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Most of all, he found himself consoling Patti, Chuck, and Millie who had all been close to the magnificent horse.
“Thunder was such a strong spirit,” Patti whispered, her voice trembling. “It’s just... so hard to believe he’s gone.”
Trent cupped her face gently in his hands, his eyes searching hers for a way to ease her pain. “I know. He was one of a kind. But we’ll get through this together.”
Chuck nodded, his eyes red-rimmed from unshed tears. “Thanks, Trent. Don’t blame yourself for this.”
“No,” Trent replied, his heart aching for the loss they all felt.
As the day wore on, Trent tried his best to manage his time between comforting the ranch folks and tending to the other animals. Try as he might, he couldn’t shake the guilt that settled like a lead weight in his chest. If only he’d held his ground and focused on work instead of going on a date with Patti, he might have been there for Thunder.
You’ll never learn, Trent. You’ll repeat past mistakes over and over again until everything you care about is dust and ash.
Later, at the end of the working day, Trent stood outside the stables, staring at the now-empty stall where Thunder had once been. He clenched his fists, fighting back tears as the guilt gnawed at him.
Patti was with him. She’d been uncharacteristically quiet all day long. “Hey,” she finally said, softly, her own eyes red-rimmed from crying. “You want to come back to my place and just... be together?”
Trent clenched his jaw.
“Be together,” he mumbled.
It was being together that had caused Thunder’s death.
“I thought today was going to be an amazing day,” Patti said. “Felt like finally, for the first time in years, things were going well for me.” She looked up at him with those big blue eyes. There was so much soul behind those eyes. So much longing.
He had a responsibility to Patti, he knew that. He wasn’t really to blame for Thunder’s death. He knew that. And Patticertainlywasn’t. Thunder had got sick, and had died. It was the way of the world. You couldn’t save every animal.
And yet…
He had this gnawing feeling. This awful, all-consuming ache. If he hadn’t been so weak, let himself get so distracted…
“I think I need to be alone right now.”
Patti’s face fell. “Right, of course…”
“It’s not you. It’s nothing to do with us. I j—“
“I understand,” Patti said, smiling weakly. “You feel guilty. I do, too.”
He nodded. “I don’t blame myself. Not when I think rationally, but—“
“Your heart hurts?” She placed her palm on his chest. It felt good, the warmth of her. Oh, how he longed to take comfort in Patti’s arms, in her kisses. It was all he wanted.
“My heart hurts. I can’t shake the feeling that I made a terrible mistake today.”
“It’s okay to make mistakes,” she said, desperately.
“That’s true. But some mistakes…” He trailed off.
Patti sighed deeply. “Some mistakes can’t be put right?”
“No, it’s not that.”
It’s not the first time that other creatures have suffered because of a mistake you made, Trent. Tell her. Admit it.
But he couldn’t.
“I understand,” Patti said. She turned and started to walk away.
