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“The house I showed you,” he says. “My offer was approved just a little bit ago.”
I nod, not really knowing what else to do.
“And I want you to know that me moving out was happening anyway. It has nothing to do with what happened at my party or us at all. Moving out was always the plan and it just so happens to be now,” he says.
“Okay,” I manage.
Derek blows out a sigh from his perfect lips. It’s not an upset sigh, but more like a sad one. Somber maybe. “Willette,” he says. “Did you know I’ve never been in love?”
“You’ve had a lot of girlfriends over the years. I just assumed one of them made it into your heart,” I say.
“I had fun with them,” he says. “I made connections, I think. I would even say I cared for some of them deeply, but love? I don’t think so.”
“All right,” I say. I don’t know why he’s telling me this or what the appropriate response is.
“And I say that to hopefully help you understand that this has nothing to do with you specifically. There’s nothing wrong with you. You’re amazing,” he says. “I just don’t know if I’m even capable of love.”
“Derek,” I interrupt. “I think you’ve got this wrong. Or at least you’ve got my expectations wrong. I didn’t tell you the truth at the party with the thought that you’d reciprocate. In fact, that’s the exact reason I never wanted you to know.”
“I think now I just feel an immense amount of pressure to fall in love with you. Knowing what I know now, it’s as if I feel like you’re just waiting or hoping.”
“Waiting, no. But hoping, sure,” I say. “I think that’s normal.”
He runs his hand through his hair again, standing and pacing before turning to me again. “I suppose that’s normal, you’re right. But, I wouldn’t really know. And then, what if I never fall in love with you? What if I care for you but never fall in love?”
“I don’t know,” I say.
“It was always perfectly fine with me when I ended it with some random woman,” he says. “But you’re different. I don’t want to hurt you like that, even if it is unintentional. Knowing you’re so hopeful for something is just so much pressure.”
“Okay,” I say. “So?”
“So, it’s too damn much. To sit and look at you and know you’ve got all that inside of you and I can’t return the same level of it, and what’s worse, not knowing if I ever will.” He sighs loudly, filling the room with his presence.
“Then just do it,” I say. I can feel the red-hot anger starting to bubble inside me. “Just do it already.”
“Do what?” he asks.
“Break this off. Whatever the fuck this was for you, just end it,” I say, my voice growing louder.
“Don’t be like that,” he says.
I scoff. “Like what?”
“Angry,” he says.
“Well, I can be angry or I can be sad, and if I have to choose between those, I’ll go with angry,” I snap. “Just end it. End it and be done. Oh, and for the record, let’s not forget you’re the one who started this. You’re the one who initiated this. And for what? Just a little fun? Did you go into this thinking you’d have some fun and then drop me like all the others?”
“That’s not what it—”
“I think you should go,” I tell him.
“I think we should talk about this,” he says.
“There’s nothing else to talk about. You don’t want this. It’s over,” I say. “Now just please, Derek. Go.”
I don’t take my eyes from him as his shoulders drop in defeat. I’m not sure why he’d feel that way. He’s off the hook.No big deal.
“Okay,” he says. He steps lightly toward the door, placing his hand on the knob. I hold my breath as he turns, giving me one last look. “For what it’s worth, Willette, you’re exquisite.”
