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“I love you.”
Emma went completely still, staring at me, no expression in her gorgeous blue eyes.
The words had just popped out, completely unplanned. But I’d said it now, there was no taking it back. I could only plunge forward. “I love you, Emma. Having you here with me, coming home to me every night, being able to cook for you…just be with you…I want that. I want more than just playing house, Em. I want it to be real. And I want it to be forever.”
Still with the blank expression on her face. “I…I don’t know what to say.”
I scrubbed my hand over my face, trying to ignore the tearing feeling in my heart. “I guess you don’t have to say anything. Just listen to what I have to say and see what you think.”
“Okay.”
The ring box was burning a fucking hole in my pocket, but there was no way I was going to take it out now. I tried to think of something to say that would prove I meant what I said. Something she could believe in. “The truth is, pushing you away ten years ago was only the second-hardest thing I’ve ever done in my life. The hardest was living without you after that.”
A slight frown furrowed her brow.
“I knew it was for the best, that you deserved more than I could give you, but the truth is, I’ve never stopped loving you.”
Her frown deepened.
“I don’t want to spend the next ten years, or the rest of my life, missing you. Not touching you. Regretting not taking a chance. Not asking you to take a chance. On me. On us. I love you, Emma.”
The frown became a full-fledged scowl. “Are you fucking kidding me right now?”
Okay, that was not what I was expecting. “No, I’m not kid—”
“What the actualfuck, Jake! Do you know how hard I had to work to get over you? It took meyears! Now, to find out that it was all for nothing, that we could have been happy all this time? That I…I could have been happy…” Her voice cracked. “We could be married now, maybe with some kids! All that pain and loneliness was for nothing! How fucking dare you!” Her eyes were dark with fury.
I stared at her.
“And why the fuck don’t I get a say in things, why is everything on your fucking terms? You get to push me away, smash my heart to pieces, love me from a distance, untilyoudon’t want to anymore. All of a sudden,youcan’t live withoutme, so I get some declaration of undying love? What the hell am I meant to do with that?” She shoved to her feet, the dining chair crashing onto the floor behind her. “I’ll tell you what I’ll do with it! Leave your sorry ass! How fucking dare you! You’re ten years too late for this, Jake. I’m so fucking out.”
I sat frozen in the chair, as Emma turned away from me, stormed over to grab her coat and purse. Without so much as a backward glance, she tore the front door open, slammed it shut again behind her. The sound of her car starting up had me jumping from the chair and racing to the door, but she was already backing out of the drive at top speed. All I could do was watch her go.
I went back inside, feeling like I’d been suddenly hit by a runaway freight train. I mean, I knew Emma had been off, but I’d had no inkling allthatwas brewing inside her. Fuck!
The sound of her car speeding away, the squeal of her tires as she rounded the corner, echoed through the house. I had no idea where she was going—home to be by herself, or to Ally’s, or Lucy’s, or just anywhere that was away from me—but she wasn’t in any fit state to be driving.
What should I do? I couldn’t go after her, obviously. Shoving my fingers through my hair, I tried to think straight, but I couldn’t. My mind was clouded by the image of Emma, her eyes blazing with wounded fury. I’d never fucked anything up as badly as this, that was for sure.
Grabbing my phone, I sucked in a few deep breaths to try and calm myself before bringing up Ally’s number.
She answered on the second ring. “Hey, everything okay?”
“I don’t know. Can you call Emma?”
“Of course. What am I supposed to say?”
Good question. I didn’t really know. Emma’s reaction had completely surprised me and I was reeling. “We had a fight. Sort of. I mean, not really. I told her I loved her. She blew up and left.”
“I see.”
She saw? Good, because I sure didn’t.
“I’ll try and get a hold of her and call you back.”
“Thanks, Ally. Mainly I just want to know she’s okay.” The image of Emma in a mangled wreck of a car wouldn’t leave my mind.
“Leave it with me.”
