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I open my laptop and begin scrolling through my calendar. “May and June are fully booked, but I have the seventh and the twenty-first available in July. Or would you prefer August?”
“Actually, the twenty-first would be perfect for what I had in mind.” Cali and Sara begin discussing a theme as if I weren’t in the room. It’s rude and unprofessional and it infuriates me. To the point where I excuse myself so I can get some fresh air. Otherwise. I’ll blow a gasket and look like a fool.
I push through the doors by the kitchen and once I’m outside, I take in a deep breath. It’s a balmy fifty-five degrees here in Seattle and spring is only a few weeks away. It’s a sad reminder that I haven’t seen Lili in over three months. God, what I would do to hear that sultry voice and see her beautiful smile. Thanksgiving was incredible, and since she needed time, I spent Christmas and New Year’s painting her from memory. So here I sit, feeling sorry for myself once again. I’m beginning to think that I was the only one who felt that intense connection.
I debate whether to light up a cig when Mike strolls out the door. “Boss, your client is waiting for you.”
“I’ll be right in, Mike. Thanks.” Maybe it’s the crisp scent of spring in the air or the fact that I let my mind wander to Lili, but I don’t want to adult anymore today. Not with Cali or Sara or anyone else for that matter. I’ve only had a handful of rude and obnoxious clients, but since they pay the bills I need to suck it up. It’s with a heavy heart that I stride back into the club. Business is business, and the quicker I get this over and done with the better off I’ll be.
Ms. Reed booked for the twenty-first like I knew she would. Her demands were minimal at best. Everything was going well, until it was time for them to leave. She sent Cali on an errand and when we were all alone, she pressed her hand against my chest and propositioned me. I promptly removed her hand and told her I don’t mix business with pleasure. I was so convincing, she left with her tail between her legs and an apology on her lips. It was a close call, but next time we meet I should have nothing to worry about.
I know it’s after ten when my phone begins vibrating inside my jacket pocket. I’m not sure why I never told anyone. Perhaps it’s because I didn’t want them to think any less of me. God knows, I could have put an end to it before it ever began but I was intrigued. Scratch that, I was downright curious. I know what you’re thinking. ‘Curiosity killed the cat’ and all, but I didn’t get to where I am today without taking risks. So, I played along like a fool and now I’m addicted. So much so that I clear my calendar every night around this time so I’m all alone. Crazy, right? Fucked up is more like it. I quickly punch in my passcode and begin reading.
The burden I carry is weighing me down
Since you’re not here to lift me up
Life with you was so exhilarating and full
Now, it is just cold-hearted and empty
Every night for the last few months, I’ve read each and every one of her messages. Some, I might have even memorized. But I’ve never had the balls to text her back.
Until tonight.
My fingers tremble as I begin typing out a response. I have no idea how she’ll respond after all this time but it’s too late to change my mind once I hit send.
You need to know I’ve always been here
Silent yet intrigued while you are over there
Your words are emotive and difficult to forget
So I have memorized them, to always remember
LILIANNA
I told Nat this year was going to be hell and she agreed wholeheartedly. Then she replied with a suck it up cupcake and reassured me the exposure would be good. I don’t disagree but being the introvert that I am, it’s difficult. Don’t get me wrong, I love engaging with my readers. And sometimes I’m so lost in the moment, I forget I’m in a social setting. It’s just the two of us chatting about books and I’m in my happy place. Then suddenly, I’m all too aware of my surroundings and I want to run for the hills. That’s when I need to suck it up and remember it’s not about me, it’s all about them. I know at the end of the day I can go back to my hotel room and seek the solitude I so desperately crave.
And, as much as I hate to admit it, being on the road has been a great learning experience. Just the interactions alone from my readers have opened my eyes to so many new and inspiring ideas. It’s exciting and mind-boggling but it’s also taking a toll on me. Three grueling months of traveling, living out of a suitcase and lack of normalcy is utterly exhausting. I’m in desperate need of a break. Fortunately, I’m going home tomorrow for two weeks of R&R. I’m so excited that I’m already packed and ready to go. Except for the clothes I’ve laid out for tomorrow. After that, I’m back on the road for another solid month. It’s exhausting but necessary since I haven’t put myself out there in over three years.
Now that all my bookish commitments are complete, I’m free for the rest of the afternoon. So I’ve been thinking about spending the rest of the day lying around on the beach. A little sun and surf might be just what the doctor ordered, so to speak. I’ve also heard that Myrtle Beach is perfect this time of year, since it’s too early in the season for the throng of vacationers. Just the local runners, surfers or occasional lifeguard or two out and about this time of year. It sounds like the perfect way to end my stint in South Carolina. I can’t wait to sink my toes in the sand.
With my beach bag flung over my shoulder, I head across the street. I struggle with my flip flops as I trudge through the sand. I kick them off, scoop them up and walk closer to the water. I can already taste the salty spray on my lips the closer I get to the edge. The sea welcomes me with open arms and I eagerly embrace it in return. This is my happy place and my heart suddenly swells with the realization.
I don’t waste a single minute as I tug the beach towel out of my bag and spread it out over the sand. I remove my cover up, grab my suntan lotion and slather it all over every inch of me. Being of Italian descent, my complexion is normally dark. But, since I don’t see the light of day very often, I’m fading fast. The last thing I want to do is burn and ruin the first few days of my homecoming. When I’m done, I put on my sunglasses, lie back and relax.
It feels amazing.
The crashing of the waves along with the crying of the gulls lulls me into a sense of peace. I can feel my body drifting in and out of consciousness and I don’t fight it. It just feels so damn good to let go.
A sweet dulcet voice rouses me from slumber. “Daddy, why was mommy crying this morning?” If I had to take a guess, I’d say she’s around five years old.
My heart breaks at her innocence and I find myself wanting to protect this little girl I’ve never met. Clearly, she’s upset and seeks the truth from a man she trusts. Her daddy.
The last thing I want is for them to think I’m eavesdropping, but for some reason I’m drawn to them. I lean on my elbows and watch the little girl crawl inside her daddy’s lap when he sits down. He kisses her on the nose and gazes out to sea. Either reflecting or looking for answers to the questions he can’t answer.
“Remember last week when you wanted a puppy and I told you it wasn’t a good time?” I watch the girl squint to avoid the sun as she nods up at her dad. “Well, sometimes mommies and daddies want things they can’t have, too. Sometimes in life we must be patient and when you least expect it, it will happen.”
