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I don’t like pain. I never have. I wince, looking at the knife, but I can feel my brother’s eyes on me. This is part of our traditions—there’s no choice. If I’m going to accept the marriage, this is how it has to be.
I sign my name, and then I press the blade to my thumb.You’re going to have to do this again on your wedding night, if you plan to get away with what you’ve done,I tell myself.Consider this a down payment.
I tug the blade across my skin, wincing at the sharp burn, and press my thumb to the paper. I watch it seep into the space next to the damp ink of my name, and thinkit’s done.There’s a certain relief in a decision made and finalized. There’s no backing out now.
When I pull my hand away, and Nikolai hands me the handkerchief, I think that’s the end of it. But Theo finishes his whiskey, setting the glass aside, and looks expectantly at my brother and me.
“Now for my part of it,” he says, and I look at him confusedly.
“There’s more?”
He turns those fern-green eyes on me, and I see a slight contempt in them. “Did you think yours were the only traditions that matter,cailín?My family has our own.”
To my surprise, I feel a prickle of shame at the way he’s looking at me, replaced by a sharp anger that he would even dare look at me that way. “I would have thought you would have told my brother ahead of time about anytraditionsthat you wanted to uphold.”
“He did.” Nikolai’s voice is cool, and I realize then that I’m the only one who’s been left out of the loop. That just makes me even more pissed.
“So what?” I look at Theo evenly. “Are we drinking each other’s blood now, too?”
To my surprise, he smirks at me. It softens the lines of his face and makes him look younger—even more attractive. My heart flutters sideways in my chest again, and I hate him a little for it. “Aye, well, you’re not the first to accuse the Irish of that, lass,” he says, and it’s not until he gets nearly to the end of the sentence that I realize he’s thickening his accent on purpose. He’s mocking me a little—and I think more than that, he realized the effect it had on me, earlier.
I glare at him, refusing to let him see it doanythingto me again.
“But no,” Theo continues. “It’s our custom that the betrothal be blessed by a priest, on the night of the contract signing. So, if you and your brother will be so kind as to bring it, and yourselves to the Holy Name Cathedral, Father O’Halloran will be there waiting for us.”
I don’t know why that surprises me. Of course, he’s Catholic, just as surely as my family and every other Russian I know are Orthodox. He probably pays it just as much mind, until it comes time to followtraditionslike these. Still, I don’t have any great objection to it, and it’s likely to be more pleasant than slicing my thumb open a moment ago was.
Which is how I find myself in the back of a town car with my brother at nearly ten at night, headed to church.
I can still feel Adrik inside of me. I think of him telling me that he wanted Theo to smell him on me, and a thrill of lewd desire washes over me at the same time that I wonder what Adrik would have said if I’d told him I’d be going into a church tonight full of his cum.
I think it would have turned him on just as much. Maybe more.
“You could have warned me,” I tell Nikolai tightly, shaking my head. I feel the heavy sapphires and diamonds of my earrings swing, bumping against my chin.
“Like you warned me you were going to be late?” His voice is cool and flat, and I once again feel a twist of anxiety that maybe he knows more than he’s letting on aboutwhyI was late. “Did you really have a migraine?”
“Are you accusing me of lying to you?” I look at him, but I can’t read anything on his profile, silhouetted in the passing lights of the city. “What else would it be?”
He shrugs, still not looking at me. “Maybe you planned to leave me hanging. Revenge for setting this up in the first place.”
“Nikolai.” I stare at him, wondering if that’s what he really believes, or if he’s trying to bait me into revealing the truth. I hate all of this—my brother and I have always been close, and it feels like this is genuinely driving us apart.
This is your fault, too. If you hadn’t given in to Adrik—
I push the thought away. “Nikolai, I was just sick. I’m sorry. And you’re right—I should have called.”I just couldn’t, because my bodyguard’s fingers were between my legs. I’m so sorry.
“Yes.” The word comes out clipped. “I need you to be more careful, Marika. Theo is not a man to trifle with.”
I realize then that some of his anger is coming from worry. That tonight, Theo might not have been angry, but he’s afraid that in the future, I’ll do something thatwillanger him. That I’ll push Theo and end up hurt in the bargain. Or I’ll be careless, and Theo will catch on to what we’re doing.
It makes me feel even more guilty, once I realize that.
“I know,” I tell him quietly. “I’ll be careful. I promise.”
Nikolai nods. The rest of the drive is silent, until the car pulls up in front of the church, and the driver gets out to open the door for us. “I expect Theo is already inside,” Nikolai says, as he starts up the steps.
Once again, waiting on us.
