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He gives me a nod, switching Teddy from one arm to the other. My little guy squirms to get down, and dad acquiesces, letting Teddy wander off into the crowd of people.
It might be rude, sending everyone packing when they just want a chance to grieve and mourn the lost life of someone they love. But I’m suddenly at the end of my rope.
“Your mother won’t be happy that we’re shoving everyone out so quickly. It’s not the way it’s done.”
I shake my head, the violent trembling under my skin continuing to grow with each passing moment that I have to stand here and pretend I’m keeping it together when it feels like I’m falling apart inside.
“I don’t care what mom thinks,” I tell him, jaw tight, teeth clenched. “Handle it.”
Spinning on my heel, I stride away from him and through the house, out to the garage. I never speak to my father like that, but the last thing I need from anyone right now is a reminder of how I need to be on good behavior.
I just lost my wife.
And found out that she betrayed me, again.
I think a bit of anger is more than understandable.
The garage is mostly empty, the cool space filled with one tall rack of plastic tubs filled with holiday decorations and old mementos from childhood and winter clothes we don’t need because we don’t live in seasonal weather anymore.
And Melody’s car.
God, she loved driving around in this thing. Loved leaving the top down and cruising in the Southern California climate. It wasn’t a practical vehicle to get when we moved here, but she made the argument that I was the one with the family car, so why shouldn’t she have one built for fun?
That was the only thing she ever really cared about—having a good time.
The reality of Sean’s revelation turns my memories sour, robbing me of the ability to grieve a loving wife and instead saddling me with rage over her repeated betrayal.
At that thought, I pick up the baseball bat leaning up against the wall. The weight of it feels good in my hands, a reminder of the times when I was younger and had an exciting future in front of me.
I look from the bat, the symbol of my good times, to the car, the symbol of Melody’s, and something inside me snaps, the anger coursing through me overtaking my ability to think rationally. Before I know it, I’ve lifted the bat over my head and swung down as hard as I can into her windshield.
Over and over again I connect wood to glass. Then I move on, slamming it into the headlights and the grill, bashing it against the hood and knocking off the sideview mirrors. I circle the car and try to shatter as much of it into pieces as I can, only finally coming to a stop when I feel like the car is an adequate reflection of how I feel inside.
Shattered. Broken. Beyond repair.
Exhausted, my chest heaving, I crouch down, resting my head on the butt of the bat’s handle.
“Colton.”
I don’t turn to look at my father, because I don’t want to see the look of disappointment on his face, even though I can surely hear it in his voice.
This is not what Palmers do. This is not how they raised me to handle my emotions, particularly my anger.
“I’m done,” I tell him, standing and walking through the broken glass, dropping the bat back into the corner where it was before.
When I step back into the house, I don’t allow myself to look at all the people who are still here, the people who have now seen—or heard, rather—my moment of weakness.
“Why don’t you take Teddy up to your room,” my father says. “Try to get some sleep.”
I wince at the thought of getting into the bed I shared with Melody, knowing what I now do.
My dad must see it on my face. “Or maybe the guest room would be a better place? Just somewhere quiet and comfortable.”
I give my dad an appreciative nod and take Teddy from where he’s falling asleep in my father’s arms, then walk purposefully through the house to the stairs. I don’t make eye contact with anyone, not wanting to hear any more stories about how amazing Melody was.
I know who Melody was.
She was the woman I thought I would spend the rest of my life with. Things were far from perfect, but when they were good? It almost made up for the rest.
