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“While his swimming is a roadblock, it isn’t a dead end. Once he’s done with the qualifiers, things should ease up, right?”
“That’s just the thing. From what I’ve come to understand, it will only get more and more intense as the time ticks down to the year before the games.” I played with the edge of the blanket. That was information I hadn’t learned from Noah and instead from a swim-fan website.
What it really all boiled down to wasn’t that we hadn’t spoken as often, as I knew his time was tight. It was more about the feeling of irrelevance. Even if you’re super busy, you can still check in with a “thinking of you” or a “miss you” text.Radio silence communicated volumes to me. It was important that both partners in a relationship put time and energy into the other.
“While it was never going to be ideal, I believed I could do it because we were communicating. Now, I just don’t know.”
“You need to have a talk with him this weekend when you see him at his qualifying event. He has to know he can’t freeze you out.”
Jerking my chin at the screen, I said, “Put the movie back on. I desperately need a distraction.”
Bella nodded. But instead of putting on the movie we were watching, she changed over to one of our favorite comedies. Before too long, I was truly laughing for the first time in days. And for a little while, I felt better.
Chapter Twenty-Three: Noah
It was official—I was an epic bastard.
While I’d shaved two seconds off my time, I’d slowly frozen the woman I loved out of my life. Every day I would type out a text telling her I was sorry and explaining why I was being an enormous asshole, but then I would erase it. All I did was swim, workout in the gym, and phone in performances at work.
I hated myself.
My parents flew in on Friday afternoon before the competition on Saturday, and as they usually did, they took me to a late dinner after my evening practice. With the world closing in on me, the last thing I wanted was to have to smile and joke my way through dinner. But I couldn’t bring myself to disappoint and potentially hurt my parents. I didn’t want to fuck over every important relationship in my life.
Dad chose a sports bar close to my apartment. While he and Mom caught me up about their work and what was going on in the family, I merely nodded and pushed my food around. When Dad kicked back and got engrossed in the Lakers game, I rose out of my chair. “I’m going to go get some fresh air.”
“Sure, son,” Dad replied, not taking his eyes off the screen. Although he was clueless about my emotional conflict, I could feel Mom’s curious gaze on my back as I exited the restaurant.
Standing on the deck, I stared out at the water in the pond surrounding the bar. I don’t know how long I’d been outside when I heard Mom’s voice behind me. “Noah?”
I glanced at her over my shoulder. “Yeah?”
“You’ve been gone a long time.”
“I’m sorry. It’s just so loud in there.”
Her green eyes stared intently at me. “You were awfully quiet at dinner.”
With a shrug, I replied, “I have a lot on my mind.”
Mom’s gaze didn’t waver. “You didn’t eat much either.”
With a sigh, I demanded, “Just say what you came out here to say, okay?”
“I’m worried about you.”
“What else is new?”
Mom placed her hand on my shoulder, and I pinched my eyes shut. “Please tell me what’s wrong, Noah. It breaks my heart to see you this way.”
Although I could’ve bullshitted her by claiming I was just nervous about the qualifiers, I didn’t want to keep this bottled up inside me anymore. Mom was the only one I could talk to about the way I felt. With his background in swimming, Dad couldn’t possibly understand how I was feeling about competing.
“Everything,” I choked out.
“Talk to me.”
I ran my hand over my face. “I’m fucking everything up, Mom.”
Although I knew she wasn’t a fan of my cursing, she didn’t chastise me. Instead, her brows furrowed with concern. “How is that possible?”
