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I’d have to revisit and square the score. Maybe make him eat those fucking fingers for pointing the Amatos her way.
I didn’t mind if my life had an early expiration date on it. I just couldn’t stand the idea that Jamie was in danger.
Needless to say, the Amato girl was still good to become a fucking Battaglia and snake her way into the most influential Mafiosi famiglia in the damn States. I could be reckless with my own safety, but I would never gamble with hers. And now that Jamie knew about the engagement, protecting her just became a whole lot more of a challenge.
I stomped into Dea Tacita, my sour mood hauling behind me and changing the normal chipper atmosphere of the pre-opening prep. Every person on the ground quieted down, their faces now matching the somberness of mine, as if I’d dragged in a cloud of toxic smoke that poisoned everything around me.
Without needing a word, Lilly poured me a double, straight up, pushing the glass forward as I walked by the central bar in the middle of the club. I grabbed it on the move, still stalking towards the stairs at the far back that led up to Matt’s office. The full glass didn’t even make it to the landing. In one swift move, I tipped the whole contents down my throat, needing more of that sting and double the numbness.
No! Nothing could make me forget. I could drown in booze and still feel her pain burning in my veins.
Alison stood halfway up the stairs, glaring at me with an expression I had never seen her wear. There was resentment and judgment for sure, but worst of all, there was hate there, too. Her green eyes, a matching pair of my own, should never look at me with that emotion swimming around them, but I couldn’t blame her.
Again, I deserved it.
“Why haven’t you explained any of this shit to Jamie?” Alison asked, her voice stern and accusatory. Any answer I could spew at her would fall on deaf ears. There was no good reason. No justification for not coming clean, even if how things had played out was very far from what I had planned.
“Not here,” I warned as I walked past her and carried on climbing the stairs, my tone curt and clipped. She turned and followed me, holding her peace until we were safe in the soundproofed privacy of Matt’s office.
“Why, Liam?” She pushed as soon as the door shut behind her.
Matt stood from behind his desk as we walked in, half a cigarette dangling between his fingers while the whole room smelled like a fucking ashtray. This was consuming him as much as it was me.
Matt’s only addiction was nicotine, and even that was controlled. It only became evident when he was preoccupied. It was like a soothing pacifier that breathed peace into his lungs with the counter of another nail in his coffin.
“I was going to tell her everything, every fucking detail, but the Amato girl just had to fucking call the office and fuck up everyone’s life, didn’t she?”
I was pissed. I hadn’t taken the call, so whatever she wanted to speak to me about was still unsaid. But she could have said her fucking name instead of saying she was my fiancé. Was she that eager that she was already adopting the fucking title?
“Jamie will never forgive you if you don’t tell her the truth. I know it might not make much of a difference in the grand scheme of things, you’re still expected to marry Francesca. But at least she’ll know you didn’t play her. At least you could lift that weight.” She verbalized my exact thoughts.
“You should let her hate you. She’ll get over you faster if she does.” Matt said. He was always the most rational of the three of us. More so in this specific case, because he wasn’t in the center of the clusterfuck. Maybe his distanced perspective gave him a different understanding.
“She deserves to know!” Alison raised her voice at Matt, indignant and revolted with his opinion.
She was the only person on this Earth that could ever get away with something like that. No one else dared to raise an eyebrow, never mind their voice. His love for our little principessa was the lifeboat that kept her safe under any circumstance. She was simply untouchable.
“What she deserves is to be happy and keep her head on her shoulders. And we all know that she can’t have what makes her happy right now, so let her move on. Set her free.” Matt elaborated, his tone implying that what he was saying was as exact and accurate as a Math equation. He drew another sharp drag of his cigarette, the red circle glaring brighter until he stopped. “She can’t do that if some part of her is still hanging on to Liam.”
His words were directed at Alison, both of them discussing my life as if I wasn’t even standing in the damn room. In fact, I almost wasn’t. I was just an empty shell, zoning off as they debated, as if any of it was their choice.
Their voices muffled against my loud thoughts, some kind of clarity showing me the best path to take.
“Matt’s right,” I started out loud, cutting off their discussion with my calmness. “If she hates me, she’ll be free to find happiness.” Those words cut and stung like a motherfucker, leaving a bloody trail of jealousy and agony as I heard them coming out of my own mouth.
“So that’s it? You just… give up?” Alison protested, her arms gesturing her ire as much as her tone was.
“I wouldn’t if I knew there was any possibility of fixing this. But there simply isn’t. And I can’t stand seeing her hurt like this. What the fuck can I do to stop that besides this? Huh?” I angrily blurted before walking over to my sister and grabbing her shoulders. “You have to get her to go to work again. Get her back to her normal life. I’ll try to stay away as much as possible, but please help me snap her out of this.”
“Of course I’ll help. I love her, too.” Her voice was shaken, breaking with the sympathy of a true friend.
“Francesca called AD, I gather. Have you spoken to her?” Matt interrupted. Back to business, back to setting things on their right fucking track. But I wasn’t having it.
“No, she did call AD, but I didn’t take the call because my life went up in fucking flames. What do you think?”
“It’s not her fault that this is happening. And she will be your wife. It's best that you start off on the right foot,” Matt said, but I wasn’t interested in that specific subject so I just waved him off dismissively.
“Whatever. The Amatos can wait. They’ll have me for life, after all. What’s another few days in the expanse of forever?”
