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Mia’s brow furrows. “Unlikely. Dad doesn’t forget easily.”
I swallow hard. “Not even for me to visit my mom’s grave?”
She taps her fingers on the steering wheel. “If you had a quick, fleeting visit, you might be alright, but it’s a risk.” Mia glances at me. “I got the flowers you wanted. Lillies, right?”
I glance in the back and nod. “Yeah, thank you.”
Mom’s favorite flowers were lilies, and while we never had the best relationship, I miss her. She’s been there all my life.
Mia turns the radio up, and I lean my head against the window, watching as she drives me down the ridiculously long driveway. And turns left toward the cemetery where Mom was buried.
The car stops before the cemetery gates, and Mia turns off the engine. “Are you ready?”
I draw in a deep breath. “Yeah, it just feels so final leaving her here.”
Mia squeezes my shoulder. “Do you want me to come in or stay here?”
“I’d like to go on my own.”
“Of course. I’ll wait here for you.”
I get out of the car, realizing it’s been almost four months since Mom died, and I’ve not returned since we buried her. A part of me felt too guilty to face her grave because all I’d been doing was lusting after her husband. It felt wrong. Another part of me felt guilty for being relieved that I was finally free from her holding me back, withholding my bank account, and controlling my life.
I take a deep breath and reach Mom’s grave, laying the lilies before her headstone.
“Hi, Mom.” I swallow the lump in my throat. “Sorry that I haven’t visited since you died.” I clench my jaw. “And I won’t be able to visit for a while. I’m running away.”
I shake my head. “Funny thing, I think you’d tell me I was being an idiot for running from Remy since he’s rich and can provide for me.” I exhale a deep breath, slumping to the ground. “But I want more than money in my life. I always have. I want to love and be loved.”
Tears start to fill my eyes, and I can feel the heavy weight of sadness in my chest. “I guess I just hope you understand why I’m leaving.”
I lean forward and kiss her headstone, a knife twisting in my gut. “Goodbye, Mom,” I whisper before standing and walking away from her grave for what might be the last time.
My heart aches as I turn to walk back to the car.
I look back at the grave before getting into the car with Mia. She looks at me with sadness, as if she understands everything. I guess she does, as she’s lost her mom, too.
“Ready?” she asks.
I nod. “Let’s do this.”
She smiles and then reverses the car, turning around to head back toward the highway. Freedom is within my grasp. It feels like a weight has been lifted from my shoulders, knowing that I’ll be in Texas and starting a new chapter today. One where no one controls what I do with my life or where I go.
The mix of grief and hope are odd as while it kills me leaving Remy, I’ve got a future ahead of me. Even so I feel the depression that’s settled over me is going to be tough to kick. For a while it felt like I was made for him and vice versa. I just wish he knew how to love.
In time I’ll learn to overcome it and find someone who wants the same things and who can love me. I deserve that as the bare minimum.
The journey to the airport feels like it takes forever, but Mia parks once we finally get there.
“You don’t have to come in with me.”
She shakes her head. “I’m seeing you off safely. There’s no changing my mind.”
I sigh and grab my suitcase, wheeling it by my side as we enter Chicago O’Hare airport. I find the desk, check my bag, and then turn to Mia. “Thank you so much for doing this. I hope your dad doesn’t kill you.”
She chuckles. “I’m hoping Dad never finds out I helped you.”
I find that difficult to believe, considering Remy has security cameras. He will check the cameras and find her picking me up.
