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“She won’t be mad atme.When I go back and speak to Father, this won’t be pretty. It’s going to strain things, and I might find myself out on my ass. I’ve just committed high treason morethan once, and I won’t be surprised if he pops a blood vessel when he learns I handed Zora over to the enemy he happily sold. David promised him all of that money along with a cut of Nova-” She waved a hand. “Gone. Aurelius now has an army that’s twice as large thanks to Zora.”
“He’s not going to kill you, is he?”
“No, and if he tried, half of Wockston would revolt. After Mother got through with him, he wouldn’t even be recognizable. I’m bringing Mother into this because if I tell her what happened, and my reasoning, she’ll agree I did the right thing by betraying Father.” She rubbed her forehead. “It’s going to break them up because…this isn’t the man we thought we knew. Father’s always been the sort to plan ahead, and that’s why he kept a large army while not starting wars on his own. He’s kept the Kingdom safe and prosperous. He’s always encouraged us in our lessons and to explore what we like as Mother did.”
She glanced at Aurelius. He’d known for years what it was like to have a parent who doesn’t do what’s expected. Except Darlim had been there as a proper Father for ages, and the things he’d agreed to must have been like a slap in her face.
“I shouldn’t have agreed to do as he wanted in the first place,” continued Este. “I wanted to be loyal, but I can’t be like that. I can’t keep this a secret from Mother, and I think that once she knows, she won’t speak to him. Not for a while anyway. Calytrix and Bella won’t either.”
“I’m sorry,” said Jari. “Parents aren’t always what they should be.”
“I didn’t mean to break up your family,” said Aurelius.
“You didn’t break up my family,” said Este. “He did it himself when he decided to work for David and saw you as someone to use. I should have refused right away.”
“He would have sent someone else,” said Jari. “He wasn’t about to give up that easily after Aurelius came right to his doorstep.”
Doing the right thing had cost her people. Aurelius doing the right thing was going to cost him and Jari too.
***
The days were monotonous. The group rode all day and camped outside. Aurelius caught Este giving him leery looks once in a while like he was about to do something. His quiet demeanor must not have been comforting or assuring, and after what she’d seen in David’s Castle, she was right to be leery of him.
She still hung around them a lot. If she was safe and comfortable with them, that meant there was nothing wrong with him or Jari, and it kept the army placid in case any were wondering. Most of them didn’t talk to Jari or Aurelius. They probably thought the Prince had been traumatized in the Castle, and while they weren’t exactly wrong, it wasn’t because of whatever they imagined.
The only comfort Aurelius had was his guard. He wanted so much more with him and was afraid to say three words out loud.
If he’d stayed this long maybe he’d meant it when he said he loved Aurelius. How he could stand Aurelius at this point was a mystery. Aurelius didn’t touch him anymore even in the dark when they slept despite wanting to.
The shock of everything at King David’s had worn off. He was sure of it. The end that he’d known was coming drew nearer every day as they traveled across Nova. It was better if he didn’t touch Jari anymore because the end would be more painful. All nice things were lost.
He didn’t even want the salt baths on the third night out. It was too much effort to have water heated, and it was going to getsuspicious as to why he needed so much salt from the supplies, or why they had to send someone to get more. A basic wash was all he wanted so he could go back to their tent, curl up on his bed roll, ignore the urge, and pretend he didn’t need anything ever again.
He was sure reality sucked so much more when he had a break. He never wanted to get out of the salt bath, but he had to, so he might as well give them up and get used to being miserable while ignoring the constant fucking urge.
“We’ll say it helps a skin condition,” said Jari.
“Don’t bother.”
Jari made a frustrated noise from their crate that passed as a table in the small tent. “It helps you for a bit-like pain relief for someone-”
“It’s not the same!” Aurelius snapped as he sat up on his bedroll.
“I didn’t say it was, but the concept is the same. It’s relief for a while-”
“And I know it has to end! It’s worse knowing it won’t last long. And-and-”
He stuttered to a stop because when he was in it, and his mind eased a bit, it made him want Jari in the water with him so they could touch and kiss. It was a few minutes of bliss with him trying to scrape together a lifetime of living and shove it into such a small frame. Jari’s touch was also grounding in a way, and it wasn’t fair to demand that of him either.
Once he was out of the bath, he wasn’t the same or so free. It wasn’t fair for Jari to get hugs and kisses and then Aurelius’s coldness once it was over. It wasn’t fair for anyone to deal with someone flipping back and forth only to lose it in the end.
“What?” asked Jari.
“Nothing.” Aurelius laid down on his bedroll and faced away. “Stop asking. Stop fucking caring. You’re only getting yourself hurt in the end.”
“You wanted someone by your side, and I’m doing that.”
“You can stop now.” Things hadn’t gone the way Aurelius originally wanted, and it was too late.
