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“You toyed with my bond, and you used me. How else am I supposed to feel?” I snap at him. He arches an eyebrow at me and wanders over to the cell to join me.
“I didn't use you. You’re our keeper. That is what you're born for. Not my fault you got carried away,” he growls, leaning on the steel bars. Wow! My eyebrows feel like they just escaped into my hairline at his words. So everything is just some game to him? I am just something he can hold on a pedestal or knock the legs out from under whenever he pleases?
My bond pangs in my chest, and I can’t help myself as it reaches out for his. But all I get is nothing, just indifference. I can't even tell if he is just resisting his bond or if he genuinely feels nothing for me.
“Look, I didn't mean to upset you. You have the others. You don't need to mark me. I don't want you to mark me, Aleera. That is why I shoved you away. Not because I didn't want you. I just can't have you mark me,” Darius states.
Was this fucker mentally retarded? Did he not just hear what he said? “You know what you said is the same thing, right?” I scoff, shaking my head.
“You don't get that sort of control over me. The others may let you, but I need to keep a straight head. And I can't do that if I let you mark me,” he responds.
“A straight head?” I ask.
“I have this place to run. I can't be at your beck and call any time you bat your eyelashes at me! I have to keep you safe from what's out there! I can't do that if the urges of the bond blind me!” he snaps.
“But it was okay for you to mark me?” I ask, shaking my head.
“Yes, you won't retain power without us marking you,” Darius comments.
“What about me marking you? What? Am I supposed to be a keeper whenever you feel like using me?” I question.
“You are a keeper. You still have access to my magic, and I have access to yours. That is all that is needed.”
“I just won't have access to your bond!” I spit at him.
“I am not some toy for you to manipulate!” Darius sneers at me.
“And I am not your fucking toy either! So fuck off, Darius! You don't want me? Fine! Not like I haven't lived without you before anyway,” I tell him, anger flaring up inside of me.
“Excuse me?” he says, pushing off the steel door. He takes a step toward me before grabbing my face. “ If you even think of leaving, I will drag you back kicking and screaming and make you wish you never crossed me. You hurt them again, Aleera. You will regret it!” Darius snarls, his fingers digging painfully into my cheeks. The look on his face tells me he seriously would hurt me if I tried to think of leaving.
I glare back at him, then grip his wrist and let my magic flow. He hisses, ripping his hand away from me before grabbing my throat and slamming me back down on the bed. His anger is suffocating as he pins me, yet his hand is only a warning on my throat. He isn't hurting me, just showing me he can and how easy it would be for him if he wanted to.
ChapterEighteen
“Just remember, I gave you power, Aleera. I can always take it away. I allow you to be with us! So take it or leave it. Our mates will listen if I tell them too. You may have the bond, but I have years of being their keeper. They are sired to me which is stronger than your incomplete bond. You are not the only keeper here. Just remember that!” Darius growls before letting me go. He then storms out of the basement. I glare at him as he stomps off up the steps.
I should have known better. The media always portrays him to be a monster. And once again, he shows me the rumors were right. Yet, the stupid bond craves him. I push aside the intense feelings to apologize and beg at his feet for acceptance. Instead, I let my anger over him fester.
The longer I sit there, the more I hate them and myself. Well, no, not all of them. Not Kalen. I don't think it is possible to ever hate Kalen. He is as much a victim in all this as I am. We all are victims in a way, but my mates aren't the only ones that sacrificed everything.
I tossed my entire life away to run from the very man who seemed hell-bent on destroying me. When my grandmother died and I was thrown into that school, I went on autopilot. I hid what I was from the world for so long that even I forgot who I am and what I am capable of.
Everything that has happened, losing my parents, then my grandmother, caused my entire life to turn upside down. It slowly broke the pieces that I used to love about having magic. Only then did I suddenly believe I could live without magic, slip into the human world and be happy. And at first, I was happy to go, glad to give my magic up because it was the safest thing to do and I thought I would be free of them, free of what they did.
Mom said to hide what I was so that no one could know. And I did just that, yet her words were more than words. They became my life. And now I don’t want to restrain myself any longer. I have been shackled for years. I don't fit in here with them. I don’t fit anywhere. How can I when I am the only one of my kind? Never able to reveal what I am and who I used to think I would one day be before I lost everything?
I used to love magic. I loved being a Harmony-Fae. Until I was suddenly forced to hide it from everyone without realizing my parents were already hiding me from the world. Dad used to say that at home I could be whatever I wanted, and I loved that. But to the rest of the world, I had to be Dark-Fae and Dark-Fae only. It was the same with my grandmother. Home was a place of safety, where I was free until she was gone and I no longer had a home at all.
I no longer had a choice. My safe place was again gone, and I lost what that felt like. What having a home felt like.
After I marked Kalen, I finally got a sense of home again, only for Darius to rip it away this morning all over again. I thought we were past everything, and I was finally free to be who I actually am. It could have been a turning point, but now I wonder if it was just a ruse and Darius' shock at what I was that made him give in briefly to the bond. He made me feel like I am just some tool he can use to become stronger with the way he used me for my magic, only to toss me away like I was garbage afterward.
Darius using me for his own desires angers me, especially when he rejects mine. I am not sure I can go back to hiding what I am. I am sick of hiding, sick of being repressed! My mates know what I am now. And if they think I will just wait around for them to decide if they want me, they are mistaken. I am fed up with being shackled and chained by fear and by the judgment of what others might think.
I spent all my energy running from them and giving them control. By running from them, I ran from myself and put myself in this situation. I thought that running from them was me taking control of a problem I didn't want to be in. I was so wrong.
My mates hold all the power. Darius showed me this the first chance he got this morning. However, I know that despite Darius hating me, he would protect me and keep me safe if I stayed because it benefits him to do so.
