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I learned quickly that the party scene isn’t really my thing. Maybe if I trusted the guys who seem to flock around us, it would be different. I don’t.
“You’d freeze your tits off.” I wink at her and smile as she starts to giggle.
She grabs her breasts and gives them a shake. “That would be a shame.” I laugh along with her, but I feel how forced it is. She glances around and then ducks her head and whispers, “Don’t look now.”
“Come on,” I whine, “you know that only makes me want to look around.” I give her a pointed look as she gives me a sheepish smile. I hiss, “What am I not looking at?”
“Miles is looking at you,” Isla gushes and it takes a concerted effort not to roll my eyes.
Ah, yes, Miles. I would almost think he’s a stalker, except he’s completely harmless. He just has a crush. I have a feeling it has a lot to do with the fact that he’s from some random state in the middle of the country and I’m a novelty. You’d think the California girls would catch his eye, considering where we are and all, but nope.
With my whole ‘turning over a new leaf’ outlook on life, which didn’t last nearly as long as I hoped it would, I tried to like Miles. He has an All-American ‘awe shucks’ thing going on which is so totally different from the man I’m running from. There’s nothing dangerous about Miles. He is exactly what he seems to be—a good guy with good values and manners.
But it didn’t take long to realize something important about him too. He’s boring.
I’m sure he’ll make a woman out there incredibly happy one day. I wish him the best and all, but that woman is not going to be me.
Apparently, I’m set to pine for a man who will never look at me as more than the little sister of his best friend and boss. I hate pining. I hate it and how it makes me feel pathetic and worthless.
Which is why I’m here and hating being here even more than I hated being there.
Fuck.
Life is really sucking right now and the thought of running home and admitting I made a mistake is making me cranky.
Declan will probably be overjoyed because he hates that I’m on the other side of the country. He’s probably been beside himself with not being able to track everything I’ve been up to since his reach only goes so far. I’m sure there are people here he knows, he might even trust them…when it comes to business. Trusting them with my safety is a whole other matter.
I’m still not sure how I got him to agree to let me spread my wings and fly so far away. I was waiting for some type of bribery or guilt, but it never came, just sad eyes and him telling me he understood my choices. Except, he didn’t. Not really.
“Saoirse,” Miles says my name with a little twang in it, nothing like the smooth way Conor always says it, as if my name is a precious gem. Fuck. Right, stop thinking about the man for more than five minutes. Starting now. I focus on Miles and force a friendly smile on my face, the one I’ve perfected while I wallow inside because of my life choices. “I was hoping we could talk for a few minutes?” He glances at Isla before giving me a grin which shows off his dimples. “If it’s not too much trouble.”
So polite.
“Of course,” my words are breezy even as I force them past my lips.
Isla stands and shakes her empty cup. “I’m going to grab another drink.” She points an accusing finger in my direction with a look of hope in her eyes, as if something magical is going to happen between Miles and me. It won’t. “Don’t run off without me, we have to spend our last night together before break, in our room.”
“As if I could forget you.” The smile I give her is about as close to genuine as I’ve got since I forgot how to truly smile the moment that I left Boston and Conor.
“I know,” Isla’s words are wrapped in giggles with a hair flip over her shoulder for good measure before she disappears into the crowd.
Miles steps closer, almost too close, and I force myself not to flinch or go rigid. He’s a nice guy. I’m not afraid of him, but I’m also not looking to hurt anyone’s feelings tonight.
“I know this is probably bad timing,” Miles rubs the back of his neck, “but I was hoping that after the break we could get together and hang out.”
I try not to react, but the question slips out before I can stop it, “Hang out?”
“Yeah, you know,” he makes a motion between us with one of his hands, “you and me. Maybe we could watch a movie or something? Or sit and talk.”
I narrow my eyes at him because if he’s asking me out on a date, he really needs to up his game. Hang out? Like with his pals? Sit and talk? I want to groan, but I keep it inside. For now. I have a feeling when I flop down on my bed tonight that I’ll be letting out a groan to end all groans.
When I don’t say anything fast enough, he starts babbling, “I don’t think I’ve hidden the fact that I think you’re beautiful and I’m interested in you.” He gives me hopeful eyes which would probably remind me of a puppy if I ever had one growing up. “I shouldn’t have waited this long, but you always seem so busy, and there hasn’t been an opportunity for me to ask.”
Because I’ve been avoiding being alone with him for this exact reason.
I let out a heavy sigh, one he can interpret however he wants. “I think you’re a nice guy, Miles. Really. I’m just,” I glance away and bite my lip, unwilling to say out loud that I don’t think I can ever give a guy the attention he deserves. Unless the guy is Conor and the chances of that happening are not in my favor.
“Ah,” he holds the sound out like he’s just figured out a secret of the universe. “I get it.”
