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"I guess," I shrugged. "I haven't thought about it."
"I'm trying to figure you out," he said, dropping his hands to his pants and putting his cock away. "I just want to give you everything that will make you feel good."
"You've given me more than enough," I said, resting my hands on his thighs as I pushed myself to my feet.
"Nothing is enough," he said, wrapping his arm around my waist and pulling me onto his thigh. "I've only given you praise, but I have a few gifts coming for you."
"Gifts?" I lifted my brows, and he grinned.
"They're surprises," he said. "Just a few things."
"You know I don't like a lot of stuff," I said, trailing my fingers over the collar of his shirt. His smile tightened. "It makes it hard to travel with so much."
"Travel?" he asked. I lifted my eyes to his. But before I could say anything else, he cleared his throat and tapped my hip. "I need to get back to work."
"Eli," I breathed, but he just gently pushed me off his lap and stood.
"Thank you, angel. I mean it." He gripped my chin and tilted my head back, pressing his lips to mine.
"Wait. Elliot." I grabbed his arm, stopping him. "What did I do wrong?"
"Nothing," he breathed, running his hand through his hair. "I just—I didn't know you'd still want to travel. But that was stupid of me. I should've known—"
"The retreats—"
"I know," he said, cutting me off. "I know."
"But I'll come back between them," I promised. "There are only six a year. And they're only for a few weeks at a time, so I'll spend most of my time here." He nodded as I spoke, but I felt him pull away.
"I know," he said again. My chest felt heavy as he stepped back toward the bedroom door.
"You're mad?" I murmured.
"I'd never ask you to give anything up for me," he said, wrapping his hand around the doorknob. "I just thought—" My throat tightened as he opened the door. "It's okay. I want you to go. You need to live your life."
Why did it feel like those words were a lie?
"I want to live my life with you," I said, and his lips tightened into a sad smile.
"I can't travel the world with you," he muttered.
"But—"
"We can talk about this later," he said, stepping into the doorway. "It's fine, Reagan. Really. I'm not upset. I want you to have the life you want and deserve. And traveling is the thing that gives you purpose."
"But—"
"Later, Rae," he rasped. "Please. Not right now." I took a deep breath, forcing myself to stay put and not go after him. I wanted to hug him. I wanted to turn the clock back two minutes and redo this entire conversation. "Don't cook dinner. I want to take my girls out tonight."
Tears burned my eyes at his words. His girls. Was I still his girl? I felt like I was moments ago, but now...now we felt a million miles apart.
* * *
I tiedthe band around Emma's hair as I finished her braid. She reached back and smoothed her hand over it, glancing over her shoulder and giving me a wide, toothy grin.
"Thanks, Auntie," she said, hopping to her feet.
My stomach dropped. That's what I was to her—her aunt. But it felt wrong to be called that. Which was ridiculous. It wasn't like whatever was happening with Eli would change my relationship with Emma. She would always be my girl, no matter what happened.
