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“But that’s understandable given—”
“I’m not talking about that,” he said, stroking her fingers along his face. “I’m talking about what happened to me during that session.” He suddenly sat up and faced her, his look intense as he stared at her. “Don’t hide it.”
“Hide what?”
“Your disgust and loathe over it.”
Tears flooded her eyes. “But it’s not you I loathe, it’s the evil that hurt you, brought you to this.”
He took her face in his hands, studying her eyes. “I know that,” he whispered. “And…I don’t want you to hide it from me. I need to see it.” He pulled her lips to his, sliding them together. “You think it’s sick what I did in there? Enduring hell-fire while getting my cock sucked by a demon?”
She closed her eyes tight.
“You want to hear something sicker?” he whispered on her lips. “I never experienced anything like it. And I never loved anything more. And telling you that, feeling your disgust right on my mouth...”
She jerked back with a gasp, and he stared at her.
“You hate it as much as I love it,” he said. “And I realize…how very new that is.” He lowered her hands into her lap and leaned back on his chair, staring up into the trees. “New like the level of pain I unlocked.”
“What do you mean?” she whispered, sick.
“It’s like…the fire unlocked it. The very essence of that monster I ran from, he’s now running free in my blood and mind.” He regarded her like he wanted her to see it. “I’m not even alarmed. Because of you, because of what’s on your face right now. Your love is… it’s somehow more powerful and now I don’t have to fear it.”
She gasped a few times, wiping her face. “But that’s…that’s good, right?”
He returned to looking above. “But it’s changed.”
“What’s…changed?”
“Its craving. It doesn’t want to hide me from one pain with another, it wants me to experience a new one.” He angled his head toward her. “It craves the love in your pain. It's...a phenomenon. It wants to see it, taste it.” He looked at her for many seconds. “And test it.”
They stared at one another for many seconds.
“This is what you got in a husband. I can’t imagine having things any other way and I know how sick that is.” He sat up and turned to her, the look on his face tormented. “Part of me knows I should tell you to leave. Stay far away from me. But I won’t ever say that. I want to bleed because it hurts you and then I get to watch you perform that miracle, it’s…” He considered it, his head shaking. “It’s somehow my salvation.”
Oh God. Her poor Ethan. “You want my love through my pain,” she whispered.
“Sicker than you ever dreamed possible, right?”
“Incoming message from AL.”
They both froze at the sound of Tera, and he shot up from the chair and made his way inside.
“Tera, repeat your last message.”
“Incoming message from AL.”
His breath left him. “Where?”
“An email.”
“Oh God,” Cat whispered, hurrying after him down the hall to his office.
“It’s an audio,” he whispered, sitting at the desk, his eyes on the screen.
Her heart pounded as he moved the mouse pointer to it.
She eyed him when he didn’t click it.
