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Jasmine
I sit on the couch, my head in my hands as I try desperately to force my brain to put together the pieces of my mind. It’s like I catch a glimpse of Hunter watching me with adoration, and then he slips away from me before I can grasp onto it. I’m so frustrated I can’t stand it. How in the world can I forget something that matters this much to me?
I hear a tapping on my door before it cracks open. “Jazz, mind if I come in?”
I smile at the sound of Gramps’s voice, the most wonderful human being on this planet. It instantly cheers me up.
“Of course you can,” I tell him as I stand.
He walks in, always larger than life, a twinkle in his eyes belying his age. His lips turn into a huge smile as he sees me. “Here’s my girl,” he says, his voice booming in the large room. He makes his way to me, instant concern furrowing his brow. “What’s the matter?”
I sigh as I gaze up at him. “I’m trying to force my mind to remember the months I’ve lost. I start to think I’m okay with forgetting, but you know me, I can’t stand feeling left behind or being in the dark about anything. This is absolutely driving me crazy,” I tell him, sounding far more like the little girl who used to sit on his knee than the young woman I now am.
He leads me back to the couch and we sit as he places an arm around me and pulls me against his solid chest. There’s always comfort in being in Gramps’s arms. He’s the anchor to our whole family and imagining this world without him is impossible.
“Memories can be an elusive thing, my sweet girl. Sometimes they slip away from us just when we need them the most.” I hear the pain in his voice and instantly feel guilty.
“Oh Gramps, I’m so sorry,” I tell him as we both think of Grams. She has Alzheimer’s and some days it’s not so bad, but others it’s terrible. Gramps loves her so much it rips him apart every time he sees her suffer. And now I’m complaining over a measly six months.
“Don’t you apologize, young lady,” he tells me. “You can be upset over your memory loss while still appreciating what your Grams is going through. They are two different situations, and one doesn’t matter more than the other,” he assures me.
“Grams is losingallof her memories. I’ve simply lost a few,” I tell him. “Putting it like that, I’m being petty.”
“No emotion is petty,” he assures me. “We’re talking about you right now, not my beautiful wife. She’s always on my mind, and yes, it breaks my heart to see her lose a part of herself, but the thing about love is that it never ends. I love her more every single second of the day. My heart’s so full I don’t know why it doesn’t burst. Whether she remembers our love story or not, I remember, and that’s all that matters. Maybe, just maybe, your Hunter feels the same way I do.”
There’s not a single member of our family who doubts the love Gramps feels for Grams. It’s epic, the love story of a lifetime. There’s nothing that could ever sever their love. Could Hunter have a percentage of those same feelings for me? If he does, I’d be a fool to fight this.
“I think I’m so upset about this because I feel incomplete, like a piece of me has been ripped away. I can’t imagine how scary it is for Grams if this is how I feel about a small fragment of my life.”
Gramps chuckles, his eyes filled with wisdom and love. “You, my darling, are never close to incomplete. I’ve had the pleasure of watching you grow and change through the years and each day I’m prouder of you. The little girl who used to bounce on my knee became a young lady who went off to college, then joined the FBI. You’re stronger, wiser, and more determined than ever. You’re an Anderson, and that means something. You’re also kind, and beautiful, and everything a gramps could ever dream of having in a grandchild. There’s nothing on this planet you can do wrong.”
I chuckle. “I could be the worst person in the world and you’d still see me this way.” I don’t add that I still like hearing it. I don’t think it will ever matter how old I get, I’ll still need Gramps to comfort me.
“Nope, you’re perfect, and that’s all there is to it,” he says, his voice firm. Gramps is a powerful man who’s used to people listening to him and his word being the final say in everything he wants.
“What if I have to live with this void forever?”
He squeezes my shoulder. “Life’s full of uncertainties. I like to think I control everything around me, but even as powerful as I am, I realize I don’t. If I did you never would’ve gotten into an accident, my beautiful wife wouldn’t be suffering, and my family would never have any problems. But I’ve learned over the years that challenges in life make us who we are. If everything was easy, we wouldn’t grow. You’ll make it through this, my darling girl, and you’ll come out stronger on the other side. I promise you.”
“I should always come to you for advice. You’re the smartest person I know.”
He laughs, my body shaking as I lean against him. “Of course, I’m the smartest person alive,” he tells me. “Just remember to focus on making new memories. You don’t have to try so hard to remember the past. That will come or it won’t, but you’ll have new chapters added to your book, and that’s what matters.”
His words fill me with hope and a new surge of determination flows through me. Gramps is right, just as he always is. I can’t let my past define me, and I certainly can’t let it hold me back. I’m going to embrace the here and now.
“Do you remember how klutzy I used to be?” I ask him, wanting to make our conversation lighter now. I’m not ready for him to leave just yet.
He laughs again. “How could I ever forget, Jazzy? You’ve always been a force of nature, and certainly have kept me on my toes from the day you were born.”
“Remember the first time I rode a horse at Uncle Mark’s ranch? I was so dang determined to master that horse, but I ended up falling flat on my face and had everyone panicking as I was spitting mad.”
Gramps shakes his head. “That nearly gave this old man a heart attack. I was so scared when you went flying through the air. I wanted to shoot that horse, but you were a little tornado determined to tame the beast. I had to scoop you off the ground, your small body covered in dirt. It didn’t dampen your spirits though. You climbed back to your feet and were more than ready to try again, no matter how much fear your parents and I were filled with.”
“You wouldn’t let me try again, but I snuck back out there in the middle of the night. I never could give up. I eventually tamed that dang horse after a lot of humiliation and bruises. But you were so proud when I came riding out of the barn on him. I love beating the unbeatable. I want to do that for the rest of my life.”
“You will, darling, because that’s built into you. If someone tells you that you can’t do something, you must prove them wrong. I love that about you.” He laughs again and I look up at him.
“What?”
