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“That’s your choice, but it won’t be from me taking liberties I have no intention of repeating.” Jaded barbs attempt to replace the next conviction. Old habits are hard to break and all that. “I won’t interfere anymore. Date whoever you want. Accept candy bars from desperate customers. Share your smiles and laughter freely. I won’t steal more moments from you.”
Harper pinches her brows into a deep furrow. “Why does it feel like you’re breaking up with me again?”
“Maybe we never got the closure we needed.”
“Is that what this is?”
I pause to admire her beauty that never fails to tie my tongue into knots. “Can’t fault a guy for trying to make amends.”
“By telling me we can only be connected through Syd.” It looks like she’s trying to fit the misshaped pieces together.
Good luck to her. I’ve been at it for years with no success. Responsibility weighs heavy on my shoulders.
“That’s the only way it can be for us. I won’t sacrifice Sydney’s happiness.” Just the small amount of my own that’s not tied to her. It’s not the most balanced method for my identity beyond fatherhood, but I find it necessary. Raw honesty burns in my chest. “I’m constantly afraid I’m fucking this parenting gig up. You know how it started.”
“Don’t remind me.” Her face puckers, as if her coffee is suddenly sour. “You don’t plan to date, like ever?”
“We wouldn’t be just dating, so no. You’d consume me in a sense I can’t afford.”
Her mouth works soundlessly. “Um, okay. That’s… intense.”
My gaze dives into hers, drowning in the depths I’ll never truly feel. Love is hilarious like that. “You have no idea.”
“I really don’t.” She rests a palm on her forehead. “This is very off-brand for you. It’s making my mind whirl. I would expect you to ignore my existence rather than admit I mean something to you.”
I shrug, my focus trailing to the window casting a glow behind her. “Ending this rift is long overdue.”
“If I didn’t know better, I’d guess you’re trying to establish a truce or something.”
A noncommittal grunt is my immediate response. “It’s obvious I can’t avoid you. The alternative is to continue behaving like a surly bastard, which hasn’t worked out too well.”
“I could do without the hateful spite,” she confirms.
“There’s always going to be more between us, but we can’t act on it.”
Harper snorts. “There you go making assumptions again. Who’s to say I feel anything but repressed animosity toward you?”
A raspy chuckle shakes my relaxed pose. “Trying to downplay you coming undone on my tongue? Your pussy doesn’t lie.”
That telling flush reappears, betraying her feigned indifference. “I thought we moved past the crude comments?”
“You forced me to prove the point.”
She hangs her head with a groan. “Fine. Well done. I like you enough to let you eat me out. But it’s over now.”
“It was all that I wanted, now I’m living without.” I recite the “Must Have Been Love” lyrics like a lovesick fool.
“Quit being cute,” she giggles. Then her amusement sobers. “You’re wrong, Jake.”
“For you? I’m well aware.”
“No, I don’t need to hate you. I’m not sure that’s even possible. It’s just not inside of me to feel that way for you. That doesn’t mean I always like you, though.”
The smirk I shoot her lacks the usual cocksure slant. “That’ll have to be enough then.”
Harper cocks her head to the side, sending golden waves to spill over her shoulder. “If you say so.”
The pink bundle swaddled in my arms coos peacefully in slumber. Pursed lips pout at me while I stare in awe. Even the slight flicker from her closed eyelids mesmerizes me. Emotions clog my throat until my vision get misty. This precious blessing is already loved beyond words.
