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“I have my guesses,” I admitted.
Jaxon removed his towel from around his waist and ran it through his hair. I knew I’d have to be the one to speak again if we were going to finish whatever this was.
“Why do you care, Jaxon? You know me and Bryson aren’t together.”
“Then why do you argue like you are?” he snapped, throwing his towel on the couch. “He treats you exactly how he sees you at that moment. I know because I do the same thing with girls I keep around for one thing.”
The words left his mouth so easily, almost like they were rehearsed. I realized that this wasn’t the first time Jaxon had played through this conversation—but this was the first time I was actually invited to it.
He shook his head. “I told you from the beginning.” He took a few steps toward me, and his voice got more intense. “He’snevergoing to treat you the way you want him to. He will never give you what you expect from a relationship with him.”
I felt the anger rising in my throat. Jaxon wasn’t allowed to stand there and preach to me about what I wanted from anyone. The night we almost slept together, I had been crystal clear about what I wanted. He read the signs and ended everything before it could even start.
“I never asked him for a relationship!” I yelled. It was my turn to take a few steps forward and approach him. “The things I fight with Bryson about havenothingto do with being together. Do I hate that he sleeps with other girls? It isn’t my favorite, but I told him I didn’t care about that from the beginning. I care that he respects me enough as a friend to tell me the truth. I get tired of the way he lies about shit and dances around the truth.”
Jaxon stared at me with his arms crossed against his bare chest.
“That must be something else you both have in common,” I snapped and turned to leave.
“Then why do you deal with it?”
When I turned back around, he was standing in front of me. His voice was softer now, but didn’t lack the urgency. “Look me in my face and tell me you don’t feel anything for him.”
His question caught me off guard. Bryson had excited me since I met him that night on the street. I couldn’t deny how he made me feel when I was with him and things weregood. I held onto glimpses of the guy I wanted Bryson to be for me in those small moments when he made me feel like I mattered to him. It was so easy for me to push aside all of the shitty parts.
But I couldn’t ignore the dip in my stomach that I’d felt since the night I met Bryson—back when I was searching the streets of bars just to catch a glimpse of Jaxon’s face. Bryson wasn’t Jaxon, and no guy ever would be.
I shook my head and sent a few tears rolling down my cheeks. There was a cocktail of anger and helplessness brewing in my bones. It had always been Jaxon I wanted, but it was Bryson who had been there to makemefeel wanted. Bryson should’ve never been an option.
“You can’t.” Jaxon’s mutter was barely audible even though he was standing inches away from me. He ran a hand through his hair and paced back to the center of the living room. The muscles in his back tensed, and he rested his hands behind his head.
I exhaled, taking advantage of the space and blinked up at the ceiling. There were two directions this conversation could take. I remembered how he looked at me that night we almost hooked up. I could still hear his words clear as day and the longing in his voice.
Maci, I can’t do this.
I stared at him from across the room. His back was still turned to me.
“I need you to say it,” I admitted, trying not to sound desperate. I needed to hear him tell me why he was so interested in my choices with Bryson. I needed him to say everything he had wanted to since the night he said no.
“Say what.” He shrugged, using a tone he reserved for his morning-after girls.
“Don’t youdaredo that to me.” I took a few angry steps forward but made sure the dining room table stayed between us.
“Do what?” he snapped, throwing his arms up in the air like he didn’t know what I was talking about. He suddenly looked like he could give two shits about this conversation.
I couldn’t hold it in anymore.
“The fuck you know, Jaxon!” I screamed and pointed angrily across the table. “You’re the one who said no!”
His eyebrows knit together, and his lips made a hard line.
When he didn’t say anything, I yelled, “That night we almost hooked up was the worst mistake I’ve ever made.” The tears built up again, and I swallowed to keep my voice from shaking. “Making up how we met and spitting some fake story to Bryson—you acted like you didn’t even know me, and that hurt like hell. You wrote everything we had out of your life as soon as I did the same shit you did the next day! You went and had sex with Heather, but you get a pass?”
“That’s not true.” He shook his head and balled his hands into fists. “I stopped it because I actually care about you. I know how I am, Maci. Haven’t you spent enough time with Bryson to realize how it would’ve gone?”
“Because this is much better.” I gestured to the space between us and met his gaze. “I didn’t realize you andKennedywere one in the same person. That you can’t make different choices.”
His green eyes were soft, and if I was going to say this to him and put everything out in the open, I had to say it now. “I needed you as a friend, and that’s what you said we’d be if we didn’t sleep together that night. I trusted you, and you’ve been punishing me for it, and it’s bullshit.”
