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Dice snort-laughs. “Is that an official job title?”
“And you, Dougie, are a very negative influence. Why exactly were you so desperate to have my son?”
“Kids like him are crying out for male attention,” he spits. “It didn’t take long to have him working for me. He told me about his mum never being around, and then I found out he was Connie’s grandson. I’ve spent months hearing how you treat your mum, and it was about time you saw how hard parenting can be.”
I frown. “You wanted to teach me a lesson?”
“I wanted to take the streets from The Perished Riders. Ollie was my way in.”
“How?”
“Like I’m gonna tell you. You might think you’ve won, but when we take our evidence to court, the judge will hand Ollie right back over to his grandmother.”
“Evidence?” asks Dice.
“And if anything happens to me, they’ll come right to the club,” he adds, smirking.
“Bullshit,” I mutter, picking up a syringe. “Yah know what I just found? A whole lot of shit you were about to push out on the street.”
“And you didn’t touch it, right?” he growls. “Cos if it doesn’t get to where it’s going, we have a problem.”
“Wedon’t,” I tell him. “Youdo.” I grab his arm, and he tries to shrug me off. Dice takes over, pulling his arms down and holding them steady while I tie one off and wait for a vein to pop up. “Don’t you trust your own shit?” I ask.
“I’m not a user,” he yells.
“Rosey, stop,” cries Mum.
“I’m just doing my job, Mum. Did you tell him to stop when he was giving me pills?”
I press the needle to his vein until it breaks the skin. “Enjoy the ride,” I whisper, plunging the heroin into him.
He relaxes, letting his head fall back. “Did you?” I ask her again. “Each pill he shoved down my throat, did you ask him to stop?” She looks uncomfortable. “Because that’s your one job as a mother,” I continue, “to protect your child, and I don’t remember you ever doing that for me.”
“I found it hard,” she whispers. “Being a mum didn’t come naturally to me.”
“Nor me,” I yell, pushing my face closer to hers, “because I had no one to teach me. But what I did have was a whole load of memories telling me what not to do.” Dice steps out the room. “For instance, I never had sex with anyone while Ollie was in the room. You can ask Ollie if he’s ever heard me have sex and I can promise you he’ll say no.”
“What is this achieving, Rosey?”
I shrug. “I guess it makes me feel better. Another parenting no-no is getting so wasted on drink and drugs that your kid has to put you to bed and clean up your vomit.”
“Please, just stop,” she whispers.
“And yet you thought you’d be a better parent to my son than me?”
“I’ve changed.”
“No, you haven’t. You still repeat the same cycles—bad choices in men, letting them do what they want, and letting them harm me.”
“You were depressed. You needed medicating,” she argues.
“Is that what he told you?” I yell. “Did that make it easier to believe you were doing something good? I came to you for help, and that doesn’t happen often, but because I’ve been there for you a million times, I thought I could trust you to be there for me.” I take a shuddering breath. “Just one time, Mum. I just needed you one time.”
“I was trying to help.”
“Bullshit. You wanted my son because Dougie told you that’s what you wanted. You could have told him to fuck off, Mum. I was happy to have you in mine and Ollie’s life again, but it wasn’t enough, was it? It’s never enough for you because you need a man to live, to breathe, to exist.”
“You were hard work growing up. It was easier to have help than be on my own.”
