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Slowly, haltingly, I told Liza the full story. About the school, Brody’s dreams of starting his own company after graduation, and finally, about crossing the line between fake and real the night before.
Her eyes grew wider and more troubled as I spoke. “Grant. Jesus,” she said when I was done. “You need to let the kid go.”
My heart dropped. “What? But why?” Everything inside of me railed against the idea. I didn’t want toeverlet Brody go. Not now that I had him.
“Can’t you see he didn’t have a choice but to say yes?” She shook her head. “You said yourself how much he loves the girls. He wasn’t going to break their hearts by refusing to participate in this.”
A sick lump lodged in my throat. I felt like I was choking on it. “No, neither of us chose that part, I agree. But he has feelings for me, too. Real feelings.” I couldn’t doubt that after what we’d shared. “What happened last night… He chose that. I swear he did.”
“Of course he did.” Liza leaned forward and laid her hand on my knee. “And I’m sure he wouldn’t have stayed all these years if he didn’t love you all very much. But that doesn’t mean you’ll be good together long-term.” She chewed on her lip for a moment, then said quietly, “Look at what happened with you and me. We fell into a situation neither of us chose when I got pregnant with Jacey way too young, and we committed to each other before we really knew what we wanted out of life. It was good at first—I loved you, and I know you loved me, too, in your way. I thought we could both be happy. It took me years to figure out that Iwasn’t—that you weren’t giving me what I needed—and it turned out you weren’t being fulfilled, either. We got ourselves stuck, and we had to destroy everything we’d built in order to unstick ourselves.”
My stomach gave a sickening lurch. Oh, god. Was that what this was? A repeat of what Liza and I had gone through all those years ago? Was I trapping Brody into this life the way Liza had felt trapped? Forcing him into a relationship with a man who couldn’t give him what he needed emotionally?
How many times had I told myself it was a good thing Brody and I weren’t in a relationship because if we were, he would have left long ago?
“Ah, shit. I hate putting that look on your face. Maybe I’m wrong,” Liza said quickly. “Petty jealousy aside, I truly hope I am. But now that I’m here, you should offer him a way out, just in case. Make sure he’s in it for the right reasons and not because of guilt or obligation, okay?”
She was right. If Liza was going to be around, that would take care of the Mountbatten part of things. Then I could offer Brody his freedom from me. If he wanted it.
Hopefully, he’d laugh in my face and tell me he wanted this like I did.
And on the off chance he didn’t? Well, I’d have to figure out a way to get him back or die trying.
Because now that I’d had a taste of him, of what our life could be like together, I wasn’t going to let it go without a hell of a fight.
10
BRODY
“You’re overreacting,” Fen said before shoving a giant spoonful of chocolate ice cream in her mouth.
I hugged the pint of live-saving chocolate to my chest, curled deep into my corner of Fen’s sofa, and took another giant spoonful. “Nope. You didn’t see Liza earlier. She’s gorgeous and sexy and accomplished and great with the girls, and… did I already say gorgeous? Doesn’t matter, because it bears repeating.Gorgeous. Grant even agreed when I asked him about it.”
Fen nodded sagely. “Sure. Grant, thegayhusband you engaged ingaysex with last night, agreed that theex-wife hedivorcedbecause he’sgay, was good-looking. It’s a calamity. I see that now.”
“The girls adore her,” I whispered, tears filling my eyes. “They’re a perfect little family with her there.”
“They’re a perfect little family with youthere, too. And didn’t you tell me he kissed you withintentbefore you left today? That doesn’t exactly say, ‘Sorry, Brody, it’s over,’ does it?”
Fen was missing the point entirely. “You were right, all those weeks ago,” I admitted. “You told me I was deluding myself into thinking the Brightons were mine, and I was gonna end up miserable—”
“That isnotwhat I said. I said you couldn’t keep going doing the unrequited love thing. But you and Dr. Schmexy are married now—”
“Not really,” I said in a small voice.
“Yes, really.” Fen leaned forward and swiped my ice cream away because she was cruel like that. “You consummated it. You licked him, so now he’s yours, and Liza can pound sand.”
I shook my head. “It doesn’t work that way. And maybe it’s for the best. If she’s moving back here, she can fulfill the stupid requirement at school, and I can just…ughhh.”
I clutched my stomach. The idea of leaving Grant and the girls made me feel like I was going to get a revisit from the obscene amount of ice cream I’d consumed, but I could tell by my brief interaction with Liza that she would be unsupportive of my relationship with her ex-husband. And was it even a relationship when it included four years of boss/employee and only one real night of more?
“Enough.” Fen stood up and yanked the spoon out of my grip, then returned it and the ice cream to her kitchen. “Enough ice cream. Enough feeling sorry for yourself.”
“I’m not,” I muttered under my breath. I thought about it for a moment. “Or… okay, maybe I am. I’m just… I’m tired of losing people I love, Fen. It hurts.”
Fen’s face softened. “I know, babydoll.” She nudged my feet aside so she could plop back into her spot on the far side of the couch. “I do know. But this isn’t remotely like what happened with your family. And what you’re doing right now—letting your brain convince you that losing the Grant and the Brightons is inevitable—isn’t helping. You’re not going to lose them unless your own fear and insecurity makes you push them away. You don’t really believe Grant wants his ex-wife, do you? And do youtrulythink she’s trying to get back together with him, knowing that he’s gay and married?”
I huffed. “No. Not actually. But do I think Grant’s smart enough to realize that having a brilliant, beautiful, award-winning photographer doing the parent volunteer hours at Mountbatten might open more doors for the girls than a twenty-four-year-old who’s still working on his degree? Probably. And do I worry he might decide he doesn’t need an in-name-only husband slash full-time childcare specialist hanging around anymore? Maybe, yeah. And do I think Liza’s possessive and protective of all of them and wants to secure her place in the family by pushing me out? No doubt.” I shrugged. “The worst part is, I can’t even fault her. I might feel the same if they were my kids.”
