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Prickles darted down my spine. Ever since I’d woken with a splitting headache last month and my right eye went blind for the day, I’d feared I’d had another stroke. We never went to the doctor because I was already on everything they could pump into me, but it solidified my plan: I refused to be at the mercy of pain again.
I’d endured enough.
I’d accepted my limitations.
I’d embraced the changes in my body and learned to love myself despite them.
But...I would not live through more.
Not now.
Not when the next one might steal who I was. Take my mind. My life. My love.
Ice rolled down my spine as a blizzard replaced my bones.
That was the worst thing imaginable.
To forget Nerida.
To forget all the moments we’d shared and all the triumphs we’d accomplished.
I might be a dead man walking, but I planned on walking beside her, cane, blade, and all until I said stop, not my heart.
I didn’t speak for the longest time, glancing out to sea where our yacht, manned with four staff, five luxury cabins, and a helipad, waited for us to climb aboard. We’d named it Stardust after the brightest spritz of the milky way that’d become a firm friend while living out to sea. With no light pollution and our nightly ritual of swimming around our sphere, we’d often floated on our backs and contemplated the meaning of all of this.
We were just a speck.
The tiniest piece of dust among the stars.
Which was why...I was okay with my choice.
Why such decisions of taking charge of my destiny might be frowned upon by society, but it wasn’t a decision I took lightly.
Neri’s gaze drifted to Stardust too. The windows twinkled, her lines beautiful and railings polished. The sleek speedboat waiting to take us to her bobbed on the seashore. The yacht was fully stocked for months at sea. We’d always said we’d go around the world on a voyage, but that had never happened.
Lunamare took up too much time, and I was still active in charities for the underprivileged.
Despite our years, we hadn’t slowed down, and a part of me regretted that. Regretted the chance to travel with Neri with no destination or itinerary. Just us and the sea, following the moon wherever it took us.
Wrapping her arms around me, she pressed her ear above my heart and murmured, “I’ll make you another vow, Aslan. The one I made has kept you alive this far. You know when you die, I die. It’s made you fight to remember how to walk again. It’s forced you to speak again. It’s kept you strong and healthy, and I don’t care if it’s unfair of me to put that burden on you when I know what you struggle with.
“I know you’re afraid of losing yourself like you did when Cem broke you. I know you’re afraid of becoming someone you don’t know and fearing you might never find your way back to me. You’re more afraid of losing me that way, of forgetting me while you still live, than you are at losing me through a grave. And I get it. More than you probably know because I know you. And so...”
Pulling away, she cupped my cheek and rose on her tiptoes to kiss me.
Unhurried.
Unexpectant.
Our lips touched, and our tongues grazed, and by the time we stopped kissing, the sun had breached the horizon and blinded the world in newness.
“My second promise is...I will do it.”
My eyebrows flew into my salt-and-pepper hair. “Do what exactly?”
“If the day comes that you don’t remember me. If your heart makes you weak or your mind turns you simple. If there is no chance of bringing you back, I will set you free.”
I reared back. “I-I could never ask you to do that.”
