Page 38 of Connor

"Yes, Sir," I said and was surprised to hear myself slurring my words, like I'd had too much to drink. The flogger fell on my shoulders again and again, and gradually Alex worked his way down my back. The discomfort was there, but it was mild, and it couldn't touch me. Or it could, but I still wanted more of it, because if I could endure it, Jared might praise me and caress me with his voice again. His voice was so hypnotic. I existed for the rise and fall of it even though I barely understood the actual words he was saying.

"Open your mouth," Master Alex said to me and I turned a dazed face toward him. My mouth? I knew the word, of course, but I was confused. What did he mean? He tapped my cheek—not quite a slap—and spoke softly in my ear.

"Pay attention. I want you to open your mouth. You've done nothing wrong, but I'd like to use a gag on you. This is a clean, brand-new ball gag. Now open your mouth for me." I slowly opened, and he slipped the gag inside my mouth, looping it over my head. He rubbed the back of his hand against my cheek. "Okay?" I nodded. I could taste the ball in my mouth, and it wasn't horrible exactly, just not something I wanted to try again. It stretched my jaw.

"You're doing fine." He patted my back. Suddenly something occurred to me. I couldn't say my safe words with this gag in my mouth. I looked around frantically for help, and Jared stepped up beside me quickly, pressing a handkerchief in my hand. "Drop this if you need to safe word. Don't worry, pet. I'm right here, and I'm watching you. I'm not leaving you."

He caressed the back of my head and to my horror, I leaned my cheek against his hand and rubbed my face against it like a cat. I glanced up at him and I was surprised to see him staring solemnly back down at me, not laughing at me at all. His eyes were fierce as he looked back at me. "Settle down, now," he said in a voice meant just for me. "You're doing well.”

Why did his praise mean so much to me? I basked in it. I closed my eyes and began to drift again.

Master Alex drew the tails of the flogger over my back and my ass. I heard the sound of it swooshing through the air as he continued to strike. But though he'd started out slowly and gently, the strikes began getting harder as he reached my ass. He struck me over and over, and I'm sure he was competent. He was doing a figure eight, and I could hear the slaps against my skin, but the former, comforting daze was gone, and I was beginning to feel these strikes. And they hurt.

It occurred to me that I hated pain. I always had. I had to practically force myself to go to the dentist because I was such a wimp. I felt myself breaking into a cold sweat. My muscles tightened in my back as I braced myself for the pain I knew was coming with each strike, and I could feel my cock grow limper, my enthusiasm visibly and obviously flagging. Jesus, it hurt. Why on earth had I thought I could do this? I squirmed and tried to endure it for a few more strokes, but I was about to cry or throw up or something, and I knew I had to stop this.

I dropped the handkerchief, and a little whimper escaped my throat. Everything stopped, just like they promised it would, but I was so ashamed and embarrassed. I should have been able to do this for Master Alex and for Jared. Why couldn't I? Why was I always such a loser?

Jared came over quickly and took out the gag. "Do you need a minute, or do you want to stop?" he asked, and I shook my head in confusion.

"I-I don't know. It hurts more than I thought it would." I was embarrassed when my voice broke in an unmanly sob. God, I was such a wimp—a coward. I just want to go somewhere and hide. But at the same time, I wanted Jared's approval so much. He caressed my back and leaned in.

"Is it too much for you to go on?" His warm breath gusted over my face, and I nodded. He began to unbuckle me from the restraints.

I heard Alex and Cruz near me too, both asking questions and Alex’s voice sounding concerned.

"No, please don't worry," I said. "I-I’m fine. I was just a little scared."

I heard someone groan and then Jared's breath was gusting in my ear. He'd taken me out of the cuffs by then. "I told you that you don't have anything to prove."

"It's not your fault," Master Alex said. "It's mine. I shouldn't have tried to gag you. I think it freaked you out."

"No—I had no business letting any of this happen," I heard Jared say. “I have to take him out of here now, Alex. Cruz, Michael, follow me. I'll take him to the aftercare area."

"No," I said, louder than I meant to. "Jared, let me do this. I-I want to do it for you."

He came up next to me again and pulled me in his arms, his breath gusting in my ear. "Connor, no. I’m stopping this. You don't have to do this, honey. This is not for you. I don’t want you hurt."

"Then don't. Don't hurt me. Just make me feel good again. I've felt bad for so long. Please, Jared. Do this for me. I’m begging you."

I heard myself talking, but I hardly knew what I was saying. What I was admitting to him. He went very still and sighed again. His hand brushed my cheek. He turned his head and spoke to Master Alex again. "Let me take care of him."

Jared got me to my feet again, speaking softly to me and holding me tightly around the waist when he saw I was unsteady on my feet. I was way past even understanding the words. I was only responding to the sound of his voice. He turned me toward the cross again, but this time, he didn't cuff me. "Just hold on for me for a moment, okay?"

I turned toward the cross but looked back over my shoulder at him, trying to focus. I needed to tell him. "I'm still a little scared. But I really want to try…please, Daddy, let me try."

He dropped the flogger and took me into his arms. I was so shocked I didn't know what to do. He kissed me, and not just my lips, but my throat, my cheeks, even my eyelids. Each kiss was tender and perfect. He was the Dom, but he was worshipping me with those kisses, and I didn't know how to respond to him. I didn’t even know until much later what I’d called him. I had given it no conscious thought, but it had slipped out before I could call it back. And now he was kissing me like he’d never stop.

It didn't take long for me to be hard as nails and gasping for breath. He turned me back to the cross then and covered me from behind with his warm body, He was touching me all over, his body plastered to mine, and he was caressing my skin and loving me with his hands. When I felt the kiss of the deer hide tails drag slowly over the skin of my shoulders, I hardly noticed.

He did it again and again, still pressing against me, but gradually pulling away a little and dragging the tails over my skin. He kissed the nape of my neck, because he knew how much I loved it. I’d told him on that night we spent together. Then he stepped fully away, and I felt the tails of all the soft deerskin falling against my back. It didn't hurt--I was far too gone for that. There was only a slow, steady rhythm and the heavy, but caressing thud of the leather on my skin. It felt good now. He was barely striking with it; instead, the slow heat gathered under my skin. It felt like he was making love to me. I began to groan softly, and I realized a hush had fallen over the room. I turned my head and sighed. "Daddy," I said. "Daddy, I need you so much."

I heard the flogger drop to the floor behind me, and then he was taking me in his arms again, kissing me over and over. He pushed me back against the cross, slipped his hand inside the thong and took my hard, aching cock in his hand. He stroked me, saying soft love words in my ear as I came in his hand only a few seconds later. It was embarrassingly soon, so I turned my face into his neck to hide my hot face. I may have told him a little desperately that I loved him. Over and over again.

He picked me up and carried me in his arms off the platform, stopping long enough to turn toward Cruz. "Can you collect his things, please?" I heard him say.

I was only vaguely aware of being carried, people quietly making way for us. My head felt heavy and muddled. I felt like I was drunk. There was a big easy chair in the safe area, and he sat down in the chair with me on his lap, my head against his chest. I could feel the leather of his pants underneath my ass. He held a bottle of water to my lips and made me drink.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry," I kept saying.

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