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“The odds of that happening must be extraordinarily minuscule. Maybe it was a false positive?” she suggests with enough confidence in her tone to make me believe her.
“That’s what I told her. So to humor me, she gave me two more, just to check. Each one came back positive. Then she did a blood test. I’m definitely …”
I can’t finish my sentence.
Mad say nothing. She simply clicks on a nearby lamp, gets me some water from the kitchen, fluffs my pillows, and covers me in my favorite throw blanket, like I’m a terminally ill hospital patient. When I have a few sips, I start to feel a little more human. A shell-shocked human, but a human nonetheless.
“Doing okay?” she asks.
I nod. “Thanks.”
“Do you have any nausea? Any weird pains? Any … anything?”
“No …” I trail off. I don’t, but as I look over at her, the realization hits me. I’ll be feeling all that stuff, won’t I? In the next nine months, my body will be going through a massive transformation. I won’t be Stassi anymore. I’ll be someone’s mother. I can’t even take care of myself, how am I going to take care of a baby?
My mother at least had the greatest man on Earth to help her.
I have …
Alec.
Forget what I said. I am feeling nauseated.
Really. I can’t do this.
As I’m having my hundredth mental breakdown of the day, Mad hands me a folded sheet of paper. At first, I think it’s the prescription, which I don’t want to see again, but just as I’m about to order her to put it out of my sight, I realize the paper is lined—like the last note from Alec.
“Where’d you get that?” I ask.
“It was under the door when I came in. I figured it’s for you.”
I unfold it, knowing that whatever words are written on it, he probably wouldn’t be saying them to me if he knew my news.
Roses are red
not to mention they’re thorny
do my poems make you cringe
or do they make you horny?
Yours Cruelly, Alex
I let out a laugh before I realize I’m crying.
I am absolutely the furthest thing from horny right now. Horny is what got me into this trouble in the first place.
“Are these happy tears or sad tears?” Mad asks, handing me a tissue from a nearby box.
“I don’t even know,” I say, laughing and crying even more.
This can’t be happening to me. It just doesn’t feel real. I mean, how can it be possible? It was supposed to be hate sex, sex to get him out of my system for good. Now I’m carrying his baby and tethered to him … for eternity.
This wasn’t supposed to happen.
I mean, I’ve always wanted to be a mom someday—but not now.
And never with Alec as the father.
Jonathan was a little immature, yes. But he was allowed to be—we were only eighteen. He was sweet, constantly told me how much he loved me, and always took care of me. Mason was perfect husband material—smart, successful, doting—until he cheated on me. That was the reason I came back here, to this no-frills, no-attachments life, because whenever I’ve put myself out there, worn my heart on my sleeve, people have left me and taken away parts of my heart in the process.
The ones I love always leave me.
So what does that mean for the people I hate?
It seems so unbelievable, the boy who used to torment me all my life, is now tied to me in this way. My mind cycles back to yet another summer, when Alec’s parents were off on their vacation and they’d left him with us. We’d gone down to Old Orchard Beach to play in the sand and ride the amusements. I was probably seven or eight, and after spending all morning being told to stop following the boys, decided to sit down in the sand and build a castle of my own.
And it was a castle. It had turrets. It had a moat. It had elaborate tunnels. I’d even made a prince and princess out of sand, sitting in thrones. It had everything, and I was so proud of it as it had taken me hours to build. Once it was finished, I’d run to get my mom and dad, and when I came back, what did I see?
Alec, crouched over my castle, the thing in ruins. Smashed to bits.
That cruel boy grew up to be a man and now that man is the father of the baby growing inside of me. I don’t know a fate that could be crueler than that.
“So what are you going to do now?” Mad asks, her lips bunched at the side as she studies me. I know she’s worried. And she’s my best friend. But everything is about to change, and I can’t even wrap my head around it right now.
