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“I no want go school, Momma.” Sighing, I drop down in front of the threadbare sofa that he sits on and grip his tiny hands in mine. I hate that I have to leave him and go to school or work but, unfortunately, I don’t have another choice. Being a single mom was not something I thought I would ever have to deal with, kids were never on the cards for me. I just never had the urge to become a mother. Now though, having Dawson has been the best thing to ever happen to me. I didn’t grow up in a loving home where my parents would cuddle me and tell me they loved me. My father was a drunk and loved to beat my mom, then he decided that when I turned thirteen it was my turn to cop the brunt of his anger.
“I know you don’t, baby.” I squeeze his little hands. “But, remember that I only have a half day today and then we are going away for the holidays.” His little nose scrunches, I can see he is trying hard not to smile, so I tickle his sides and don’t stop until he is squealing. Now that he is happy, I take the opportunity to get his shoes on and grab our things as we head out the door but then freeze the second I see theBlack Mamba Petuniasitting there on the welcome mat. I look side to side before I reach down grab the freaking flower and shove it in the trash. I am so over this shit! If I had the money to move I would have done it months ago.
“Mama, what that?” I lock the door and grip Dawson’s hand, heading for the school daycare.
“Just something someone dropped darling, nothing to worry about.” I hate lying but I have no choice, he’s four and wouldn’t understand what’s going on.
* * *
I hate leaving Dawson, especially when he cries for me and screamsMommaas I turn and walk away. If I had another option and didn’t have to go to school or work I wouldn’t until he was at least school age but, unfortunately, I don’t have the luxury of being rich. The walk to my first class is short. I’m still nervous about spending the holidays with Leah and her friends. I’ve met Cody and I know both the girls through Katie but I haven’t met the others including her boyfriend, Darius. Leah tells me that they are all excited to meet me and have no issues with the fact I have a son. Honestly, it used to bother me that people would judge me simply because of my age and being a mom, now, I couldn’t give a shit what they think. Dawson is the single most important person in my life and everything I do daily is for him and him alone.
Just as I’m taking my seat in class, my phone pings with a text. I pull it from my pocket and cringe, it’s from Dawson’s daycare. Being a single parent means I only have one income, some weeks when the diner doesn’t have enough shifts and students cancel their tutoring sessions I’m left short and have to choose between rent, food, electricity and all the other shit. I haven’t had any shifts at the diner for the past couple of weeks and thanks to the Christmas break, my tutoring sessions are next to none, which means I’m behind on rent and daycare. Well, I’m about a month behind on Dawson’s daycare bill.
I swipe open the message, and a whoosh of air escapes me as I fight back tears.
Miss Karver, with many attempts made to try and contact you in regards to the payment of your son’s care with our center, and the account being overdue for the amount of $457.32 we have no choice but to terminate his spot here with our center. You will need to collect him immediately and organize payment within the next two weeks or we will have no choice but to take legal action. Kind regards, Jennifer Teal, Center Manager.
I close my eyes and fight back the tears that threaten to spill, no matter how hard I try I can never seem to get ahead. I’m here at CHU on a scholarship. I bust my ass every day at school and work as much as I can. I’m so thankful that on the nights I have to work, I have Jeff who watches Dawson for me. He has been a saint and is always there when I need him. Speaking of Jeff, he waltzes into class, shoots me a wide smile and comes to claim the seat next to me.
“Morning, beautiful.” He hands me a Starbucks cup and I beam at him.
“Have I told you that you are amazing?” He chuckles as I take a sip of pure heaven. “You are way too good to me.” He rolls his eyes playfully.
“How was my little man this morning?” Jeff is amazing but I don’t like how he claims Dawson as his. I mean, I appreciate everything he does for us but that doesn’t give him the right to act possessively over my son. I bite my tongue and force a smile, I won’t allow this to bother me this morning.
“Not liking the fact he has to go to daycare,” I say dejectedly. He shoots me a sympathetic look.
“If I didn’t have school you know I would watch him.” I smile my thanks and nod. “What are you and the little man doing over the break? I was thinking we could hang out and take Dawson to see some lights–”
I cut in before he can continue. “We’re actually going away with some friends.” A look of anger crosses his face before it’s masked quickly, I swear if I wasn’t paying such close attention I would have missed it.
“What friends?” Before I can answer the professor walks in effectively cutting our conversation off. I won’t lie I am grateful for the interruption. I hate that Jeff makes me feel like I have to run everything by him first. He’s a great guy and everything but he also comes off as overbearing and controlling. I know he means well and just cares about Dawson and me, but he also needs to remember he isn’t my boyfriend and he isn’t Dawson’s father so we don’t need his permission for anything.
* * *
I rush out of class and head straight for the daycare, I know it was reckless of me not to go straight to the center but I had to finish this exam or I would have failed. I have to maintain a certain grade or I risk my scholarship. I practically run the whole way there and cringe the moment I walk into the center to find Jennifer standing there with a stern look on her face. I screech to a stop breathless and try my best to keep the grimace off my face. I’m ashamed that I can’t afford my own child’s daycare bill.
“Miss Karver.” The harsh tone of her voice and the way she looks down her nose at me grates on my nerves. “We were thirty minutes away from calling child services.” My eyes widen, and I have to bite down on my tongue to keep my retort from bursting past my lips. “Dawson’s enrolment has been revoked until the payment owed has been paid, with Christmas break we have agreed to grant you three weeks to pay infull.” I grind my teeth and force myself to remain calm as I nod my understanding. I brush past her and head for Dawson’s room and grab his bag before making my presence known. The moment he sees me a smile spreads across his face as he races across the room. I bend down, scoop him into my arms and hug him to me. I don’t waste time as I leave the center, there is no way I can come up with that type of money in three weeks.
“Momma, we go way?” I push all my worries away as I focus on Dawson. I’ve tried so hard to make sure he has everything he needs but sometimes I fall short and I spend nights crying myself to sleep because of it.
“Yeah, baby, we just have to finish packing then we’re leaving.” He giggles in my hold and tries to clap as best he can. Seeing that smile on his face makes all of the day-to-day struggles worth it. I’ll bust my ass every single day of my life just to make sure that smile remains on his face. As his mother it’s my job to put his happiness before my own.
My arms are dead by the time we reach our apartment, Dawson is getting way too big for me to carry like this but I refuse to stop until I am physically unable to do it any longer. I cried when he refused to continue breastfeeding at eighteen months, that was hard for me as that was our bonding time. The sight of anotherBlack Mamba Petuniahas me halting a couple of feet away from my door. Fuck! This guy has gotten bold. Messages and phone calls are one thing but now that he knows where I live I don’t feel safe anymore, but it’s not like I have another option. I take a deep breath, place Dawson on his feet, then grab the freaking flower before he can touch it. Unlocking the door, I let him in first before I lock the door and throw the flower in the trash, praying that this one will be the last.
* * *
I spot Cody’s car the second it rounds the corner. She pulls to the curb just in front of me. Leah leaps from the car to help me load our bags as I strap Dawson’s car seat into the car, then him. I round the car and smile my thanks to Katie as she hops out to let me in to claim the middle seat.
“Let’s roll!” Leah shouts excitedly. Just as we hit the interstate, Leah’s phone begins to ring.
“Hey, you.” Cody fake gags and I can’t help but smile, I’m assuming from how her face lights up that it’s her boyfriend Darius on the other end of the call. “Yeah, we’re just hitting the interstate now.” Leah told me that her boyfriend, brother, and a couple of their friends left yesterday but they had to stay back and finish their exams like me. “Uh, we’re not fighting.” She sounds utterly perplexed as she says that. “Agreed. I hated not waking up next to you.” A pang of jealousy hits me—I wish I had that.
“I make ew better, Lee,” Dawson calls out, my heart melts at how caring my boy is, and Leah shoots him a wink.
“Love you.” Leah melts into her seat as she utters those words, ends the call and sighs.
“You two are so cute it makes me sick,” Cody mocks.
