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“It’s such a mess. After I got back together with Gaby, my time went to hell. To get my time back, I’ve been pushing her away by only focusing on swimming.” I shook my head. “What kind of bastard am I to sacrifice our relationship just so I’ll have a better swim time?”
“You’re not a bastard, Noah.”
Shaking my head, I argued, “Yeah, I am. I’m hurting the woman I love more than anything in the world.”
“Why are you pushing Gaby away?”
I winced. “Because when I went to Mexico to get her back, I swore I would always put her first in my life. That was her condition of us being together. If I tell her, she’ll think I’ve betrayed her.”
“The only way you’re betraying her is by not being honest. You can’t have a relationship that isn’t built on trust and honesty.”
“I know that. I just don’t know how to make it right.”
Mom gave me a pointed look. “Sometimes I can’t believe how much you’re like your father.”
“What do you mean?”
“He froze me out once, and it almost cost him our relationship.”
“Is that when he had to work hard to win you back, and you dated Uncle Pesh?”
Mom’s hand flew to her mouth. “How do you know about me and Pesh?”
“Dad told me when I talked to him about wanting to pursue Gaby.”
“I’m going to kill him,” Mom huffed.
I laughed. “It’s okay. He explained everything, and I get it.”
“The only reason I remotely entertained the idea of Pesh was because your father couldn’t be honest with me. He couldn’t communicate his love or his fear. It caused both of us to go through hell before he could finally say what he needed to.” Mom placed her hand on my cheek. “I’m so thankful that you can acknowledge your love for Gaby both to yourself and others. But at the same time, I don’t want to see that fracture happen to you and Gaby. It was one of the worst periods of my life, and I’d hate for either of you to experience that.”
“I don’t want it to either.”I doubt she’ll give me another chance if I screw this up. As I leaned into the soft touch of her hand, I swallowed hard. “Can I tell you something, and you promise not to tell Dad?”
“Of course.”
“I don’t think I want to compete anymore.”
Mom’s eyes popped wide at my admission. It felt good to finally admit to someone other than myself. And after it had been eating away at me for the past few weeks, it was freeing to finally be honest with myself.
“Being in love has changed your focus,” Mom stated. I wasn’t surprised how well she understood me. She’d always known me better than I did myself.
I nodded. “If it weren’t for swimming, I could be back home with Gaby. We could really build a life together.” One where I managed to work with something related to swimming. That way I wouldn’t have to totally abandon the passion that had once meant so much to me. It would have to be a job where our lives more naturally—more consistently—intersected. Gaby was ultimately my future, and I didn’t want to wait to start that anymore.
“Then I think you have your answer.”
“You won’t be disappointed if I give up swimming?”
“Of course not. I only want you to be happy.” With a coy smile, she added, “I’m so thankful you fell in love with a girl in Atlanta. I’ve wanted you back home for so long.”
I laughed. “I’m glad it worked out for you.”
“More than anything, I wanted you to find happiness and love. I don’t like seeing you make some of the same mistakes your father did.”
With a wince, I replied, “Speaking of Dad, how do you think he’ll take it if I give swimming up?”
“It’s not about him, Noah. It’s about you.”
“But you know how much my swimming means to Dad.”
