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I shook my head. “I think it's time I get that air after all.”
I leaned forward and kissed Lia’s cheek. When I pulled back, this heavy weight came to rest right in the middle of my chest. I turned to my best friend, gave him a curt nod, and walked to the door.
I was almost out when I heard their voices.
“Selena?”Xander hissed.
“What?” Selena snapped back.
I shut the door behind me and walked down the hallway with no real destination. All I knew was that I needed to reset and refresh my mind. Selena’s words repeatedly played in my mind like a broken record.
I picked up the pace until I finally came to the door that led to the terrace. Once I broke through the threshold, I felt the cool air hit my face. I walked over to the terrace ledge and held my head to the night sky.
The moon hung high in the sky without a single star in sight. The busy Chicago streets echoed up here on the fourteenth floor of the building.
How had I allowed it all to go so wrong? I was meant to stay away from her. To give her the space to live her life away from my darkness. But somehow, life had brought us back together again.
I had fought her. I had fought us. And just when I was ready to accept what our future could hold, I destroyed her. I went back on the promise that I had made to her mother.
“You look like shit,” a familiar voice said from the other end of the long terrace. I looked to my left and found my brother smoking something. “Before you go all dad on me, it’s a CBD pen for my anxiety. I’m not an actual smoker.”
“You’re still here?”
He shrugged. “I’m not a complete asshole—contrary to what you think.”
He took one more hit of his pen before he pocketed it in his jeans. He looked up at the sky, his body far more relaxed than mine. His head then turned to me, his eyes meeting mine.
Not a single word was spoken between us, but I understood what he was saying, and he understood me from the looks of it.
Truce.
We were waving the white flags and lowering our weapons.
33
NATHANIEL
A thick silence passed between us. Neither one of us wanted to say anything but needed to say what was weighing on us.
“There was a time I genuinely hated you.” My brother was the first to pierce through the silence. “It was when you decided to leave for the military only a few years after Mom died. You left me and Dad alone to deal with the grief and the pain while you ran away. We had to sit in the pool of despair and wade through the rough waters.”
I listened to the words I had been terrified to hear for years.
“Dad knew he messed up. He said things no father should and beat himself up for years trying to right his wrong. But how could he do that when his son wanted nothing to do with him?”
My father’s words had cut far more than I allowed anyone to see. I was wrecked and still recovering from it all, and his cursing me out and blaming me for the crash was a stab to the heart. The words were a constant reminder in my mind.
I gulped, trying to fight back the sting that was assaulting the back of my eyes.
“He chased after you for years and years, and then he found out he was sick, and he fought in the hopes that maybe you would come back, so he held on—for you. I watched that man get on his knees and pray to a God he had stopped believing in to watch over and protect him while you were on tour. Do you know how hard it was to learn about your life through the social media of your buddies?”
I winced, realizing now just how messed up it had all been.
“When you got hurt, we thought you would come home, but you didn’t. You only came after you had healed. Even then, you only stayed for three days before you left again to come here. You weren’t a part of our family anymore, and I learned not to care anymore. But Dad never stopped. He held out the hope that one day you would change your heart.”
He never gave up on me even though I had given up on him.
“Every time I called, you would be short with me and not want to talk. Whenever I needed you, you weren’t there like you promised. I understand you were dealing with your shit, but I needed you, Nate. When Dad was depressed and popping pills like candy, I was scared out of my mind that I was going to lose him. But then I met Amelia.”
