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“Get over here.” Wolf’s gruff voice sounded rough, but the feeling behind it was friendly, if a little exasperated. A moment later, River and Ryder shifted and Nick settled down with us, too. He tentatively leaned against Cary and put his hand on my leg. I sighed and closed my eyes as I basked in the feeling of them all touching me in some way. These men, together, felt like home. Nick was an integral part of that. I’d seen enough with both Lexie and Maia not to question why. River and Ryder were a minefield of emotions right now, but we had too much history for them to ignore my grief.
We stayed that way for a long time. Maybe hours. The guys just sitting with me in my grief. I think I may have even napped a little as the guys talked quietly about dirt bikes and random guy stuff. Feeling each other out and getting to know each other. The shadows lengthened around us and I knew night was drawing near as the air turned colder.
“I need to go help Emma get something sorted for dinner, and make sure Angel is still with her,” I finally said. Only I felt torn. I didn’t really want to move. I wanted to stay right here, surrounded by these men. It felt selfish though, when the world was in turmoil, to only think of myself. Even for a little while.
“Emma’s fine, and Angel is too, or someone would have let us know. The delivery of fresh food came from Lexie earlier. Emma’s got dinner covered. Miles and Owen are with her. They’re falling over themselves to help her,” Nick said.
I shot him a warning look, and Nick chuckled. “Don’t worry. Miles and Owen are good guys, and Sam trusts them. Besides, River already threatened the alphas this morning, and warned them not to touch the omegas.”
Ryder leaned over and gave River a fist bump.
Wolf increased his purr, and my body relaxed back into his. I briefly wondered if I should be concerned about how comfortable I was with Wolf right now, but I decided I didn’t care. River and Ryder wouldn’t be so chill if there was anything to worry about. Besides, I felt nothing but care and protection coming from him, surrounding me in a cocoon.
I’d shouldered my fate by myself for so long, it felt decadent to have so many people surrounding me now. Comforting me. I knew it was going to take time to process this grief. But for now, I was going to embrace this feeling of being held.
Eventually, Wolf’s purr softened and quietened down. I could still feel its faint vibration, but my head cleared a little of the fluffy cloud that had settled around it.
The birds chirping overhead, as they settled into the branches above us for the night, made me smile sadly. My mother had loved birds and always missed them in the city. She always fed them whenever she came to the farm. Ryder reached out and lightly caressed the bluebirds on my bracelet with a shaky hand.
“You still wear it. I didn’t think they’d let you keep it.” The Palace didn’t allow us to bring any personal possessions, even the clothes we came in got taken away. It was a barbaric way to treat young kids who had just left their families. It stripped everything from them. But I guess that was the whole point. The Palace wanted us submissive and completely dependent on them.
“Nobody was taking it from me and I refused to leave it behind.” I looked directly at him for the first time. He’d always worn his heart on his sleeve. Pain and fear were colliding as they flashed in his eyes. River was right. His anger was a flimsy mask. “I hid it when I arrived and didn’t wear it until after they’d given me a new wardrobe, so it appeared new.” I’d hidden it in my hair, twisted into the base of my bun, so they wouldn’t take it away with my clothes.
“Why is it so special?” Cary asked gently. He’d seen me wearing it over the years and knew when I gave it to Maia before we sent her running towards my uncle’s farm that it meant something. I was glad now that she’d never made it. He wouldn’t have been there.
“River and Ryder gave it to me.” It was more complicated than that, but also that simple.
It was a charm bracelet with enamel bluebirds hanging from it that were in various stages of flight. It was unique. The boys had it custom made for me. They’d saved up their pocket money and did extra chores to buy it for my birthday. I loved it. My wrist felt bare without it.
“Why bluebirds?” Nick asked, looking at Ryder with his head tilted. He was savvy, that one. I sensed he and Cary were tag teaming us, trying to get the twins and me to talk. They’d both disappeared on me this afternoon.Had that been deliberate?
“Ava was always rescuing animals when we were kids. But one time, she rescued a baby bluebird.” Ryder’s gaze remained fixated on the bracelet as he talked, and he swallowed hard. “She fed it and cared for it until it could fly on its own, but it never went far. It used to live in the tree outside her window and eventually had babies of its own. It would fly down to her windowsill in the morning whenever she was at the farm, and sing to her.”
I smiled at the memory. The little bluebird singing at my window had always made me feel like a cartoon princess. The twins and I had so much history wrapped up in our childhoods.
River suddenly leaned back and pushed to his feet. “Ryder, help me grab some wood.”
Ryder’s face brightened before he jumped up eagerly, an echo of the boy I knew appearing like a ghost. “Great idea.”
He turned to Nick and Cary, who looked puzzled. “Could you guys grab some blankets and pillows from our rooms? The thicker, the better. We’re having a fire and a camp-out.”
Nick just nodded at River, as they shared a loaded look. Which was perplexing. I was used to River doing that with Ryder.
“Is that safe? Won’t it attract attention?” Cary asked as he glanced at the surrounding woods. Damon and the guys at the farm were so militant about not having lights at night. But they had a big farm, with a lot of resources and people to protect.
“Using electricity at night is a risk. But anyone can start a fire. Besides, the most dangerous predators are here already. Nobody will bother us tonight.” River sounded cocky, but he was just being honest. He always told it straight.
Wolf sniffed the air. “Nobody but us around,” he confirmed. Nobody commented on his animalistic behavior. The guys just seemed to accept him and let him be.
Nick grinned. “I’m in.” He seemed excited, and didn’t even wait for Cary to follow, just ran back through the trees.
Cary shot me a questioning look. He’d only ever known the demure version of me. Out here, though, with River and Ryder at my side, I couldn’t seem to find her. So I squeezed his hand to reassure him and gave him a small smile. Marveling that I could, now. He matched it before he jumped up and took off after Nick.
River, Ryder and I used to have bonfires and sleep under the stars all the time as kids. Those nights were some of my happiest memories. My spirits lifted at the thought of having one now. It was exactly what I needed to help reclaim a part of myself I’d suppressed for so long.
My mother had been a determined woman, letting nothing keep her down. She faced life head on, but had done it with grace and dignity. Wanting to make her proud was what had kept me going whenever I’d despaired over the years. I knew in my heart she wouldn’t want me to lose myself in grief for her now.
“Do you need help?” I asked, feeling weirdly shy suddenly. The two men carrying logs back to the clearing felt so familiar, yet so different, from the boys I knew.
