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She nodded, knowing he was right.
Exhausted from lack of sleep, she downed another cup of coffee as his family once more crowded around his bedside. Poor Shannon was practically falling asleep half sprawled on Andrea's lap, so they decided to head home, promising to return later.
Alec closed his eyes for a moment, as if he too, was just as exhausted. After all, he’d been shot, had surgery and spent the night in the ICU. It was tempting to sneak out, to talk to him another time, but knew she owed Alec the truth. He deserved that much, although she knew he tried to talk her out of her decision.
“You were right,” he said, his voice hoarse from the breathing tube. At her puzzled expression, he added, “About my career and Shannon. I thought we'd straightened everything out, but after this.” He grimaced and shifted on the bed. “I can only imagine how scared she must have been.”
“She was, along with your family. I know you value your work as a cop,” she said softly. “But Shannon needs you. And after losing her mother, she is going to be more clingy when it comes to you.”
“I know.” He flashed a lop-sided grin. “I'm taking your advice about moving to something less dangerous. I've decided to sit for the sergeant’s exam,” he admitted. “It's still considered a frontline position, but there is a lot more desk work and administrative work, too. And from there it’s possible I can climb the ranks. I'm not smart like you, Jillian. I've avoided taking the exam for years because I didn't want to be humiliated if I failed it.”
It was on the tip of her tongue to offer to help him, but she stopped herself. She wouldn’t be there after ending their relationship. “You're smarter than you give yourself credit for,” she gently chided. “I have no doubt you'll pass the test just fine.”
He nodded and she suspected his motivation to protect his daughter would help him overcome his fear of failure. “During my years in the army I saw too much death and destruction. Most of the soldiers were young kids. I guess I've used that as an excuse to stay a street cop, focusing my energy on saving kids. Maybe I was trying to make up for all of those needless deaths I witnessed.”
It was horrible to think about what he’d lived through. No wonder he'd given up his army career to move into law enforcement. And that also explained why he jumped forward wrestling Eric for the gun.
“And what about you, Jillian?”
She frowned. “What do you mean?”
“You’ve been avoiding me. Us. Me and Shannon. I’d like to know why?”
She swallowed hard, there was no point in lying. “I have bad news.” Meeting his gaze was difficult. “Dr. Juran informed me there was a mix up with the results. Turns out my evoked potential tests are positive. I have been diagnosed with multiple sclerosis.”
His eyes darkened. “I'm so sorry, Jillian. I'm sure that was a shock for you.” He held out a hand, urging her to come over to stand by his bed. Against her better judgment, she took it. “What treatment options did he offer? I'll be there for you Jillian. Whatever they are, we'll face them together.”
Face them together.The words almost made her cry. She tried to remain strong. “Alec, you don't understand. My symptoms are mild now, but they're going to get worse. Much worse.” He scowled, but she pressed on anxious to give him the full picture. “By the time my mother died, she couldn't walk. She needed help eating and getting to the bathroom. Don't you see? I can’t to be a burden to you. It's better for you and Shannon if we just go our separate ways.”
“Jillian, I love you.” His fingers tightened around hers. “Do you think having multiple sclerosis changes how I feel about you?”
Tears blurred her vision and she tried to pull out of his grasp. “Please, don't.”
“Don’t what?” His tone was harsh. “Love you? It's too late for that.”
He loved her? He actually loved her?
“Don’t give me that garbage about your illness. Because I know that if I'd have lost my leg, you wouldn't have walked away.”
“That’s different,” she protested. “You can be independent with one leg. We're talking about multiple sclerosis, a very physically debilitating illness.”
“It's an excuse.” His eyes glinted with a rare anger. “You're not debilitated now, Jillian. And as a doctor you know there are new medical breakthroughs every day. What if they find a cure for MS five years from now? Ten years? What if I come down with some rare form of cancer? Or something else? Anything can happen. Are you really going to throw our love away because you're afraid?”
Stunned she stared at him. Because he was right. She had been using her diagnosis as an excuse to leave. And hadn’t she already convinced herself she had years before she needed to worry? She swallowed hard. “I couldn't bear it if you looked at me with pity. And Shannon—she's already lost someone once...”
“Jillian, sit down.” His voice was soft as he tugged her down beside him on the bed. “You can't live your life playing the what-if game. I believe God has a plan for us. It may not be the path we want to take, but it’s not up to us to question Him. All that matters is that I love you. And I want to marry you.”
“Oh, Alec,” she whispered. “I love you, too.”
“Thank heavens,” he murmured. “You have no idea how much I needed to hear you say that.”
She let out a strangled laugh at his blunt honesty. “I love you Alec,” she repeated louder this time. “I love you, I love Shannon, and I love your family. I really don't want to be a burden to you, but you’re right about my fears. I was allowing them to hold me back.”
“And that's not fair to either of us, is it?” He managed a smile and pressed a kiss to her fingers. “We'll fight this together, Jillian. I've learned the hard way how important family is. We can face anything, together.”
Together. With Alec’s love and the whole Monroe family behind them, she didn't see how they could possibly fail. “We might want to ask Shannon how she feels about this.”
“Shannon loves you. And Shannon wants me to be happy. Marrying you, Jillian, will make me the happiest guy in the world.”
