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“I feel like a consolation prize.”
“A what? What the hell are you talking about?” I ask Tucker, who’s sitting in the passenger seat beside me as we speed down the highway on the way to Cape May.
“You know, like some lame award they hand you when you don’t get the one you really wanted.”
I shake my head. “I have zero clue what you’re talking about. Use your words, Tuck. Help a guy out.”
“Do I need to spell everything out for you?” he says, shaking his head at me. “Sierra is the prize you wanted, and I’m the one you’re stuck with. Theconsolation prize. Keep up, Gray. I know you’d rather have Sierra riding shotgun right now. Speaking of… this weekend is going to be awkward as hell with you two in full secret relationship mode. I thought you two would have talked to Jake by now. He’s not stupid… he’s going to figure it out.”
I know he’s right. The clock is ticking on how long we can keep this up. Jake has made it crystal clear that no one is to go near Sierra, and he’s going to hate me when he finds out I’ve fallen for her. But he deserves to know the truth.
“For your sake, tell him soon,” Tuck continues. “The longer you wait, the worse it’s going to be for you. And if I were you, I’d do it in front of an audience. He’s less likely to beat you to a pulp in front of witnesses. Maybe.”
I don’t bother to respond because I don’t particularly want to think about the painful fate that awaits me. I’m saved from any more of Tuck’s advice when my phone rings, my mom’s name appearing on the display. I hit accept to answer the call.
“Hi Mom,” I say as I shoulder check before moving into the far-left lane. “You’ve got Tucker on the phone too. You’re on speaker.”
“Hey Mama Ford. How ya doing?” Tuck says with a smile on his face. Out of all my friends, Tuck probably knows my family drama the best thanks to late night drinks on my porch. Thankfully he’s never judged me for it.
“I’m good, honey. You two excited to get away for the weekend?”
“We sure are if we ever get there. Gray has already stopped for a burger at In N Out and an espresso at Starbucks. The guy is high maintenance.”
My mom laughs. “Oh, I’m aware. But I approve of the espresso if it keeps him awake and gets you to Cape May safely.”
“Mom, I’m not driving across the country. It’s like a two-hour drive. We’ll be fine. What’s up, did you need something or are you just calling to say hi?”
“I was just thinking about you,” she says, but something in her voice makes me wonder if that’s truly the only reason for her call.
“Is everything okay, Mom?”
I immediately wonder if something is going on with my dad. That’s what it’s like when your father is an addict. I’m always waiting for my mom’s frantic call that he’s passed out somewhere or has been missing for days. I hate it, but these are the cards we’ve been dealt, and I would never let my mom deal with him on her own.
“Everything is fine, Grayson. I promise. I only wanted to say hi and tell you to enjoy your trip. Your dad said to say hi to you too.”
When I’m silent for a moment, my mom adds gently, “He loves you, Grayson. I hope you know that. Now you boys have fun and drive safe. I’ll see you when you get back.”
“I’ll see you when I get home, Mom. Thanks for checking in. Love you.”
“Love you, Gray.”
I adjust my Ray Bans and roll my head from side to side, trying to ease the tension that has suddenly settled into my shoulders. I know Tuck must feel the shift in my mood.
For years, my mom has put up with my dad’s crap. His mood swings, his anger, the depression, and the pills. He’s unpredictable, untrustworthy, unreliable. Unlike me, she’s never given up on him. I wonder how she does it.
My sister, who is four years younger than me, was sheltered from a lot of the bullshit. My mom did her best to hide the lows from her by keeping her busy at dance classes or waiting until she went to bed to fall apart. But I heard the crying behind her closed bedroom door, I saw the blank expression on her face when she was wracked with worry.
I end the call, grateful to have at least one parent who has always been there for me.
By the time Tuck and I make it to the cabin, it’s after dinner and we’re ready for a few drinks. I’m hoping some liquid courage will also help to ease the awkwardness I will no doubt feel around Jake. “The fun can start. I’m here, y’all,” I announce loudly as we enter the house.
I see Sierra as soon as I step into the kitchen. She’s standing at the counter with a margarita in her hand and a big smile on her face that’s directed right at me. My eyes locks on her and I have to physically restrain myself from running over to her and kissing the holy fuck out of her.
Instead, I settle for a quick hug in front of our friends. It feels fake and all wrong, but for the next two days this is how it has to be. I will just have to pretend that the woman I’m falling head over heels for isn’t actually mine and do everything I can to keep my hands off of her.
I open the fridge and grab a cold beer, twisting the cap off, taking a long sip. This is going to be torture.
* * *
