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As tempting as it is to stare out the window and mentally escape this conversation, that’s not possible. My gaze carefully combs over her. With the blonde extensions, cosmetic surgery, injections, designer clothes and handbags, she’s almost unrecognizable from the woman who gave birth to me.
Once upon a time, we were close.
We were like two survivors clinging to one another during a storm, just hoping to make it through intact. Now that we have, her personality has done a one eighty. She’s become one of the customers she’d come home after a long shift at the restaurant and complain about.
It’s not like I haven’t changed.
Of course I have. It’s only natural. But I don’t feel I’m owed this life. I’m grateful to Crawford for everything he’s provided. I’m also well aware that in the not-so-distant future, I’ll need to stand on my own two feet and take care of myself.
My mother has no intention of doing that.
Ever.
“You’re wrong. I’m appreciative of everything you’ve done. All the sacrifices you’ve made throughout the years. I remember the long nights and the double shifts you took just to make ends meet.”
She sniffs. “Well, you certainly don’t act like it. It’s no secret that Crawford’s friends and staff think I’m trash. I don’t need to hear it from you as well.”
My shoulders wilt as I force my feet into movement and settle on the navy chair. “I’m sorry. I never meant to come across that way. I just…” My voice trails off as I try to figure out a way to express myself without rousing her anger. “You know how much I care about Crawford. He’s been so good to us. I would never want him or Ford to think that I’m using them for their money.”
“You do realize that they have a ton of it, right? More than they could possibly need?”
“It doesn’t matter,” I snap in frustration.
She presses her lips into a thin line.
When she doesn’t say anything more, I force out the rest, knowing I need to get it off my chest once and for all. It might not change anything, but I’ll feel better for it.
“I love you, Mom. I really do. But I don’t want to see you hurt Crawford. If you’re not going to stick around and be the partner he needs, then you should end it now. Don’t put him through the wringer again.”
Her brows pinch together. “The last thing I need is a lecture from you, Carina.”
“That’s not what this is. I just want you to think about how your decisions affect him.”
Instead of responding, she rises to her feet in one smooth motion. “The food is getting cold.”
With that, she stalks from the family room, leaving me alone with only the tangle of my thoughts for company.
Chapter Thirty-Six
Ford
My father’s ugly words churn through my head as we drive back to campus. It hurts that he would think the only reason I’m interested in Carina is because he made her off limits. My feelings have absolutely nothing to do with that.
Much like this car ride, dinner had been a quiet, uncomfortable affair. Carina mostly shoved food around her plate and Pamela sulked, barely murmuring a sound. My father sat at the head of the table and stewed. All that could be heard was the scrape of utensils against fine bone china.
In hindsight, I should have listened to Carina when she asked if we could skip out on dinner. It would have saved us a shit ton of grief.
When we arrived earlier, it had been twilight and just starting to sprinkle. As we make our way back to the apartment building, rain pours down on us. It’s like the heavens have opened up. Instead of the soft strains of music to lighten the atmosphere, a stifling silence fills the space. It intensifies with every mile until it feels as if it could snap in two.
I flick a glance in Carina’s direction. Her shoulders are hunched, and she’s angled away as she stares out the passenger side window. Not more than two words have passed through her lips since we got the hell out of Dodge. I have no idea what’s going through her brain.
Normally, all I have to do is look at her and I know what she’s thinking. There’d been a brief flash of relief across her features when I’d told them that we couldn’t stick around for dessert. That’s the only emotion I’ve been able to pull from her.
It’s so damn tempting to reach out and touch her, but I have no idea if it would be welcome. We’ve come so far in the past couple of weeks. And now it’s all been wiped away. Kind of like we’re playing a game of Chutes and Ladders and we’re right back to square one without any warning.
It fucking sucks.
When I can’t stand another moment, I blurt, “Are we going to talk about this or are you going to keep ignoring me?”
