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I plant a smile on my face. “Are you trying to initiate some pastoral counseling right now?”
“No.” He licks a spot of sauce at the corner of his lips, drawing my attention to his tongue. A shiver runs over my skin. “I’m asking you as a friend who’s curious.”
Friend. The word is so warm and comforting and dependable coming from his mouth, like the steady rhythm of a clock.
Too bad it’s bullshit.
I drop my fork to knead the knots in the back of my neck. “You of all people should know that my dad is a hard ass. For as long as I have even the slightest financial dependence on him and my mom, I have to tread lightly.” My smile doesn’t reach my eyes. “And it’ll be another two years before I finish graduate school so…”
He smiles warmly. “I know I’m biased here, but I think he’d handle the atheist news better than you think. He wouldn’t cut you off financially.”
I snort. “Youarebiased. In fact, I don’t even really understand how you two are so close. I mean, I love him to death, but your beliefs are so different. He truly believes I’ll go to hell if I don’t change.”
Brandon reaches out and touches my arm, and I hope he doesn’t hear my sharp inhale. “He doesn’t want to believe it. You know that right? He thinks it’s the truth.”
I groan. “Why doesn’t he listen to you on this topic? You obviously know more about the Bible than he does.”
He smiles. “Hector won’t listen to a pastor who he’s seen in his boxers.”
In an instant, the tension leaves my whole body, and a giggle bubbles from my chest. “How did that happen? He won’t go into detail about any of your pre-Christian days.”
Brandon looks down at the table, his eyes growing unfocused. “Your dad was determined to meet me where I was, and I wasn’t a Christian when I started going to First Covenant. I think he sensed that I was in need, and he took any opportunity he got to talk to me about God. He even started showing up at the bars. It annoyed the hell out of me, actually. At first.” A warm smile rises to his lips. “He wouldn’t drink much, so he’d usually drive me home, and that particular time…” He shakes his head. “I was plowed. He helped me into my house, and according to him—because I don’t remember a damn thing—I immediately stripped down to my boxers and passed out face down on my couch. It was like I didn’t even know he was there.”
Warmth fills my belly at the thought of it. My dad has mentioned this story several times, never in detail. But the words “Brandon” and “boxers” was enough.
More than enough.
I’d love to have been the one taking care of him while he was drunk. I’d love to see him acting silly and vulnerable for a change. I’d love to see him in only his boxers…
“Why did you go to First Covenant if you weren’t a Christian?” I ask to change the subject, hoping my cheeks don’t look as flushed as they feel.
He’s quiet for a moment. “I thought it would remind me of my mom. She went to a Pentecostal church, and I had just lost her.”
“You were really close to her,” I say, because he’s mentioned his mom a few times at family gatherings. Never his dad, though.
He nods. “I had a really hard time when she died. She had an aggressive cancer, and I knew it was coming, but you’re never prepared.”
His dark eyes grow vacant for a moment, as if he’s drifting into the past. I want to touch his arm, like he did mine a moment ago, but I’m not sure if it would give him any comfort. He seems to be avoiding any physical closeness with me since I started working at the church.
“I’d probably do the same thing,” I say softly. “Church is so important to my family. If I lost any one of them, it’s probably the first place I’d go to feel close to them.”
His dark eyes meet mine, growing intense. “I never really felt her there, though. It wasn’t the same church I went to as a kid. That’s in Healdsburg, where I grew up. First Covenant just didn’t give me the same feeling.”
I lean forward, placing my elbows on the table. “You think she wouldn’t have liked First Covenant, huh? She never would have gone there. Pastor Dave is a misogynistic prick. Your mom wouldn’t have liked him.”
Because she would have been like Brandon.
He smiles, his eyes crinkling at the corners. “You never hold back, Mariana. You’re fearless.”
A shiver skates over my skin. There’s reverence in his voice. I’m not imagining it.
This might be the first time he’s ever made me feel like an equal instead of a little girl. There was nothing patronizing of the way his beautiful mouth caressed the word “fearless.”
“You’re right, by the way,” he continues. “I don’t think she would have liked First Covenant, but it was meant to be. I found your dad, who became one of the most important people in my life. He’s more than a friend. He’s…” He lowers his gaze to his beer. “I look up to him a lot.”
“He’s kind of like a father figure, huh?”
Brandon smiles ruefully, and it makes my stomach flutter. I like seeing him like this. He’s so sweet when he’s vulnerable.
