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“And I on you with Emery. That situation was different.” Wanting to be done with the conversation, I change the subject. “I’ll speak to Ray about taking you back as his PA post maternity leave. Your job at XR Securities remains.”
38
Theloudwailbringsa breath of relief to everyone in the room – including myself. Instead of falling back, Savannah leans forward to get a first look.
“Congratulations, Mr Rivers! You have a healthy baby girl.”
My eyes widen as the doctor holds her up. The small body is covered in a white substance. But the loud cries are anythingbutsmall. Her tiny features remain scrunched as she tests the strength of her lungs.
“Would you like to do the honours?” Dr. Roe asks as she hands me medical scissors.
I make the snip before they hand her to me. She’s tiny. She’s real. She’s human.She’s here. Her eyes are screwed shut as she continues to cry.
“Hi,” I whisper. “It’s so nice to finally meet you.”
“Let me see her,” Savannah cries.
I carefully place the baby on her chest and watch her fall in love in real-time.
“Hi, baby. It’s me.” She strokes her cheek the way a mother does. Her tears don’t stop falling as she stares at the life she brought into the world. “I’m so glad you got here safely. I’m happy to have my organs back to myself. I hope I gave you everything you needed inside me. I hope you’re okay.”
She leans forward and nestles the top of her nose against her cheek. “I’m so sorry about your mum. If she were here… she would have cried more than anyone in this room. She would have taken you in her arms and protected you. She waited her whole life for you.” Her head falls back as she cries loudly. “She never even got to meet you. I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry, baby. I’m so sorry, Emery. Forgive me, please. Forgive me. I’m sorry. I kept my promise and brought your little girl, but you’re not here. I’m sorry.”
Savannah’s cries break my heart. She carries the guilt that I should but don’t. She still blames herself.
I gesture for the midwife to take the baby as Savannah’s cries get erratic. I force her to look at me, but my words are useless. She repeats her mantra of apologies and forgiveness.
Dr. Roe steps forward. “Savannah, we need you to keep going a little bit longer. You need to push the placenta out. Can you do that? Are you ready?”
My body freezes as I watch her lose her mind. This is worse than when Emery died. The guilt riddles her mind and body. She falls against her pillows. Her screams and cries merge.
I try to hold her hand, but she shakes me off and scratches at me. “Savannah. You need to calm down. Breathe.”
“Let me go!” she screams. “She’s dead! She’s… she’s…” She begins to hyperventilate. Her hands pull at her hair as she completely breaks down.
My legs force me backwards as I watch Savannah lose her mind. No matter how much I want to, I can’t get myself to snap out of my horror.
It takes twenty minutes to coax her down and to get her to push. In the end, she’s too exhausted to look or speak to me.
At least, that’s what I convince myself.
“She’s hungry,” the nurse says as she enters the room with the baby.
Savannah sits up, and reaches for her before I can. “Do you have a bottle?”
“Has your milk come in? We can try breastfeeding if you’re feeling up to it.”
Savannah looks at me with apprehension. “I’m not the mother. Technically, I gave birth, but I’m the surrogate.”
I take a seat at the foot of the bed. “Your milk is good for the baby. I have no objection if you want to try.”
“I’m not replacing Emery,” she snaps.
Not wanting her to have another breakdown, I tread lightly. “Emery wouldn’t have breastfed either way. She would have wanted whatever was best for the baby.”
The baby lets out a cry, forcing Savannah to look down at her. “Okay,” she resigns. “Can you help me with my gown?”
“Would you like Mr Rivers to leave?”
