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“Oh no, sweetheart,” comes a soft voice from over my shoulder. “What are all these tears for?” Landy strolls over quickly, bare feet tapping against the dance floor and her silken robe flowing behind her like a cape.
I sniffle and try to wipe away my tears while she goes to the window and draws the draping curtains closed. I’d completely forgotten about the window and the fact that anyone could have watched my little breakdown with perfect clarity. Lucky me, it’s raining.
Soft hands grasp my shoulders and squeeze, just before Landy plops down next to me. “The rain makes me want to cry, too, my girl, but not like this. You look like someone just sold your dog,” she whispers and I can’t help the small bark of laughter that escapes me.
Lifting my puffy eyes to hers, I wipe at my face again. “I’m sorry if I was being loud, I was getting ready to lea—”
She just waves me off. “Oh, phooey. Tell Landy what has you snotting all over my new wooden floors.”
I snort again because the crinkles by her sparkling eyes are comforting. “Guy problems,” I tell her as my cheeks heat. Saying it out loud sounds so embarrassing.
Leaning back on her hands, she nods. “Ah, figured as much.” She turns to me with a small smirk. “Must be one hell of a guy to make such a strong woman like you crumble while doing the thing she loves most in the world.”
I shake my head. “Three guys, actually.” I’m being uncharacteristically honest with Landy. She just strikes me as the type of lady that doesn’t pass judgment. Most people would hear me say I’m in love with multiple men and call me a slut, but Landy just nods in contemplation.
“So, who did the hurting, hmm? You, or them?”
I don’t even have to pretend to think about it. “Me. All me. I messed things up so badly.” Beyond badly. Irrevocably badly.
“I see.” She clicks her tongue. “Who’d you kill?”
My gaze snaps to her in confusion. “What?”
“I said, who’d you kill?” she asks again. “Because it must be life or death if you’re sitting here in the dark crying to yourself. In my experience, most things can be fixed in some way if you just make the effort. There’s nothing on this Earth that can’t be talked through.”
“You don’t understand.” I sigh deeply, sniffling the rest of my tears. “I didn’t kill anyone...obviously.” I smirk at the knowing look in her eyes. “I hurt someone really badly, and now, I’m paying the price.”
“Well, now, that doesn’t sound so bad,” she says happily and I frown. “Get on up and go talk to this fella orfellas. You kids these days make everything so gosh darn hard on yourselves. You wouldn’t believe how many of this world’s problems could be cleared up if people just talked to each other.” She pats my shoulder softly. “Take it from an old biddy like me.” She gestures to herself. “I never married and I’m as happy as a clam, but things could have been different if I’d tried a little harder.”
I raise an eyebrow. “Were you ever in love, Landy?”
Her eyes become wistful and faraway. “I was. It was the kind of love that I still feel in my bones till this day. But I let anger and jealousy get in the way of it. Sometimes, I’d give anything to go back and shake myself. He’s long gone now—married with a bunch of grandbabies. I’m happy for him, but I can’t lie and say a part of me doesn’t die a little when I imagine what I could have done differently.”
We stay silent for a long stretch of time. My tears have dried up and a strange ball of hope settles in my chest. As sad as it is to hear about Landy’s heartache, it helps a little. It makes me feel like with time...maybe we can make things right, eventually. At least, that's what I’ll let myself believe for now.
“Well...” She grunts before pushing back to her feet. Her bones pop and creak, but she manages to stand upright. “I’d best be getting back to bed. Why don’t you get some rest. Everything looks clearer in the light of the morning sun.”
Reaching out, I grab Landy’s hand softly and she looks down with a smile. “Thank you… What you said really helped, believe it or not. I think I just needed to cry it out for a while.”
She just chuckles. “Oh, my dear girl, I believe it.”
Nora
“I’ll be there, okay?” I groan into the phone as the bell above my head tinkles softly. The smells of used books and incense wash over me and I feel a tightness in my chest release. Kennedy strolls past me to greet a lady at the front counter.
My mom mumbles something to another person on the line and I wait until she acknowledges what I just said. “Justpleasetry and be on time, this means a lot to me,” she pleads. I sigh. I really have no interest in going to this little shindig, but I will if it makes her happy. She and Carson have planned an engagement party dinner at the club and the date has crept up on me faster than I’d expected.
“I said I’ll be there, you don’t have to worry. It's even in my Google calendar.” Kennedy side-eyes me as I walk past. I shrug helplessly. “Mom, I have to go. I’ll see you at dinner. Love you.” Clicking the phone off, I wander further into the bookshop.
A nostalgic feeling washes over me as I drift listlessly past shelf after shelf of used paperback books. My mouth practically waters at the musty smell of so many volumes. I’m a sucker for literature in pretty much any form, but ninety-nine cent paperbacks are my weakness.
Back in the day, River and I would come here every week to buy books or to sit in the stacks and flip through smutty sci-fi romances. He’d tease me when I secretly picked up an erotica which he affectionately calledhornychick-lit.My cheeks would heat when he mimicked the pose of whichever muscle bound man graced the cover, but inwardly I always thought River was much more handsome than Fabio.
We spend hours in the bookshop, Kennedy sipping on her cooling coffee while I stack used books in my little hand-held cart. I have no idea where I'm going to find the room to store them all, but book shopping is comfort fuel, and I need all the comfort I can get.
Kennedy steps out to run to the cafe. Apparently, one of her coworkers messed something up on the register that she needs to fix for him, so I just stay and wander around some more. Eventually, I find my way to the back of the store where the lights flicker and dust accumulates on every shelf of clearance books.
I finally see it. There’s a small alcove of darkness between two narrow bookshelves with one long hanging lamp dangling from the low ceiling, perfect for reading. I'm honestly surprised this place is still here. This is the spot where River and I spent hours reading as kids. A secret spot where we could just be two nerds who enjoyed reading about other people’s adventures and love lives.
