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“Are you crazy?” He took a step toward her. “Can’t you see how much you mean to me?”
That gave her pause, and Morgan thought he sensed her anger subside. Her voice went softer as she said, “The college needs an answer really soon, but I have no right to corner you and force a commitment. We have only known each other a few months.”
“So what? I feel closer to you than people I’ve known for years. It doesn’t take that long to fall in love with someone.”
Her doe eyes went wide and she looked up at him. “Are you saying you’re in love with me?”
“Yes, Blake, I am in love with you,” he said, almost shocked at how easy it was to say.
“You have never come anywhere near to telling me that.”
“You know I’m not the best at saying things. I guess I figured you already knew. That’s why I was shocked and hurt and angry when I found out you were planning to leave all along. You are the one who thought we were only fuck buddies, not me.”
Blake suddenly burst into tears that came streaming down her cheeks. “I’m in love with you too, Morgan. That’s why I’m afraid if I stay you will eventually get sick of me and I’ll have to see you move on to someone else. I can’t stay if we can’t make it last.”
He stepped closer and wrapped her in his arms. “I thought you knew me better than that. I’m not some lightweight flibbertigibbet guy. I know what my values are and who I am and what I want.”
“You’re right. I know that’s who you are,” she said, her cheek against his chest.
“So the question is, do you know who you are? And what you want?” He pulled back and looked her in the eye. “Do you want me as much as you want this job at Harvard?”
Her fingers brushed his cheek. “Yes, Morgan. I can easily say yes to that. But there is also a Blake Sheehan that got lost and smothered under all I’ve been doing here, and if I don’t give her some space to breathe, a part of me will die. So if I don’t take that job at Harvard, I will have to find a part-time teaching position nearby. And get back to the articles I had begun to write. That would mean I can’t be a full-time nanny and housemother. I would need help in order to accomplish all the things I do now.”
Morgan nodded. “You have been doing way more than I originally hired you for, and I didn’t say anything to you because I thought you liked it.”
“I do, but I have a tendency to lose myself in something and then turn around and wonder how I got there.” She let out a small laugh. “I once got locked in a university library because I was so engrossed in my work at a table in a back corner that I didn’t even realize everyone had left and everything had shut down until it was too late.”
His fingers tucked a strand of her hair behind her ear. “That is one of the beautiful things about you. That you give your all to everything you do.” He put his arm around her and led her to the sofa to sit next to him, their thighs touching, his arm still around her shoulders.
“There is something else, Morgan.” She bit her bottom lip.
“What?” he asked, frowning.
“I can’t have children. And you are still young enough to have more children.”
He shook his head. “First of all, if we only have Ciara, that’s fine with me.”
Blake smiled. “I’m sure she wouldn’t mind it that way.”
Morgan laughed. “Yeah, she does like to be the center of attention. But my second point is that you told me the doctor said it was a psychological rather than a medical reason. Maybe something inside you knew your horrible ex would make a lousy father.”
“Or maybe that is wishful thinking,” she said. “I already experienced what it is like to be a disappointment as a wife, so I would never want you to be—”
“Stop right there, lady. Listen to me and listen good.” His fingers lifted her chin until her eyes met his. “I want you for you, Blake. Not to produce children for me. Not to take care of the child I have. Not to do any kind of work for me. I just want you. I want a chance to love you and spend my life with you.”
Blake’s tears came pouring out again and Morgan tucked her into his arms. He kissed her forehead, then her cheek, then her lips.
When they pulled back, she said, “I’m so sorry. I thought the job issue discussion could wait until we had time and could be alone.”
“But you told Marni.”
Blake sighed, then leaned forward, took a tissue from the box on the coffee table, and blew her nose. “The email with the job offer came in on a day when Marni and I went Christmas shopping together. She saw me looking upset and asked what was wrong, so I asked her for advice. And, yeah, she told me I should talk to you, and I actually made a plan to do that and even tried a couple times, but I couldn’t make myself get the words out. I’m sorry if I hurt you with my cowardice.” She looked up at him as she touched his arm. “Forgive me?”
“Sure, if you forgive me for making everything about me and my daughter and not allowing you enough space for yourself or giving a thought to the life you had before you were a part of ours. But I have to confess, I pulled my own cowardly move around that.”
“You? That’s hard to believe.” She tilted her head. “Unless you mean being afraid to say you love me?”
“That too, yeah.” He glanced across the room at the twinkling lights of the Christmas tree in front of the bay window, then said, “When I was in your sitting room I noticed the way you set up the small bookcase with so many books and the shelves that had some odd things that looked like miniature replicas. I could sense they might be important or meaningful to you and wanted to ask about them. But that scholarly stuff intimidates the hell out of me. I got through high school by the skin of my teeth, and never went to college. I didn’t want you to know what an ignoramus I am.”
