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Reeva was crying too much to speak.
“You don’t need to be so sad for me,” said Satya Auntie gently. “I’ve made my peace with going.”
“But I’m sad forme,” cried Reeva. “I can’t bear the thought of you not being here. I’ll miss you so much. I don’t know how I’ll cope. And I’m so angry we’ve missed all this time we could have had together. Even if it was only the last ten years. It would have been...” Reeva imagined a world where Satya Auntie had supported and guided her through her twenties, her career, her breakup. She choked back a sob. “Really, really great.”
Satya Auntie looked down at the white bedsheet. “I think a lot of that was my fault. I’m sorry, Reeva. My ego stopped me from getting in touch while I was estranged from my family. You know? If they didn’t want me, then they wouldn’t get me. Not even the kids.” She smiled at Reeva. “It’s why I’m so impressed by you. Even when you weren’t speaking to your sisters, you were still always there for your nieces. The aunt I wish I could have been.”
Reeva gave her a watery smile back. “Thanks. But it was different for me because I’d met them pre-drama. I already loved them. You’d never met us.”
“You’re kind for trying to make me feel better, but I’ve already accepted my mistake. It’s okay—I’m not beating myself up about it. It was just the way it was. And when I came to England to make my peace with Hemant, I didn’t really know how to keep him in my lifeandreach out to you three. The situation was so messy. I didn’t want to jeopardize my relationship with Hemant, and the topic was so painful for him that I avoided it. But, Reeva,I have thought about you all. A lot. It was my greatest wish to meet you before I died, so no matter how long I have left, I’ll always be grateful that happened.”
Reeva shook her head slowly. “It’s such a shame that one incident led to so many broken relationships. I don’t blame you. It just breaks my heart that families can cut each other out. Imagine how different things would have been if your parents hadn’t cut you out, if our mum hadn’t cut Dad out, or...” She paused, grinning ruefully. “If I hadn’t cut out my sisters.”
Satya Auntie laughed. “Families are complicated. But I’m proud of you for making up with your sisters. If there’s one thing I’ve learned, it’s that life is short. Fix everything while you can.”
“Right,” said Reeva softly. Her mind flashed to Nick and Lakshmi. “Do you feel you have? Do you feel... ready to go? You’re still so young.”
“I do. I haven’t done anything perfectly, but that isn’t the point, is it? I’ve lived my life on my own terms, and that feels like true success to me.”
Reeva nodded. “I love that. I’ve aimed for perfection for so much of my life, but it’s so pointless. It doesn’t exist. I should have been like you and aimed for authenticity instead.”
“You can always start now—” said Satya Auntie, breaking off to cough.
Reeva’s brow creased. “Are you okay? Oh, I hate to see you like this. You don’t deserve this, Satya Auntie.”
Her aunt sipped from a glass of water and cleared her throat. “I’m okay. And it’s not about deserving things or not. This is just my path. It’s my time.”
“It’s come so early,” said Reeva quietly.
“Only because we had expectations that it would beotherwise. I’m okay surrendering to it all. And you’ll be okay once I’m gone, Reeva. You don’t need to suffer.”
“Um, of course I’ll suffer!” cried Reeva. “I love you!”
“I love you too—so, so much.” Her aunt squeezed her hand as tight as she could. “It’s normal that you’ll feel pain—it’s the price of love, as they say. But suffering isn’t necessary. That’s just born out of our thoughts.”
“You’re going to need to explain that.”
“Well, thoughts like ‘I’ll never be happy again’ or ‘This is the worst thing to ever happen to me’ or ‘No one understands.’ These are the thoughts that cause suffering. If you learn to question them and realize they aren’t true, the suffering can go. Then you’ll be left with the pain, which is hard, yes, but it’s also beautiful. And it doesn’t last. Nothing does.”
Reeva looked at her aunt in despair. “How am I going to survive without you telling me these things? Nobody else in my life thinks like you do.”
“I’m not in a coffin just yet!”
Reeva gave her a teary smile. “Sorry.”
“Now,” said Satya Auntie, straining to sit up. Reeva rushed to put a pillow behind her back. “Your mum came to see me yesterday and told me everything. About your dad. And the coma...”
Reeva’s face fell.
“How are you feeling?” her aunt asked.
Reeva smiled brightly. “Oh, it’s fine,” she waved her hand dismissively. “I want to talk about you. You’re the one who’s dyi— I mean, in the hospital.”
“You can say the worddying. I’m not scared of it.” Her aunt laughed. “But, Reeva, I think it’s important we talk about this. It’ll be helpful for me too—I had no idea my brother had a drinking problem.”
“Did you really not know?” asked Reeva. “Didn’t you once say he got really angry and smashed something when he was drunk?”
Satya Auntie nodded. “Yes. Before I left. But I never saw him touch alcohol when I came back. Not once in these last ten years.”
