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“Don’t drag it too long.” He warned. There was more under those words than what meets the eye. He was referring to reassurance. Letting the Amatos know that I was on board and that they could leave Jamie out of this.
I stood there looking at the anguish in my sister’s eyes and the compassion in my ruthless brother’s, thinking how lucky I was to have these two to support me and help me navigate through this deep sea of shit.
Jamie didn’t have such luck, she was alone. Guilt swamped my pores again for all the fucking pain I had caused her and for not being able to be there to kiss it all away.
I’d be a shadow in her darkness, night in and night out, making sure she would heal, however long that took. It was the only thing I could do, even if the idea of Jamie getting over me was revolting. The image of her slipping between my fingers sauntered through my brain, consuming my sanity like flesh-eating maggots.
I’m a selfish son of a bitch for wanting her to love me, even knowing she can never have me.
Jamie
It took five whole damn weeks for me to stop crying myself to sleep. It was a small step but a welcomed reprieve nonetheless.
That was also how long I hadn’t spoken to Liam. I haven’t been able to stop thinking about him, though. He was a constant thought. The last thing on my mind at night and the first name on my lips in the morning.
He had broken a lot more than just my heart. He had broken every single part of me.
My skin missed his touch, my nose his scent, my lips the delicious whisper of his name. In a short time, he had become my oxygen. The fierce force that made my heart pump blood to my veins.
He was my future. My present and the bright light that obliviated the pain from the past. Still, he had stolen my soul and sold it for less than a dime.
But I still loved him. Every fiber of my being knew I always would. I hated myself for it.
Alison had camped in my apartment every weekend since that dreadful day, keeping my mind occupied and helping me manage the crippling pain. It went without saying that any conversation related to her brother was banished from my house. I couldn’t let go if I kept letting him in my life, even if it was just in tales and comments. It was bad enough that he lived rent-free in my mind.
Whatever it was, I didn’t want to know.
It was an obvious lie, but still, it was the only thing I dared to make myself believe in order to survive. Because that was what life was without Liam – nothing but survival. I heard enough through office gossip already and Alison understood the unspoken rule.
Sleep, eat, work and repeat. Some days the eating portion wasn’t actually necessary or even welcomed. Besides the lethargic state that came with being betrayed this way, waves of nausea were a constant. My body was reacting to losing the love of my life in ways I never thought possible.
After a couple of days, I had managed to go back to work. Back to staring at my boss’s shut door. This was what Liam did now. He came in early and left late, locking himself up in his office, only showing his face in case of bare necessity.
I held my breath each time someone knocked on his door, both hoping for a glimpse of him and dreading the pounding of my heart whenever I got one.
I tried forcing myself not to feel, to turn it all off, the good together with the bad. I couldn’t. His roots in me ran as deep as a bottomless ocean, and as much as I tried, I couldn’t stop feeling something for him.
“Good morning, Miss Harden.” A deep voice pulled me out of my haze. I had zoned out again, looking at my computer screen, not really seeing anything that was on it.
“Oh, huh, good morning, Mr. Dornier.” That name slipped down my tongue like knives as I rushed to my feet, almost saluting the man standing tall and broody in front of me.
Instinctively, I looked past him into Liam’s shut door, Mr. Dornier’s eyes following mine before returning to my face again.
“I hope you’re feeling better from the indisposition that’s been plaguing you lately.” His eyes were softer as he said that.
He knew! Fuck.
“Much better, thank you.” I lied, forcing a small smile onto my face before swallowing hard.
“Good, good. That means that you’ll be at the party this Saturday.” I stared at him, trying as hard as I could to focus on his words instead of his face. He reminded me so much of Liam that my heart twisted in agony.
“Party?”
“Yes. In celebration of the Verten project. You were an essential element in closing that deal. Mr. Mercier told me how much he enjoyed your work and meeting you in LA. He specifically asked if you would be attending.” My gut lurched to the sound of that. Not only would I have to face Liam for a whole damn night, now I’d have to deal with the creep, too.
“Thank you, Sir, but I’m not sure I’ll be in town this weekend.” It was a lie. Where else would I be? I couldn’t handle a party right now, not to mention this particular one had Liam on the top of the guest list.
“Nonsense. You’re my special guest, Miss Harden. No discussions. I’ll send a car to pick you up at nine. See you on Saturday.” With a dry smile, Mr. Dornier slammed his deciding hammer, just like my damn executioner, and walked away.
