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‘I’m sorry.’ He wiped the tears away, which merged with the rain on his face. ‘I’ve actually… I’ve actually been doing a lot of soul-searching, while I was away. When I wasn’t working. It was horrible, being away from you. And being away from home. I hated it. For the first time, I hated my navy work, and I never used to. It was always an adventure. It always made me feel alive.’ He took a deep breath. ‘But I realised, when I was away, that there was something – someone – that made me feel more alive than defusing bombs did.’ He chuckled, wiping away another tear. ‘Wow. That was a ridiculous sentence to say out loud, wasn’t it?’
‘No. Not at all. Well…’ Carrie took a minute, and smiled for the first time. ‘Kind of.’
‘Well, I mean it,’ Rory continued. ‘I saw that I had true feelings for you, Carrie. And it scared the hell out of me. More than I’ve ever been scared by anything. And I’ve done some pretty scary things in my time.’
Thunder banged loudly overhead; the storm had arrived in full. Lightning flashed dramatically.
‘Oh.’ Carrie didn’t quite know what to say. If she was honest with herself, she had deep feelings for Rory too, but she’d been trying to ignore them. What use was it, having feelings for someone who had disappeared from her life and was, to all intents and purposes, ignoring her? ‘I don’t know what to say to that. I… I have feelings for you too. That’s why I’m so upset that I didn’t hear from you.’
‘I need to explain some stuff. Can I come in now?’ Rory pleaded. He looked so pathetic.
Carrie’s heart went out to him then. ‘Of course, you can.’ She stepped aside. ‘I’m sorry. I should have invited you in already.’
‘Don’t be sorry. I was an idiot.’ He stepped inside the doorway. ‘And I should have done this when you opened the door, instead of trying to argue a stupid point. I’m sorry that I am a bit soaked through, though.’
Rory took her face in both of his hands and kissed her, his lips meeting hers softly. His touch was as electric as she remembered, and Carrie was taken aback for a moment at the suddenness of his lips on hers. Yet, just as instantly, she was taken back into the hot, sweet current of energy that existed between them: it was a constant, ongoing, harmonious connection that just felt right and whole and deeply satisfying, while making her want more.
‘I missed you,’ she breathed, as his lips grew more intense on hers. ‘I missed you so much.’
‘I missed you too,’ Rory murmured, as he took her in his strong arms. ‘And I never want to leave you, ever again.’
THIRTY-FOUR
‘I need to tell you some things.’ Rory broke away from their kiss, clearing his throat and laughing softly. ‘Before we get into any… serious kissing. Not that I don’t want to, of course. It’s almost all I’ve thought about for two months. God alone knows how I managed to deliver that training, I was so distracted.’ He ran his hand through his dripping black, tousled hair and sighed. ‘I’ve never known anyone like you, Carrie. You… you do something to me.’
‘You have a very… strong effect on me too,’ she admitted. ‘Look, can I just go and change? These are my cleaning clothes. I don’t exactly look my best.’
‘You look perfect to me.’ Rory looked surprised. ‘To be fair, I’m literally soaked through. I hadn’t even noticed what you were wearing.’ He frowned for a moment, looking at her T-shirt. ‘That shirt is cute as hell, though. Makes me want you even more.’ He let out a long, deep breath that sounded halfway like a growl. ‘It’s not helping me focus right now.’
‘This?’ Carrie looked down at the cartoon bears. ‘Are you serious? This is the most unsexy outfit anyone has ever worn, in the history of the world.’
‘You could wear a bin bag and I’d still want you. I’d still think you were the sexiest woman alive.’ Rory rubbed his face with both hands. ‘It’s actually torture looking at you right now and not… doing much more, if I’m honest.’
‘Well, I’m not sure I believe you, but okay,’ Carrie half laughed. ‘Come in,’ she said, pointing to the lounge. ‘Let me get you a towel, at least.’
Rory walked through, and she shut the front door, nipping into the bathroom to get a fluffy pink bath towel and following him into the lounge. He perched nervously on the edge of the pink chaise longue, taking the towel when she handed it to him. He stripped off his coat and the long-sleeved sweater he wore underneath and towelled himself off.
Carrie tried not to gape at his ripped, muscular torso and the black hair on his chest.
‘Okay, so, come on. What is it that you have to say?’ She cleared her throat, sitting on the white sofa, facing him, glad she’d hoovered already and tidied up the lounge. It was a very girly, cosy room, and Carrie reflected for a moment that Rory looked slightly incongruous in it: bare chested in a pink towel and jeans and work boots against the pink chair, the floral wallpaper and the vintage fireplace.
‘I need to explain something to you,’ Rory sighed. ‘I hope it’s going to clarify why I might have been a little… off with you, here and there. And explain what I mentioned just now.’ He put the towel on the chaise next to him.
‘You had your heart broken,’ Carrie interjected. ‘I’m sorry about that. It’s hard. Not that I’ve ever… well, not in that way, anyway. Not a man,’ she added. ‘Losing my sister broke my heart. Forever. I don’t think I’ll ever get over it.’
‘I know, and I’m so sorry. I should have thought about what you were going through before I… you know.’ Rory shook his head. ‘I was thoughtless. I shouldn’t have slept with you, maybe. You were probably too vulnerable, and…’
‘I wasn’t. I mean, yes, I’m going through some stuff, but I was more than ready for that night,’ Carrie replied, honestly. ‘It was one of the best nights of my life. Definitely the best… you know.’ She blushed and looked away.
‘I’m very glad to hear it,’ he said in a low voice, giving her a long look under his thick black eyelashes that made her quiver with pleasure. ‘But I have to get this out.’
‘Okay.’ Carrie looked down at her hands. It was an effort not to go over to where he sat and wrap her arms around his chest.
‘Right. So, the last relationship I had was when I was in the navy. Her name was Sarah. In the beginning it was amazing. I fell hard for her, like I hadn’t ever done before, or since. Well, not until now,’ he added, giving Carrie a small smile. ‘I would have moved heaven and earth for her. I wanted to marry her, have babies, everything. Even though I knew that my life didn’t really allow for that kind of set-up.
‘Anyway, we were seeing each other pretty much long distance. I’d be away for months at a time, but then we’d have a few amazing weeks together, and it was hard when I was away, but I also loved my job and I was able to lose myself in it, you know?’
Carrie nodded.
