s“I love you, too,”in reply. Once she’d composed herself, Ally turned back to the kitchen island and got back to making pasta.
“Oh my god, that’s so sweet,” Emma whispered.
“Yeah.”
The conversation picked up again and Emma turned to chat with Lucy about how Sophie was doing with sleeping through the night. I tried to pay attention but gave up after a few minutes. I was distracted because the whole scene with my brother and Ally had stirred up that feeling again, lodged right under my heart, making it hard for me to breathe.Yearning. That’s what it was. A bone-deep longing for more than this miserable, lonely life I’d been leading for the past ten years.
Back then, I’d thought that pushing Emma away was the right thing to do and yeah, maybe it was. Back. Then. But how about now? The old, reckless, wild me, the me who drank too much and drove too fast was long gone. I had my own house, a steady job, some money in the bank. Maybe now I’d make a good husband. If I worked really hard at it, maybe a good father, too. Christ, could you imagine that? Me and Emma, as parents?
Thing was, I could imagine it. It came to me in a crystal-clear vision that only made the yearning grow until I felt it wrap around my heart. I had to tell her. She had a right to know.Will you take a chance on me again, Em? Take a second chance on us?
As though she sensed it, Emma slid from my lap and walked into the kitchen without looking at me. There was a strained smile on her face as she offered to make a head start on the dishes.
“Sure, if you like,” Zara replied, then looked at her closely, a small frown between her brows. “You okay?”
“Of course. You know the drill. The one who doesn’t help with the cooking…” She trailed off and moved to the sink. With her back to me, I couldn’t see how she looked, but Gabe could. He shot me a look, his brow raised in question.
Fucked if I know.Suddenly, Emma seemed further away from me than she ever had before.
CHAPTER27
Emma
Ismiled a thank you to Poppy as she put our cheesecake on the table, then turned my attention back to Ally. “You cried. Don’t tell me you didn’t. I saw you.”
“Fucking right I did! It was the cutest thing ever. I’m still not over it. In fact,” Ally waved at her face frantically, blinking back tears, “even just thinking about it makes me emotional again. It’s not every day your stepson calls you Mom for the first time.”
“Awww.” I picked up my coffee cup and took a sip. Ally gushing about Jesse was just what I needed.
“Yeah, like I thought the wedding thing, when I gave him the name change certificate was pretty cool. But this…hoo boy. Even though he’s pretty much treated me like I’m his mom since I moved in, and he says he loves me, this was…wow.”
“Yeah.”
“It took him a while to get there with Gabe, so I was fine with it, didn’t want to pressure him…”
“Of course.”
“I mean, of course I was hoping for it, but the way it just slipped out, the way it just came so naturally to him. That’s what really finished me off.”
I sighed appreciatively. “I love it.”
“Me too. But anyway, enough about me. I want to hear all about the Emma and Jake show.”
“What? How did you hear about that?” Oh fuck, I could feel my cheeks burning.
“Huh? What are you talking about? Hear about what? I just meant what’s up with you guys.”
“Oh. Oh, right. Of course.”
