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“What’s in your hands?” He sat up in bed, pushing the black sheet to his waist, revealing the hard ridges of his toned chest and stomach.
My mouth went dry.
I forgot how to speak.
The undercurrent that always flowed between us felt particularly vicious tonight.
My nipples pebbled, and my stomach twisted, and it took all my strength to lift my gaze to his. I smiled as if the delicious sight of his pillow-ruffled sun-bronzed brown hair, sleep-hooded eyes, and perfectly toned body didn’t make me tingle all over.
Those butterflies that I constantly trapped and suffocated in a glass jar flurried and fought, desperate to be free to leap into bed with him, dive their wings through his hair, and flutter against those lips I’d only kissed once.
I swallowed hard as I always did whenever I thought of that kiss on Noah Beach. How he’d stiffened and stopped breathing. How, for the tiniest of heartbeats, his lips had shifted beneath mine, and the groan that’d escaped him set fire to every droplet of my blood.
But then he’d pushed me away.
He’d told me exactly why it would never happen again.
And I’d respected his reasoning ever since. Not because I didn’t want him more than anything, but because I didn’t want him to leave...and I was terrified he’d vanish if I pushed him.
“I got you a gift.”
“What? Why?” His voice was husky and low. “I don’t need anything, and even if I did, you could’ve waited until morning to give it to me.”
“I could’ve, yes. But I...I wanted to see you.”
“You saw me at dinner a few hours ago.”
“You and Dad were poring over the nautical maps of Whitsundays. I know you’re going with them next week, and I can survive on my own, but...I’ll miss you.”
He sucked in a breath, his eyes darkening. “It’s only four days.”
“Four days of being alone.”
“You’re the one who said you’d rather stay here than crash at a friend’s place.”
“I know.” I shifted the two bulky gifts in my lap. “I’m not regretting that choice. Just jealous that I can’t come with you.”
“You have exams. School is almost over for the year.”
I smiled. “Only one more year to go before uni.”
His lips tipped up. “I’m proud of you. You’ve worked super hard.” He chuckled. “And sacrificed untold hours of reef swimming and dolphin diving for being land-locked to study.”
“And I’ve hated every moment of it.”
“Ah well, the moment you get your degree, you can be back on the sea. Perhaps, when you officially work for your parents, I can find something that suits my preference for keeping earth beneath my feet.”
I stilled. “You know you’ve become invaluable to them. Just because I’ll be a fully qualified marine biologist doesn’t mean they won’t still want your help.”
He shrugged. “Doesn’t bother me. I’ll be free to find something more suited.”
The way he said it was too relaxed, too rehearsed.
Without my parents paying him, he opened himself up to a whole ocean of risk.
Leaning closer, I whispered, “You could work for me instead. I’ll get my own boat and research grants and—”
“I’ll still have to step foot on the ocean all day.”
“Would that be so bad?”
“Yes.” He laughed, deliberately keeping things light between us. “Have you not been listening to anything I’ve said the past four years?”
“What if you could live beneath the sea? Would that change things?”
He raked his hands through his hair, making his biceps bunch and pecs bounce.
I crossed my legs together, growing indecently warm.
“The only way you could ever get me to live willingly beneath the sea would be to prove it was safer than living out of it.”
“Would you live there if I lived there? Would you trade air for salt if it meant we could be together?”
The air immediately crackled between us. “Neri...don’t.”
I didn’t know what possessed me to skip close to the line we never crossed, but I couldn’t stop myself. “If the thought of you going away for four days makes me sick to my stomach, what the hell is it going to feel like when you finally do leave?”
“I’m not going anywhere.”
“What if you fall in love and chase after someone?”
He swallowed hard. His eyes ignited with coal-fire.
I didn’t breathe, bracing myself for him to brush away such a thing, but he licked his lips and whispered, “I can’t fall in love if I’ve already fallen.”
I moaned.
I couldn’t stop it.
My skin came alive; my heart exploded with all the instincts and all the moments where I tripped and fell, only to end up broken and bleeding on the ground.
He contradicted everything he’d said on Noah Beach.
He gave me hope.
Tears pricked my eyes as Aslan leaned forward and cupped my cheek. His skin was warm from sleeping. His hand slightly calloused from work. His touch achingly tender and desperately right.
I leaned into his palm.
We never brought up what happened in Daintree and the lines between us were no longer drawn in sand but built in stone and concrete. Neither of us had attempted to cross them. Neither of us had slipped or made the other hope everything could be different. Neither of us was brave enough to shove aside the very real problems preventing us from being together and saying fuck it to everything but us.
