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“She is a fighter, but the seizures are getting more frequent. If you want more information, you should speak with her doctor.”
“Thank you.”
“I’ll give you some privacy,” the nurse says with a smile and leaves me alone with my boyfriend’s wife.
Talk about awkward…
I bring a palm to my face and rub it with frustration. Jesus, how did I get here?
I sit at the edge of her bed as my shoulders sink in defeat.
“Hi, Jennifer. You probably have no idea who I am, and quite frankly, I don’t know much about you either. I also don’t knowwhy I’m here or why I’m talking to you.” I closed my eyes and carried on. “I won’t stay long…I just wanted to say sorry—”
The rest of my sentence gets cut off. “Why are you apologizing to her?” My body stiffens at the sound of that voice. With my back to the entrance, I can’t see who it is, but I don’t need eyes to feel his presence, and I will recognize that voice anywhere. Any-freaking-where.
Is he mad at me for being here? Pissed? Irritated? I am too scared to look.
“Why are you apologizing to her?” Landon repeats again, this time with a commanding voice letting me know I better answer him.
Without turning to face him, I respond, “Because I fell in love with her husband.” I allow myself a second of hesitation. “And because I want him to pick me.”
I remain seated without as much as a twitch. I am a stone. An anticipating one.
But Landon is mute, and I can only take it as he made his choice and it’s not in my favor.
Get out of here, Lexi!This is madness.
Just when I am about to get up he speaks up. “I haven’t been in the same room as her in five years,” Landon tells me and this time I am the one speechless. “Please stay with me while I do this,” he pleads with me.
I close my eyes, suppressing the tears and pain that are ripping through my heart. How much more can it take before it completely shatters? Can I sit here while he has some sort of reunion with his wife?
Yes, for him, I can. “Okay,” I say, and he lets out a loaded breath that he seems to have been holding for a while.
I still don’t dare to look at him, but I can be hereforhim.
“Hi Jenn, long time no see…the doctor said your seizures are getting more frequent, and we might not have much time left.”Landon grows quiet, making me wonder what really happened between them.
“I am letting it go….” I can’t see his face, but I don’t need to in order to feel how incredibly difficult it was for him to say. “Bye, Jennifer.” With the last word, I hear the door click open and shut.
I exhale a breath that has been stuck in my lungs this whole time. This is all too much… After a few more moments I rush out of the room, down the stairs, and to the street without looking back.
Love is so unfair, punishing, cruel, and dangerous. It sneaks up on you in the dead of night, sprouts its roots into your heart, and squeezes it tighter each day. It keeps squeezing until you are crippled with that feeling and totally at its mercy.
Too fucking bad I caught on to its plan way too late.
I am not just crippled. I am paralyzed…
You paralyzed me, Landon Locke.
The night passes without a second of rest. I couldn’t bring myself to shut my eyes even for a moment. I came home hours later after wandering mindlessly through New York with swollen, bloodshot eyes, and Kate was sick with worry when I refused to tell her where I’d been and what got me so wrecked.
Again.
This morning I decided that enough is enough, and I will get myself out of this bed, shower, eat, and maybe even spend some time with our friends. I need to get back to normal even if my normal doesn’t exist anymore, but a small knock on my door ruined my plans.
“Lexi?” Kate calls from the other side of the door.
I swing the door open. “Yeah?”
