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That made me smile, so I did what she said, taking the time to get my thoughts organized so I could tell it in a way that made sense.
Ally’s eyes were full of sympathy when I finished the whole sorry tale. “Man, that’s tough.”
I nodded, waiting for Poppy to refill my coffee before leaning back in my chair, wrapping my fingers around the cup. “He’s really different now, though, so I don’t know why it’s still bugging me.”
“You either trust him or you don’t. Simple as that.”
“It’s not like Idon’ttrust him. I wouldn’t be doing this with him if I didn’t. I dunno. Maybe it’s that I don’t know what I want. It took me so fucking long to get over him, you know? To let go of the dreams we shared. I honestly can’t imagine just picking that up again, as if the last ten years had never happened.”
“Because of how he broke up with you?”
“Maybe, subconsciously. And anyway, it’s not like he’s throwing declarations of love around like confetti.”
“Doesn’t seem to me that you want him to, though. If he’s picking up on that, he’s smart not to.”
“If he even does love me?”
“Well, yeah. What do you think about that? In all seriousness. You think he’s in love with you?”
I looked down at the pink lace tablecloth, tracing the pattern thoughtfully with my fingertip. “I think we managed to fall out of love with each other pretty completely.” Even as I said it, I wasn’t sure it was true. At least for me. Nope, not going there. Not even thinking it. Me, Jake, the big L word. Way,waytoo much. “He cost me a lot of happiness and I just don’t know if I can fall into it with him again.” There. That was a nice, familiar thought pattern that I knew how to handle.
“So what are you going to do?”
I shrugged. “Probably more of what we’re doing now. At least until Dad gets back from New York.”
“And after that?”
I stared out the window at the rain-soaked town square. “Honestly? I have no fucking idea.”
CHAPTER28
Jake
Holy fuck, I was nervous. I patted my back pocket for the tenth time in as many minutes to make sure the ring was still there. Waiting for Emma to get home was killing me.Home.That’s what I wanted. For this to be home to Emma. To have her here with me every day for the rest of our lives. And I was going to tell her exactly that. Tonight. I’d made a special dinner, pulled out my mom’s special dinner set and wine glasses and everything. Lit the candles. Then her text had come through.
Emma:Gonna be late, sorry.
Me:No problem.
Such a lie. It was a big fucking problem. Should I text and ask her how late? Or would that be pushy? Well, I needed to know, otherwise I wouldn’t get the steak started at the right time.
Me:Any idea how late?
Emma:Not sure.
Crap. Was it my imagination, or was she brushing me off? Probably just me overthinking it. I couldn’t deny the relief that surged through me at her next text.
Emma:The nurse who’s on shift after me has a flat tire. I can’t leave until she gets here, sorry.
Me:Just let me know when you’re on your way.
She didn’t reply to that, so I dropped my phone on the counter and poured a glass of wine. I stared at it for a ridiculously long moment. Drinking on my own had always been a red flag for me. The temptation to knock it back and immediately pour myself another almost overwhelmed me.Stop it, asshole. Right now.The last thing I wanted to do was start the first day of the rest of my life slipping back into my old ways.
I left the wine glass sitting untouched on the kitchen counter and went into the living room with a sick, restless feeling churning in my gut. The next twenty minutes had me sitting on the sofa, staring mindlessly at the television. I didn’t even register what I was watching. Then Emma texted again.
Emma:On my way.
Three simple words, but they had me bolting up from the couch and racing back to the kitchen. Throwing the steaks in the pan, I checked on the roast potatoes. They were slightly overdone, but they’d be fine. Same with the green beans.
